Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!

sex during cancer

Geraldine is a lovely lady. In her 60’s. Well spoken. Wise. She’s one of the Breast Care Nurses who’s called me in for a little chat and a check up.

“Now I need to ask you Lara. Do you have a partner?”

“No. (Dramatic pause) I have a Lover.”

I said this purely in the hope of shocking Geraldine and to make her gasp or at least squirm in her chair. Course I don’t have a bloody lover! Well I sort of do – but I don’t think once a month counts. Right?

Geraldine doesn’t bat an eyelid. Doesn’t even flinch a millimetre.

Damn it.

Geraldine 1. Lara 0.

“You need to have regular intercourse throughout chemotherapy to keep everything in working order and the juices flowing so to speak. I recommend you get a vibrator.”

I think I’m gonna vom. Now I’m the one squirming in my chair.

Geraldine 2. Lara 0.

I can’t think of anything more revolting. A cold, clammy, glittery dildo that stinks of rubber and has a tiny pink rabbit having an epileptic fit attached to the side. How thoroughly sexy. I rather use it to stir my custard thanks. But if you insist Geraldine. I mean so far the NHS have come up trumps. A free wig. A complementary silk Hermes scarf designed by Stella McCartney. So why not give out free quivering wangers to all cancer patients? Or even better, free sessions with hunky men who are trained sexual ‘therapists.’ Oh and on top of that, throw in a couple of Merkins, seeing as chemo makes ALL of the hair on your body fall out if you know what I mean. Thank you please.

After my heart to heart with Geraldine I text my ‘Lover.’

‘I’ve just been to see my nurse and she says I need to have LOADS of sex during chemo to keep everything in working order. THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH! You would be saving my life x’

No pressure or anything.

A few minutes later I get a reply.

‘Happy to oblige! x’

Being a cancer patient sometimes does have it’s perks.

This post first appeared here.

Have You Heard Of Chemo Dates?

chemo dates

Having young adult cancer can definitely put a crimp in your dating life.  If you thought dating as a young adult was hard, add in loss of hair, other body changes, fatigue, and everything else cancer brings into the mix and you’ve got an emotionally complicated situation.  Everyone deals with this in a different way.  I’ve talked with survivors who seemed totally unphased by the whole ordeal, survivors who shut themselves away until they felt more like themselves and more ready to handle the world, and many options in between.

Have you heard of chemo dates?  Diana Mendoza, a breast cancer survivor, explains that it’s “when two people who have cancer, book their chemo sessions on the same day and then go out to dinner or do something fun afterwards.”  Diana used these chemo dates between herself and another young cancer survivor as a coping mechanism during chemo.  She says, “these dates allowed me to believe I was still beautiful despite my physical and emotional scars. Cancer had already taken so much from me. I wasn’t going to allow cancer to silence that coquettish personality I have.”

Cancer takes so much, forcefully defines so much, and hinders so much.  Whatever you need to take back control over a piece of your being, do it!

Would you try chemo dates?  Did you use another tactic to regain control over your life?

If you’d like to read more of Diana’s writing, check out her blog.