Ever had a question about relationships or sex that you just can’t ask your oncology care provider? We’re back for another round of Awkward Auntie, the space for all the awkward questions inside young adult cancer.
Awkward Auntie: Body Confidence After Breast Cancer
Question: How do I practice being confident in my body after cancer? Do not want to be intimate with anyone because I hate the way my body looks and feels. I am straight and single. I want to date but don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ok with someone touching me again. I am also looking for tips on how and when to bring up that I had cancer. I went on a Bumble date, and they asked how my dating life has been the past year…it was non-existent because I was in chemotherapy, but I don’t want to say that.
Additional details: I am… 34-39 years old, cisgender female. “I had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. I had reconstruction surgery but don’t think I could ever let someone touch my boobs again. I do not like how they look, feel, and that I have no nerves in them.”
Answer: Body image changes are a BIG issue for many cancer survivors, especially for women with a history of breast cancer. And it is quite common for women to not like/hate their ‘new’ breast(s). Losing confidence in how you look is a challenge because how you feel about yourself is emotional, and no one (including me!) should tell you how to ‘get over it’. What you don’t want to happen when you start a new relationship is not telling the person that you are not comfortable with someone touching your breasts – what happens if you don’t tell them? They may touch your breasts, and that is painful (or feels weird), and you suffer (often in silence) and hiding something like that is not good for any relationship. Perhaps you need more time to get used to your new body (not just your breasts) before you allow someone else into your space? About disclosing your cancer history: Everyone is different when it comes to this. Some people disclose immediately to weed out potential partners who may not be able to handle the situation. Some people put this in their bio if they are using an online dating app, while others wait until they have an invitation to meet up. Or they wait to see if they continue talking to the person online. Both approaches have risks and benefits, and if it were easy to figure out, you would have done it already!
Dr. Anne Katz, also known as the Awkward Auntie, is a certified sexuality counselor, nurse, and author. She specializes in the intersection of sexuality, intimacy, body, relationships, and young adult cancer. She’s here for all the “awkward” questions that you may be too afraid to ask your healthcare provider.
YOU CAN ASK HER ANYTHING…. Don’t hold back!
Questions are answered periodically and posted on the Young Adult Voices of Cancer blog. Got questions? Reach out to programs@cactuscancer.org
