Ever had a question about relationships or sex that you just can’t ask your oncology care provider? Ever felt too shy to ask a nurse or doctor a question, but really needed the answer? Now you can ask those questions and get answers from Dr. Anne Katz, the Awkward Auntie! We’re back for another round of Awkward Auntie. Read on for some more recent Q&As!
Question: I have absolutely no desire to have sex. What can I do to fix it?
Answer: You have been through a LOT and have the scars to prove it! The lack of desire may be related to your altered body image (justified), the side effects of the chemo and radiation that have resulted in pain with sexual touch or penetration. And then there is the colostomy….. We know that for some women, a total hysterectomy alters the occurrence or sensations of orgasms, and of course, you likely have a LOT of internal scarring from the removal of lymph nodes and pelvic floor muscle.
But you know all this…
What can you do to fix it? Firstly, spontaneous desire (as we see in movies and on TV) usually only happens at the start of a relationship, and if you are waiting for desire to kick in (when you are in an established relationship), it may not. Why? Because in established relationships, women are more likely to experience RESPONSIVE desire. Responsive desire happens when you become aroused by a partner’s touch (even non sexual touch), or their words or actions (nuzzling your neck, for example). So if you wait around for spontaneous desire, you may be waiting for a long time….
Mindfulness-based meditation and a mindfulness practice are evidence-based interventions that have been shown to increase desire. Please read the book by Dr. Lori Brotto (Better Sex Through Mindfulness) – she explains this beautifully, and her suggestions will help!
You can learn more about this great program, find the answers to past questions, and submit a question of your own by going here!
More about the Awkward Auntie program:
Dr. Anne Katz, also known as the Awkward Auntie, is a certified sexuality counselor and nurse who has written a couple of books about young adults and cancer – and all the things that happen to your body, relationships, and sex during and after treatment. She will answer any and all questions that you send to AwkwardAuntie@lacunaloft.org or submit in the form below. You don’t have to give your name or other identifying information – but it might be helpful for her to know how you identify yourself by gender, your age, and what kind of cancer and treatment you had.
YOU CAN ASK HER ANYTHING…. Don’t hold back! Your questions will be answered periodically and posted on our Awkward Auntie page.
