This is our final video in our Ask a Cactus Series on Guys and Young Adult Cancer. Hear from Kyle, Bryan, and other contributors via their comments! In this video, they’ll reflect on their experiences and talk about looking forward, through the lens of cancer survivorship.
Check out this video to meet our experts, Bryan and Kyle!
The YA cancer community is uniting as we bring together young adult cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, and the professionals who support them at YA Cancer Gabfest 2026!
This year, YA Cancer Gabfest 2026 is all about Ground Control to Young Adults: Your Mission to Connection, Healing, and Growth. Beginning on December 7th, we invite you to join us for five epic days of connection, conversation, and real-world survivorship wisdom. You’ll find interactive sessions, crash courses, and heartfelt stories from across the YA cancer community—all designed to help you navigate the twists and turns of cancer together. Think of it as your mission control for young adult cancer.
Continue readingThis is our fourth video in our Ask a Cactus Series on Guys and Young Adult Cancer. Hear from Kyle, Bryan, and other contributors via their comments! In this video, they’ll talk about the pressure to keep it together emotionally, how they are perceived, and the impact of cancer on masculinity.
Continue readingThis is our third video in our Ask a Cactus Series on Guys and Young Adult Cancer. Hear from Kyle, Bryan, and other contributors via their comments! In this video, they’ll talk about finding community, misunderstandings about the guys cancer experience, and more.
Continue readingThis is our second video in our Ask a Cactus Series on Guys and Young Adult Cancer. Hear from Kyle, Bryan, and other contributors via their comments! In this video, they’ll talk about how to support guys during their cancer experience in a way that is genuinely accessible and assistive.
Continue readingThis is our first video in our Ask a Cactus Series: Guys Edition. Please meet Bryan and Kyle! They are guys in our Cactus Cancer Society community and here to answer a range of questions you may have about the experience guys have in the young adult cancer space. If you’re a guy looking for a sense of “I feel that way, too,” a caregiver to a guy with cancer, or anyone else – they’re here to bring you the truth of their experiences.
Check out this video to meet our experts, Bryan and Kyle!
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It’s September! The start of the school year is here and that means it’s time for kids to learn, but what about adults? We don’t have any curriculum or teachers to teach us, we’re adults – we need to teach ourselves. However, how do we figure out what we should learn or what we even want to learn? One thing to do is think about school – what did you like? Did you like Math? English? History? Science? Maybe art, gym, health, or one of those other “specials” in school (At least that is what those subjects were called when I was in school)? We all liked at least something at one point – what was yours?
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There’s a special kind of relief that comes from talking to someone who just gets it. No explaining, no softening, no apologizing for the hard stuff, just instant understanding.
That’s what peer connection is all about. When you’ve gone through cancer, even your most loving friends might not fully understand what it’s like to live in this new reality. The fatigue, the fear, the weird sense of being both “lucky” and “lost.” But another survivor? They know.
Peer support doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it makes them lighter to carry. It turns isolation into connection and sometimes, connection into healing.
For me, connecting to peers with blood cancer made all the difference in my mental health. It started online and eventually I gained a group of friends I’ve met IRL and keep in touch with each week.
The science backs up what you may already know: connection is medicine. Studies show that cancer survivors who engage in peer or group support report lower distress, higher quality of life, and greater sense of meaning (Spiegel & Classen, 2000; Uchino, 2006).
For young adults, that connection is even more critical. You’re navigating identity, relationships, and the future all while processing an experience that most people your age can’t relate to. Peer mentorship creates a bridge between “I’m the only one” and “I’m not alone.”
And peer doesn’t just mean patient. Caregivers, co-survivors, and loved ones benefit, too. When you can talk to someone who’s been there whether that’s about scanxiety, intimacy, returning to work, or just existing in a changed body, something inside you exhales.
These are some compassionate peer connection programs for young adults and their loved ones:
Connects young adults with blood cancer to trained peer mentors who understand the journey firsthand.
Matches patients, survivors, and caregivers navigating brain tumors with trained mentors through the American Brain Tumor Association.
Free and confidential 1:1 peer support for anyone impacted by cancer. Mentors are trained survivors and caregivers who’ve been through it.
Professional-led programs that offer both group support and peer matching for patients and caregivers.
Pairs newly diagnosed patients or caregivers with trained “buddy” mentors who share lived experience.
A unique program that connects young adults with mentors in their career field during or after treatment — helping them rebuild purpose and future goals.
Peer navigation for individuals with hereditary cancers, including breast, ovarian, pancreatic, and prostate.
Global 1:1 peer support for patients, survivors, and caregivers. Matches are made by diagnosis, age, and experience for the best fit.
Matches people living with lung cancer to volunteer mentors who’ve faced similar challenges.
Connects newly diagnosed neuroendocrine tumor patients with mentors who share lived experience.
Peer mentor program for young adults with breast cancer, pairing them with survivors who offer guidance and encouragement.
Offers peer connections, local meetups, and online communities for young adults affected by breast cancer.
Peer mentors and support groups for those impacted by prostate cancer.
You don’t have to show up with the right words — just honesty. Here are a few ways to make peer connection meaningful:
Peer support is proof that healing doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens in community. Every story shared, every “me too,” every text exchanged at midnight builds a little more light into the dark corners of survivorship.
If you’re ready to find someone who’s walked a similar path, explore our Peer Connection & Mentorship Directory to find programs that match your diagnosis, age, and needs.
Because sometimes the best medicine is another human saying, “I’ve been there and you’re going to be okay.” 💛
I am a few years out of active treatment, and I still have significant post-treatment fatigue. Not looking for strategies to combat fatigue, but more on how to explain it to other people that my “tired” (bone-deep exhaustion) is different than other people’s “tired.” It’s hard, because I also look physically well now and I’m able to “function” well. Advice needed, Perrie!!
First, I want to validate that your experience makes sense, and you are far from alone in this. So many young adults I talk to share this exact tension: they look “functional” (especially as young adults). Some may even have a habit of pushing through chronic symptoms so they can still participate in regular life, but end up crashing later. This all happens while carrying bone-deep fatigue and the internal battle of managing capacity as an adult. That’s a lot.
One tool that can really help put language to this is Spoon Theory. If you’re not familiar, it’s a way of describing energy as a limited number of “spoons” you start the day with. Every task (like getting dressed, working, socializing, even thinking through something emotional) costs a spoon. Using this framework with others can sometimes help them visualize what it’s like to balance capacity while living with chronic fatigue.
So, instead of saying “I’m tired,” you might say: “I only have a certain number of spoons each day, and I have to choose carefully how I use them.” Or “If I spend my energy here, I might not have enough left for something later. I’ve found that language like this can sometimes help ‘normies’ understand that chronic fatigue isn’t about willpower or effort, it’s about capacity. In my personal life, I’ve even set up a system at home so my husband knows my spoons/capacity that day. I’ll write on the whiteboard or text him how many spoons I have, which helps us adjust our schedule accordingly.
It may also help to pair Spoon Theory with language such as “dynamic disability” and “invisible illness”. Dynamic disability means your abilities are not fixed. Your capacity can shift day to day or even hour to hour, so what feels manageable one day may feel impossible the next. Invisible illness means what you’re experiencing may not be obvious to others. You might look “fine” while your body is working overtime just to function. Together, these terms can help explain why chronic fatigue is so hard for others to see or understand and help to reinforce your limits when discussing your fatigue with others.
Lastly, it may also be supportive to get concrete about what support actually looks like. People often want to help, but don’t know how, having never lived through cancer or chronic fatigue. You might say something like, “It helps when plans are flexible,” “I may need to cancel at the last minute,” “Offering options instead of expectations makes things easier,” or “Low-energy time together still means a lot to me.” These types of statements set expectations and communicate directly the type of support that feels most helpful for YOU. You might need to practice these statements on your own at first, and that’s okay! I’ve been known to have a mirror conversation or two to help myself practice naming my needs.
All that said, there is a hard truth we can’t avoid when communicating our needs: Even the best explanation won’t make everyone understand.
You can do your best to explain your experience. You can offer tools to understand. You can be vulnerable and honest. But you cannot control whether someone truly gets it. What you can control is how you care for yourself in response. That’s where boundaries come in. That might sound like, “I need to head out early so I don’t overdo it.” “I can’t commit to that right now.” “I need a slower day today.” Try not to over-explain, and try not to apologize for having real limits! Boundary work is often easier said than done, because we then have to sit with someone’s uncomfortable reactions to our boundaries. I recommend checking out Nedra Glover, a licensed therapist and author who discusses boundary-setting extensively, as a tool for support.
And as a side note, if you do share vulnerably (which is always optional) with someone and take the time to explain your fatigue, your limits, your reality, and they dismiss it, minimize it, or continue to expect more from you than you can give… that’s important information about the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, some people will meet you there. They’ll adjust expectations, move plans around, respect your limits, and truly care about your capacity. They’ll make a real effort to accommodate your needs and still include you. These types of relationships are worth their weight in gold. And still…. others won’t. Part of navigating life after cancer is learning to invest your energy in the relationships that can honor your reality, not fight against it.
There is also something really powerful in your question. I can tell that you are learning how to listen to and honor your body, name your limits, and advocate for yourself in ways most people never have to. This work is hard, but it’s absolutely vital in reconnecting with yourself after an experience like cancer. I’m really proud of you for doing the hard things!
With you in it,
Perrie 🌵
Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.
How do we cope with the major fear of recurrence for the rest of our hopefully long lives?
How do we choose a career where we do not want to waste our time and be fulfilled, but also gives us the stability and health benefits, especially after experiencing such a traumatic part of our lives?
I’m going to do my best here to be a supportive place to land with these concerns, because they are some heavy and really common concerns among YA cancer folks. First, I want to name something important. Fear of recurrence is a huge part of young adult cancer. So much so that research consistently identifies it as one of the top three long-term aftereffects experienced by AYA survivors. I share that not to make it feel inevitable, but to normalize the experience. You are not alone in this fear, and many struggle to navigate it.
When you’ve lived through something as traumatic and life-altering as cancer, it makes sense that your brain and body remain alert to the possibility that it could happen again. Your mind is trying to protect you! The tricky part is that this protective system sometimes stays on high alert long after treatment ends (or longer than necessary).
Navigating fear of recurrence will look different for everyone. For some people, it means working with a trusted therapist who understands cancer survivorship. For others, it means finding community spaces where they can talk openly with people who truly understand the experience. And for many others, it takes space and time (ugh, I know, I know….time?!?) for healing as your mind, body, and soul adjust to your reality.
Here are a few approaches that I’ve found personally and professionally helpful in dealing with fear of recurrence:
Let the feeling exist.
Trying to force fear away often makes it louder. Acknowledging that fear is present can sometimes soften its grip. For many people, fear of recurrence does not completely disappear; it softens with time and grows quieter with experience navigating it. I don’t say that to scare you, but to name a truth that many experience: Sometimes the work becomes less about getting rid of fear and more about learning how to let the fear exist without letting it run your life. You see, the more we try to avoid fear, the bigger it can become. You might experiment with gently allowing yourself to be scared while still doing the important things in your life. You might even try practicing being with the fear in small increments on purpose. Yes, I know that sounds a little strange, but stay with me. The more you practice letting the feeling exist, the easier it can be to navigate when it inevitably knocks on your door.
Bring yourself back to what you actually know to be true.
Fear has a way of pulling our minds into imagined futures. When that happens, try to anchor yourself in the present moment. What do you know to be completely true right now? Right now, you are here in this moment. Right now, you are living your life inside of trauma or new symptoms. Right now, you are doing your absolute best to cope. Bringing your brain back to the current moment is not only an exercise in reeling your thoughts in, but an act of mindfulness. The practice of paying attention to the current moment, on purpose, without judgment. Mindfulness has been shown, across a multitude of studies and cultural practices, to be a cornerstone of resilience and psychological health. When you notice your brain in future-tripping land (as I lovingly call it), try to see if you bring it back to what’s right in front of you through art, music, or another novel experience. It should help take the temperature down!
Additionally, if you are unsure what symptoms should prompt a call to your oncologist, ask them directly. Having that information can be incredibly grounding. Keep a list of those symptoms somewhere accessible (looking at you, iPhone notes app) so when your brain starts spiraling, you have something concrete. Sometimes that reminder helps us see that our mind is trying to protect us from a future that has not arrived.
Give the fear somewhere to go.
Talking about it with trusted people, journaling, creative expression, therapy, or support groups can help move fear out of your head and into a space where it can actually be processed. Giving your body an opportunity to release some of that energy can be really important for your nervous system and overall mood management. Things like movement, physical activity, grounding exercises, or emotional processing in safe spaces are all ways to help your nervous system move through fear instead of holding it alone. Give yourself and your body an opportunity to chew through the feelings by finding which activities work best for you.
Your second question about choosing a career after cancer is another really big one. Choosing a career that balances your needs is already a complicated process in young adulthood. When cancer enters the picture, those decisions can start to feel even heavier. It makes sense that you might feel overwhelmed or even frozen when trying to choose something that is both meaningful and stable. Cancer often changes our relationship with time. Suddenly, the idea of wasting time can feel terrifying. There can be pressure to find work that feels deeply fulfilling while also making sure you have stability, health insurance, and enough flexibility to take care of your body.
The truth is that most people build meaningful lives in layers rather than through one perfect decision.
Give yourself some grace to make the next best choice you can in this moment, and maybe even some permission to change your mind later. As you continue to grow as a human, your needs and priorities may shift or evolve. That may mean a professional pivot somewhere down the road, and that is okay (and to be expected, growing and changing is so so human).
Some tough love here: you do not have to solve the rest of your life today, even if your brain is trying to convince you that you should.
If you still find yourself feeling stuck on the career piece, it may be helpful to work with a career coach, academic advisor, or another professional who can help guide you through what matters most to you right now. Sometimes, simply exploring your options with someone who understands the process can relieve some of the pressure to find a path that checks every box all at once.
The fact that you are asking these questions tells me you are paying close attention to the life you want to build. That kind of reflection can feel heavy sometimes, but it can also lead to a life that feels deeply intentional. What a wonderful paradox.
Wishing you courage as you keep asking the big questions,
Perrie
Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.
