Because They Get It: Peer Connection & Mentorship in Cancer Life

There’s a special kind of relief that comes from talking to someone who just gets it. No explaining, no softening, no apologizing for the hard stuff, just instant understanding.

That’s what peer connection is all about. When you’ve gone through cancer, even your most loving friends might not fully understand what it’s like to live in this new reality. The fatigue, the fear, the weird sense of being both “lucky” and “lost.” But another survivor? They know.

Peer support doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it makes them lighter to carry. It turns isolation into connection and sometimes, connection into healing.

For me, connecting to peers with blood cancer made all the difference in my mental health. It started online and eventually I gained a group of friends I’ve met IRL and keep in touch with each week. 

Why Peer Support Matters

The science backs up what you may already know: connection is medicine. Studies show that cancer survivors who engage in peer or group support report lower distress, higher quality of life, and greater sense of meaning (Spiegel & Classen, 2000; Uchino, 2006).

For young adults, that connection is even more critical. You’re navigating identity, relationships, and the future all while processing an experience that most people your age can’t relate to. Peer mentorship creates a bridge between “I’m the only one” and “I’m not alone.”

And peer doesn’t just mean patient. Caregivers, co-survivors, and loved ones benefit, too. When you can talk to someone who’s been there whether that’s about scanxiety, intimacy, returning to work, or just existing in a changed body, something inside you exhales.

Peer Mentorship & Connection Programs

These are some compassionate peer connection programs for young adults and their loved ones:

Blood Cancer United: Peer Program — bloodcancerunited.com

Connects young adults with blood cancer to trained peer mentors who understand the journey firsthand.

Brain Tumor Patient & Caregiver Mentor Support (ABTA) — abta.org

Matches patients, survivors, and caregivers navigating brain tumors with trained mentors through the American Brain Tumor Association.

Cancer Hope Network — cancerhopenetwork.org

Free and confidential 1:1 peer support for anyone impacted by cancer. Mentors are trained survivors and caregivers who’ve been through it.

CancerCare: Peer Matching — cancercare.org

Professional-led programs that offer both group support and peer matching for patients and caregivers.

Colorectal Cancer Alliance: Buddy Program — ccalliance.org

Pairs newly diagnosed patients or caregivers with trained “buddy” mentors who share lived experience.

Connecting Champions — connectingchampions.org

A unique program that connects young adults with mentors in their career field during or after treatment — helping them rebuild purpose and future goals.

FORCE: Peer Navigation Program — facingourrisk.org

Peer navigation for individuals with hereditary cancers, including breast, ovarian, pancreatic, and prostate.

Imerman Angels — imermanangels.org

Global 1:1 peer support for patients, survivors, and caregivers. Matches are made by diagnosis, age, and experience for the best fit.

LUNGevity LifeLine — lungevity.org

Matches people living with lung cancer to volunteer mentors who’ve faced similar challenges.

NETCONNECT (Neuroendocrine Cancer Foundation) — ncf.net

Connects newly diagnosed neuroendocrine tumor patients with mentors who share lived experience.

SoulMates Program (Dana-Farber Young & Strong) — dana-farber.org

Peer mentor program for young adults with breast cancer, pairing them with survivors who offer guidance and encouragement.

Young Survival Coalition (YSC) — youngsurvival.org

Offers peer connections, local meetups, and online communities for young adults affected by breast cancer.

ZERO Prostate Cancer: Us TOO Support — zerocancer.org

Peer mentors and support groups for those impacted by prostate cancer.

How to Get the Most Out of Peer Support

You don’t have to show up with the right words — just honesty. Here are a few ways to make peer connection meaningful:

  1. Be yourself. You don’t have to be “inspirational” or have it all together. You can vent, cry, or laugh.

  2. Take what fits, leave what doesn’t. Not every mentor will be your person — and that’s okay. It’s about connection, not perfection.

  3. Stay open. You might join for support and end up becoming the support for someone else.

  4. Mix peer and professional care. You can have a therapist and a peer mentor. They serve different but equally vital roles.

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

Peer support is proof that healing doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens in community. Every story shared, every “me too,” every text exchanged at midnight builds a little more light into the dark corners of survivorship.

If you’re ready to find someone who’s walked a similar path, explore our Peer Connection & Mentorship Directory to find programs that match your diagnosis, age, and needs.

Because sometimes the best medicine is another human saying, “I’ve been there and you’re going to be okay.” 💛



Ask Perrie: More Than Just Tired

Dear Perrie,

I am a few years out of active treatment, and I still have significant post-treatment fatigue. Not looking for strategies to combat fatigue, but more on how to explain it to other people that my “tired” (bone-deep exhaustion) is different than other people’s “tired.” It’s hard, because I also look physically well now and I’m able to “function” well. Advice needed, Perrie!!

Dear More Than Just Tired,

First, I want to validate that your experience makes sense, and you are far from alone in this. So many young adults I talk to share this exact tension: they look “functional” (especially as young adults). Some may even have a habit of pushing through chronic symptoms so they can still participate in regular life, but end up crashing later. This all happens while carrying bone-deep fatigue and the internal battle of managing capacity as an adult. That’s a lot. 

One tool that can really help put language to this is Spoon Theory. If you’re not familiar, it’s a way of describing energy as a limited number of “spoons” you start the day with. Every task (like getting dressed, working, socializing, even thinking through something emotional) costs a spoon. Using this framework with others can sometimes help them visualize what it’s like to balance capacity while living with chronic fatigue. 

So, instead of saying “I’m tired,” you might say: “I only have a certain number of spoons each day, and I have to choose carefully how I use them.” Or “If I spend my energy here, I might not have enough left for something later. I’ve found that language like this can sometimes help ‘normies’ understand that chronic fatigue isn’t about willpower or effort, it’s about capacity. In my personal life, I’ve even set up a system at home so my husband knows my spoons/capacity that day. I’ll write on the whiteboard or text him how many spoons I have, which helps us adjust our schedule accordingly. 

It may also help to pair Spoon Theory with language such as “dynamic disability” and “invisible illness”. Dynamic disability means your abilities are not fixed. Your capacity can shift day to day or even hour to hour, so what feels manageable one day may feel impossible the next. Invisible illness means what you’re experiencing may not be obvious to others. You might look “fine” while your body is working overtime just to function. Together, these terms can help explain why chronic fatigue is so hard for others to see or understand and help to reinforce your limits when discussing your fatigue with others. 

Lastly, it may also be supportive to get concrete about what support actually looks like. People often want to help, but don’t know how, having never lived through cancer or chronic fatigue. You might say something like, “It helps when plans are flexible,” “I may need to cancel at the last minute,” “Offering options instead of expectations makes things easier,” or “Low-energy time together still means a lot to me.” These types of statements set expectations and communicate directly the type of support that feels most helpful for YOU. You might need to practice these statements on your own at first, and that’s okay! I’ve been known to have a mirror conversation or two to help myself practice naming my needs.

All that said, there is a hard truth we can’t avoid when communicating our needs: Even the best explanation won’t make everyone understand.

You can do your best to explain your experience. You can offer tools to understand. You can be vulnerable and honest. But you cannot control whether someone truly gets it. What you can control is how you care for yourself in response. That’s where boundaries come in. That might sound like, “I need to head out early so I don’t overdo it.” “I can’t commit to that right now.” “I need a slower day today.” Try not to over-explain, and try not to apologize for having real limits! Boundary work is often easier said than done, because we then have to sit with someone’s uncomfortable reactions to our boundaries. I recommend checking out Nedra Glover, a licensed therapist and author who discusses boundary-setting extensively, as a tool for support. 

And as a side note, if you do share vulnerably (which is always optional) with someone and take the time to explain your fatigue, your limits, your reality, and they dismiss it, minimize it, or continue to expect more from you than you can give… that’s important information about the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, some people will meet you there. They’ll adjust expectations, move plans around, respect your limits, and truly care about your capacity. They’ll make a real effort to accommodate your needs and still include you. These types of relationships are worth their weight in gold. And still…. others won’t. Part of navigating life after cancer is learning to invest your energy in the relationships that can honor your reality, not fight against it.

There is also something really powerful in your question. I can tell that you are learning how to listen to and honor your body, name your limits, and advocate for yourself in ways most people never have to. This work is hard, but it’s absolutely vital in reconnecting with yourself after an experience like cancer. I’m really proud of you for doing the hard things! 

With you in it,
Perrie 🌵

Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

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Ask Perrie: Got Big Questions

Dear Perrie,

How do we cope with the major fear of recurrence for the rest of our hopefully long lives?

How do we choose a career where we do not want to waste our time and be fulfilled, but also gives us the stability and health benefits, especially after experiencing such a traumatic part of our lives?

Dear Got Big Questions,

I’m going to do my best here to be a supportive place to land with these concerns, because they are some heavy and really common concerns among YA cancer folks. First, I want to name something important. Fear of recurrence is a huge part of young adult cancer. So much so that research consistently identifies it as one of the top three long-term aftereffects experienced by AYA survivors. I share that not to make it feel inevitable, but to normalize the experience. You are not alone in this fear, and many struggle to navigate it. 

When you’ve lived through something as traumatic and life-altering as cancer, it makes sense that your brain and body remain alert to the possibility that it could happen again. Your mind is trying to protect you! The tricky part is that this protective system sometimes stays on high alert long after treatment ends (or longer than necessary). 

Navigating fear of recurrence will look different for everyone. For some people, it means working with a trusted therapist who understands cancer survivorship. For others, it means finding community spaces where they can talk openly with people who truly understand the experience. And for many others, it takes space and time (ugh, I know, I know….time?!?) for healing as your mind, body, and soul adjust to your reality. 

Here are a few approaches that I’ve found personally and professionally helpful in dealing with fear of recurrence: 

Let the feeling exist.
Trying to force fear away often makes it louder. Acknowledging that fear is present can sometimes soften its grip. For many people, fear of recurrence does not completely disappear; it softens with time and grows quieter with experience navigating it. I don’t say that to scare you, but to name a truth that many experience: Sometimes the work becomes less about getting rid of fear and more about learning how to let the fear exist without letting it run your life. You see, the more we try to avoid fear, the bigger it can become. You might experiment with gently allowing yourself to be scared while still doing the important things in your life. You might even try practicing being with the fear in small increments on purpose. Yes, I know that sounds a little strange, but stay with me. The more you practice letting the feeling exist, the easier it can be to navigate when it inevitably knocks on your door. 

Bring yourself back to what you actually know to be true.
Fear has a way of pulling our minds into imagined futures. When that happens, try to anchor yourself in the present moment. What do you know to be completely true right now? Right now, you are here in this moment. Right now, you are living your life inside of trauma or new symptoms. Right now, you are doing your absolute best to cope. Bringing your brain back to the current moment is not only an exercise in reeling your thoughts in, but an act of mindfulness. The practice of paying attention to the current moment, on purpose, without judgment. Mindfulness has been shown, across a multitude of studies and cultural practices, to be a cornerstone of resilience and psychological health. When you notice your brain in future-tripping land (as I lovingly call it), try to see if you bring it back to what’s right in front of you through art, music, or another novel experience. It should help take the temperature down! 

Additionally, if you are unsure what symptoms should prompt a call to your oncologist, ask them directly. Having that information can be incredibly grounding. Keep a list of those symptoms somewhere accessible (looking at you, iPhone notes app) so when your brain starts spiraling, you have something concrete. Sometimes that reminder helps us see that our mind is trying to protect us from a future that has not arrived.

Give the fear somewhere to go.
Talking about it with trusted people, journaling, creative expression, therapy, or support groups can help move fear out of your head and into a space where it can actually be processed. Giving your body an opportunity to release some of that energy can be really important for your nervous system and overall mood management. Things like movement, physical activity, grounding exercises, or emotional processing in safe spaces are all ways to help your nervous system move through fear instead of holding it alone. Give yourself and your body an opportunity to chew through the feelings by finding which activities work best for you. 

Your second question about choosing a career after cancer is another really big one. Choosing a career that balances your needs is already a complicated process in young adulthood. When cancer enters the picture, those decisions can start to feel even heavier. It makes sense that you might feel overwhelmed or even frozen when trying to choose something that is both meaningful and stable. Cancer often changes our relationship with time. Suddenly, the idea of wasting time can feel terrifying. There can be pressure to find work that feels deeply fulfilling while also making sure you have stability, health insurance, and enough flexibility to take care of your body.

The truth is that most people build meaningful lives in layers rather than through one perfect decision.

Give yourself some grace to make the next best choice you can in this moment, and maybe even some permission to change your mind later. As you continue to grow as a human, your needs and priorities may shift or evolve. That may mean a professional pivot somewhere down the road, and that is okay (and to be expected, growing and changing is so so human). 

Some tough love here: you do not have to solve the rest of your life today, even if your brain is trying to convince you that you should. 

If you still find yourself feeling stuck on the career piece, it may be helpful to work with a career coach, academic advisor, or another professional who can help guide you through what matters most to you right now. Sometimes, simply exploring your options with someone who understands the process can relieve some of the pressure to find a path that checks every box all at once.

The fact that you are asking these questions tells me you are paying close attention to the life you want to build. That kind of reflection can feel heavy sometimes, but it can also lead to a life that feels deeply intentional. What a wonderful paradox. 

Wishing you courage as you keep asking the big questions,
Perrie




Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

SUBMIT YOUR OWN QUESTION

Support Our 2026 Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year Candidates!

Support Our Young Adult Cancer
Advocate of the Year Candidates!

Cactus Cancer Society is so proud to introduce the 2026 Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year (YAAY) candidates!  These passionate, driven individuals are not only raising awareness, but making a tangible impact in the lives of young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers. 

Over the course of nine weeks, these inspiring candidates will raise critical funds to fuel and sustain creative coping programs that combat the loneliness, fear, and uncertainty of a cancer diagnosis. But they can’t do it alone. This is where YOU come in!

Every dollar you donate is a vote for the advocate you believe deserves the prestigious title of Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year. More importantly, your contributions directly fuel Cactus Cancer Society’s life-saving programs – proven to reduce loneliness, anxiety, depression, and psychological distress for young adults facing cancer. Who will take home the title of Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year? That’s up to you! Casting your vote today and help shape the future for young adults facing cancer!

SUPPORT A YAAY CANDIDATE NOW!

Desert Dispatch: A Sustainability Pop-Up

I love projects that feel intentional and a little rebellious in the best way. The kind that invites you to slow down, touch real paper, and make something without pressure or performance. That’s Desert Dispatch.

For a limited time, Cactus Cancer Society is releasing a Desert Dispatch Sustainability Pop-Up, a limited-edition art experience with just 50 dispatches available. Created by young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers, each dispatch delivers creativity, connection, and a moment worth savoring straight to your mailbox. Paper still hits different.

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2026 YAAY Award Nominations Are Open!

Cactus Cancer Society is proud to launch the 2026 Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year (YAAY) award nominations! This award highlights superstars in our community who regularly go above and beyond to uplift young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers.

Who’s eligible for the esteemed title of YAAY award winner? **ANYONE** who is a champion for the young adult cancer community!

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Let’s be Besties: Own a Cactus Cancer Society Bracelet!

Cactus Cancer Society is thrilled to be selected as a beneficiary for the Little Words Project’s Big Impact Initiative. Introducing: the resilient bracelet!

Little Words Project creates bracelets with words to inspire the person wearing them. On our bracelet design, the word is “resilient,” surrounded by colorful and bright beads, celebrating your resilience and that of our prickly and colorful community. Think of them as a grown-up friendship bracelet, one that will last beyond summer concert tours and trading. And the best part? This bracelet gives back! With every purchase, 25% of the net profits will be donated back to Cactus Cancer Society.

Here’s how YOU can give back and be a super-esteemed gift giver!

1. Stock up now for holiday gifts. Let’s get real: we are all really jealous of folks when they are done with their holiday shopping by November. Now, you can be one of them!

2. Grab one for you and one for the most resilient person you know. For an extra meaningful kick, write a note inside a card sharing what you admire about them. Cue award for Most Thoughtful Friend Of All Time.

3. Buy a few to have on hand for yourself and your cancer besties. For their next Re-Birthday or Cancerversary, you can give them an amazing gift that also gives back. Plus, you’ll be able to match us IRL at CancerCon 2025 in Washington, D.C.!* Making the rounds at all the young adult cancer events this summer? A little elephant told us they’re perfect for making a splash at Young Adult Cancer Camp!

4. Have kiddos in your life? Give them one, explaining what resilience is and how they can overcome their challenges. Plus, since the bracelets come in four sizes, you can get one to fit around a smaller wrist – and they come with a Limited Lifetime Warranty, meaning your bracelet is built to withstand all of the adventures a kid can have.

5. Grab one for your favorite teacher! Want to make a great impression on an educator you love when you get back to school? Gift them a bracelet as a reminder for them and the students they serve.

Want the summary? You buy a bracelet, Cactus Cancer Society receives a whopping 25% of the net profits, and you look like the benevolent, supreme gift-giver you’ve always wanted to be.

Don’t delay – get your bracelet ASAP!

* Mark your CancerCon calendar for our session, From Story to Strength: Creative Ways to Advocate! Friday, August 22, from 4:00 PM – 5:30 PM ET. Can’t wait to see you there!

Happy, Prickly Pride!

June is officially here, and that means that at Cactus Cancer Society, we are celebrating Pride Month in all of your (and our) favorite ways!

But first, we want to remind you that at Cactus Cancer Society, one of our core values is celebrating our inclusive community. Since we were established as a non-profit ten years ago, YOU have remained at the heart of what we do and why we do it. Our virtual community is comprised of young adults from all corners of the world, and we not only welcome you regardless of race, religion, gender, gender expression, ancestry, disability, marital status, and sexual orientation: we celebrate you. Our community is prickly, resilient, and fabulous!

What can you expect around here that’s different during Pride?

  • We have our annual Pride Art Workshop for members of the LGBTQIA+ community and their allies. This year, we’ll be making vibrant, colorful decoupage animals… and program participants might find a few fun additions to their supply package. (Space is limited – sign up today!)
  • This month, the prompts in our drop-in Coffee and Oodles program will also be Pride-themed. Each week’s prompt will celebrate the revolutionary contributions of LGBTQIA+ folx and reflect on the themes of inclusivity, breaking boundaries, and authenticity.
  • You’ll also see some of our Pride designs in our Threadless shop: be sure to grab your limited edition merch now!

While official Pride celebrations may only last the month of June, know that we are here for you all year-round. To find out the latest on our programs and events, visit our website or sign-up for our email list here!

Happy Pride, Prickly fam! We love you.

Our Anthology: Perfect for Everyone On Your Shopping List!

We’ve got a holiday present coming that has been a decade in the making – and it will be one for everyone on your list!

In celebration of our tenth birthday next Spring, we are publishing a first-of-its-kind, long-awaited Cactus Cancer Society Anthology! The anthology will boast photos of beautiful visual art pieces, and powerfully written poems and short stories, all created by our young adult cancer community members. You will not want to miss the chance to own this limited-edition art collection and piece of Cactus Cancer Society history!

Here’s how you can reserve a copy for everyone on your list from this limited edition run:

  1. You can snag your anthology copy AND add a line of dedication to the anthology itself! For $45, you can contribute your own message. Take a line to wish your gift recipient a wonderful New Year! Thank your oncologist in writing! Thank your great uncle Pat for gifting you an art set when you were nine!
  2. You can also pre-order your copy of the anthology as-is. For $30, you can tell them their book is on the way once it’s hot off the presses.
  3. Pocket feeling a bit light from holiday shopping? You can grab your anthology for $40 after the pre-sale closes on February 15, 2025.

One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is a gift to look forward to, and that’s just what this anthology will be. Be the hero of this holiday season and the spring when the anthology is in their hands.

Ask a Cactus: Clinical Trials and Patient Experience

This is our final video in our Ask a Cactus Series on Clinical Trials! Hear from Laura, a Nurse Practioner at UCSF who answers all sorts of questions about clinical trials! In this video, she’ll talk about the healthcare team taking care of you during a clinical trial and where to ask questions, the ethics governing clinical trials, the rights you have as a participant, how much is might cost, and more.

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