A student I have been tutoring for about 7 months, asked me the other day if I had cancer. I was a little shocked. More taken aback. I had to stop and think. Then, I realized well “what if her mother hadn’t told her about my past?” or “what if she is not supposed to know?” Then, I shrugged it off and just figured-oh well. It is what it is. I shouldn’t hide it. I should shout it outloud!
“Look at me! Here is what can happen! You are fine!” But-then again, maybe I only hesitated to answer the poor little girl’s question because I truly couldn’t remember if I really had HAD cancer.
Luckily for me, I’ve been having more of those moments lately. More of the I-have-no-cares-in-the-world feelings. More of the “before cancer diagnosis” feelings. More moments where people ask me, “How are you?” with that strange emphasis on the “you” part that only cancer patients can understand. I quickly answer, “I’m fine, how are you?” and then it dawns on me about ten seconds later what they were really referring to. They meant that thing. They meant that ugly word that I was scared to talk about or refer to with my nine-year old student I was tutoring in a public library.
I guess my point is-the time will come where cancer will be in your past. It really will be the best feeling. Trust me. You won’t remember how you used to act before those dreaded words of “You have cancer.” It’s almost like a new beginning. Closing a very extreme, dark chapter and opening up a new chapter of beautiful moments that will never be taken for granted. Ever.
