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Fresh Ink: St. Jude Attitude

We are proud to share the work of our Cactus Cancer Society community writers here on our blog, including this piece, which is part of a series entitled Fresh Ink.

We value the voices of our community members and would love to share your words. If you would like to contribute to our blog here at Cactus Cancer Society, please email 

I just wanted to put something out for cancer kids like me
Who might feel pissed off or angry
Because I can relate to their journey
Those Who do not want sympathy
 or a poor me
But, just to live on and be free

Waiting on the next appointment
For more disappointment
Is it scar tissue?
Or a bigger issue ?
Someone grab mom another tissue

I’ve been Broken and defeated
Pissed off and depleted
Poked and prodded
Nurse yells he needs more dilotted
Get it, dilotted
Because you die,
If you take a lot of it.
Now I’m Kinda feeling psychotic.

Chemotherapy’s my new 9-5 at age 5
Then came back like a 401 K
Must of been the 10 year plan
Because here we go again
5 day stays
Every 3 weeks then repeats
Losing more hair
People are starting to stare
I just wish, I didn’t care.

This Chemo brain got me going insane
But there’s no time to complain
I’m just trying to explain…

These residing effects
Make us feel like rejects
Cancer free?
Or are we?

Depression, aggression, self obsessin’
Searching for understanding life can be so demanding…

I realized the facts
I can’t change em
I gotta change me
Gotta Start Pushin the cushion
And Threading the needle
Gotta stop living fetal

I apologize if I sound ignorant or rude
Sad, or in a mood
I’m just saying it sucks when you can’t eat food so don’t get me confused
It’s just my St. Jude Attitude

Jay loves to create, design, and rewind the hands of time with a little line. About his piece, he writes, “Never knew what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be. Telling my story wasn’t enough. It’s never what you say, it’s how you say it! I never knew how to say it, until now. This was the only way I knew how to say it out loud.”