Finding a therapist can feel a little bit like dating. You read a profile, think, “Okay, maybe this person gets me,” send an awkward introductory message, and hope for the best.
Several years ago, our beloved Cactus Cancer Society Guest Faculty member Jean Rowe, LCSW, OSW-C, CJT, first shared her wisdom with us about finding a therapist who feels like the right fit. Jean has spent more than 15 years supporting the young adult cancer community, and if YA cancer had Fairy Godmothers, she would absolutely be one of ours.
Inspired by Jean’s original guidance, we wanted to add a few more tools to help you find support that works for you.
First things first: you are allowed to be picky.
Therapy is a relationship. Feeling safe, understood, respected, and comfortable matters. A therapist can be perfectly qualified and still not be the right fit for you. As Jean emphasized in her original piece, therapists want you to find the person who is the right fit. If it isn’t right, you can keep looking.
Start with what you need
You don’t need a diagnosis or a perfectly organized list of therapy goals. It can help to think about what is bringing you to therapy and whether there are experiences you want your therapist to understand. Perhaps it has to do with cancer, or maybe it’s more about relationships, identity, body image, grief, or all of the above. Be curious and honest with yourself about what feels tender right now.
Figure out the money part
If you have insurance, check your behavioral health benefits, including your copay or coinsurance, deductible, and out-of-network coverage. Once you have a sense of cost, ask your insurance for its provider directory or access it online to locate therapists who accept your insurance. Because directories can be outdated, confirm directly with the therapist that they still accept your plan and are taking new clients.
No insurance, high deductible, or not enough coverage? You still have options! Open Path Psychotherapy Collective connects uninsured or underinsured people with therapists offering reduced-rate sessions. Give an Hour connects eligible communities with volunteer mental health professionals providing no-cost care.
Oncology social workers, community mental health centers, nonprofit counseling organizations, university training clinics, and therapists with sliding-scale spots can also be worth exploring. And yes, you can absolutely ask a therapist, “Do you currently have any reduced-fee openings?”
Shop around!
Psychology Today is one of the best-known therapist directories, but it is not the only one! You might also explore Inclusive Therapists, Therapy for Black Girls, or TherapyDen, depending on what matters to you.
And we have already done some of the Googling for you! Our Young Adult Cancer Resources include even more mental health resources, cancer-specific organizations, affordable care options, directories, and places to find support.
Interview them, too
Many therapists offer a free 15–20 minute consultation. Take them up on it!
Ask about their experience with what you are navigating, their therapy style, and what a typical session looks like. You can even ask what they think makes someone a good fit for working with them, their approach to issues that matter to you, or their politics. If something feels important to you about the therapy experience, this is a great time to name it.
Pay attention to how you feel talking with them, and remember that it’s okay to ask for some time to think about it. You are interviewing them just as much as they are getting to know you.
Look for the training that fits you
Therapists can pursue specialized training in areas like trauma, grief, sexuality, EMDR, couples work, expressive arts, journal therapy, and all kinds of other areas. Sometimes the right fit means finding someone whose training matches how you process your experiences and your values.
Jean is a perfect example. In addition to being a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and oncology social worker, she is a Certified Journal Therapist with specialized training in therapeutic journal writing. If writing, creativity, storytelling, or meaning-making are important to you, a clinician with that kind of training may offer something uniquely suited to you. There are lots of different ways to “do” therapy. You get to look for one that makes sense for you.
Therapy matters. So does community.
Community is not a replacement for therapy, and therapy is not a replacement for community. Community is an integral part of mental health and psychosocial support. Research among young adult cancer survivors has linked social isolation with poorer psychological well-being, while social connectedness is often associated with better psychological well-being.¹ Research on social connection interventions for people affected by cancer has also found evidence of improvements in social support, isolation, coping, and other patient-reported outcomes.²˒³
For young adults with cancer, being around people who understand the bizarre, messy, funny, painful parts of this experience can provide something even a wonderful therapist cannot always replicate: shared lived experience. A therapist might help you process what cancer has done to your sense of identity. Community can give you a room full of people who understand why that identity shift exists before you even finish explaining it.
Therapy, oncology social work, peer connection, creative coping, friendship, support groups, and family can all serve different purposes in helping us cope, connect, and make meaning. Your support system does not have to be made from just one ingredient.
Organizations like CancerCare, Young Survival Coalition, Ulman Foundation, Elephants and Tea, Bright Spot Network, and, of course, Cactus Cancer Society offer different ways to find that connection.
A Little Jean Magic
We have to bring this back to the person whose wisdom started this conversation. Jean Rowe, LCSW, OSW-C, CJT, has spent more than 15 years supporting the young adult cancer community through psychotherapy, grief and loss work, sex and intimacy education, therapeutic journal writing, program development, facilitation, and a whole lot of warmth, wisdom, and humor.
Around here, we think she has more than earned the title of YA Cancer Fairy Godmother.
You can experience some Jean magic right here at Cactus through 30-Minute Tune-Up, our guided journal-writing program with Jean.
She is also leading Ulman Foundation’s Write On Time next week, a virtual guided journaling space for cancer survivors. No need to think of yourself as a writer. Just bring yourself, something to write with, and see what finds its way onto the page.
You can explore more of Jean’s workshops, clinical work, and writing at Work With Jean Rowe, find her psychotherapy practice through SonderMind, or reach her directly at fsconsulting2013@gmail.com.
Finding support during young adult cancer is not just about finding a therapist. It is about finding the people, spaces, tools, and forms of support that help you feel understood and a little less alone. Sometimes that is a therapist. Sometimes it is an oncology social worker. Sometimes it is a room full of other young adults who get it. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, it’s a Fairy Godmother with a journal prompt.
This article was inspired by and adapted from Jean Rowe’s original 2022 Cactus Cancer Society article, “Are You My Therapist?” Additional resources and commentary by Lauren Morales, LCSW, Senior Program Coordinator at Cactus Cancer Society.
References
- Fox RS, Armstrong GE, Gaumond JS, et al. “Social Isolation and Social Connectedness Among Young Adult Cancer Survivors: A Systematic Review.” Cancer. 2023;129(19):2946–2965. doi:10.1002/cncr.34934. Read the article
- Rivera Rivera JN, Burris JL. “A Systematic Literature Review and Head-to-Head Comparison of Social Support and Social Constraint in Relation to the Psychological Functioning of Cancer Survivors.” Annals of Behavioral Medicine. 2020;54(3):176–192. doi:10.1093/abm/kaz037. Read the article
- Warner EL, et al. “Social Integration Interventions for Young- and Middle-Aged Adult Cancer Survivors: A Systematic Review.” Cancers. 2023. Read the article
Original Article
Rowe J. “Write Now With Jean Rowe: Are You My Therapist?” Cactus Cancer Society. February 17, 2022. Read Jean’s original article
