November is a time of thanks, of giving, of gratitude. Emotions like this can be hard to muster up when we are dealing with cancer. Trying to process the crappy hand that we have been dealt, trying to push through having poison pumped through our bodies, having radiation blasted into us, being cut open, waiting for our doctors to say that now is the right time to start treatment, or any number of ways cancer can be handled: our brains aren’t built to be constantly on tenterhooks!
Now, what are a few things I am thankful for this year?
First off, I would like to thank the wonderful Cactus Cancer Society for asking me to write a monthly blog post a year ago! Yes, it has already been a year of these blog posts! I hope that I have helped even just a single person with one of my posts – that would be amazing to hear!
Second, I would like to thank the community for being the awesome people that they are. Through thick and thin, people will be here for you. It can take time to find your people in the YA cancer community, but you will find at least one person who can help you during the tough times of cancer. I would also like to thank the Dear Jack Foundation for choosing me for their LifeList program back in July – I hope that someone who reads this post was chosen for it after applying in September and if you weren’t, next application cycle starts December 21st (so mark it on your calendar)!
I would also like to announce a project that I have been working on (you might’ve already read about it on social media!): The Accidental Advocate is a resource directory that I have put together and will be adding to as I find more things and get more submissions. I have been putting it together since July and I am finally ready to reveal it to the world! As of the time of writing this, it is at 226 resources – and I know there’s a lot more out there! If there is something you know is good and it isn’t on my website, just email me through the Contact page on my website! However, the Accidental Advocate doesn’t mean I will stop writing Cody’s Corner. Every piece I have written is linked on there. I will continue to write this as long as Cactus Cancer Society will let me. The Accidental Advocate may expand to things beyond a resource list though, I have some ideas for ways for it to expand – so keep your eyes out!
Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post!
Thankfulness and gratitude can be hard to find even when you aren’t cancery! Remember when you were a kid and you could just say anything? Now as adults we have to focus and spend time thinking of things to say if our family goes around the Thanksgiving table asking people to say things. I mean…we could always just pull the cancer card and see the awkward expressions appear on our family’s faces if we want to!
There is such a push and pull this time of year – it’s full of holidays, gatherings, observances, how are we supposed to have the time to do it all? It’s simple: we probably don’t. We need to triage what we are going to do. Look at your calendar and see what party, what meetup, what thing we want to do. Put that mental list in order of importance and go from there. Try to spread out things so you have time to recuperate.
Last month, I went to New York Comic Con with some cancer friends. I strongly recommend going! It was very fun! We went for one of the four days this time, because last year we went for two days, and we were wiped out on day two. You need to figure out where you will run out of energy before you do it; yes, I know that is a very hard thing – but you will start to be able to gauge it, I promise!
This time of year feels like it is all about the big things. There’s all of the holiday movies with grand gestures to win people back…but that isn’t something most people can do, so we need to think of our small gestures.
We need to find our glimmers. For those who came to Gabfest 2024, you might remember that I was on a panel about glimmers! What are glimmers? They’re the opposite of a trigger: those things that bring a scintilla of joy, they spark a smile. What might make you happy after a long day or prepare you for one? Maybe a bowl of your favorite cereal or a nice warm bath? A cup of hot chocolate – with or without marshmallows, maybe some whipped cream? Or your favorite tea? Or maybe you read a few more pages in that book that you have been trying to finish for a while? Glimmers vary by the person by the day, find some of yours so you can have that thing that brings the tension out of you ever so slightly. Here’s an article on them if you want to learn more!
If you don’t have anything to be grateful for this season…that’s perfectly fine, too. You might not be able to come up with something, which is okay. It’s better to say that than summon some toxic positivity. You can always plumb the depths of your brain later to see what comes to the forefront of your mind. You might surprise yourself with what comes forth. Don’t think too hard: just say the first words that come to mind. Let yourself accept what came up, don’t beat that part of yourself down if whatever came out feels odd. Let it flow, let the stream of consciousness come up with what it comes with, let that part of you out. We all have parts of us that don’t get to come out of the toolbox often, let them come out and stretch. See where they take you!
This November, see what you can come up with. Unless you’re Canadian…then you had Thanksgiving last month. You can just repeat your answer!
Want to reach out to Cody with questions or a request to write on a specific topic? Send us an email at programs@cactuscancer.org or reach him on Instagram at @codyhatescancer!
