Rethinking Body Image: Remember To Love Yourself

body image after cancer

This post is brought to us by Clarissa!

It was recently Valentine’s Day and while the day is meant to share love with others, I also think it’s a great time to remember to love yourself.

When I first started going on dates and had my first relationship (which wasn’t until sophomore year of college), I was incredibly nervous. Not only was I late in the game compared to many of my peers, but I was also incredibly self-conscious. Sure, I had the same questions running through my head that most girls consider – does he really like me, does he think I’m pretty, will he ask me out again? But, the nerves really came from the fact that I simultaneously contended with some more serious questions, ones that most girls don’t have to worry about – is he going to be grossed out if he sees my scars, does seeing my scars mean I should tell him I had cancer twice, and what should I do about the stretch marks (caused by all the steroids I took during treatment) that cover my lower abdomen and lower back?

Before I knew it, the normal questions had spiraled into this realization that I found fault with my body for things that could not be changed. I had not accepted those parts of me, so how could I expect someone else to?

Often, we think only of body image in relation to cancer treatment, considering how the impact of hair loss, weight gain, weight loss, surgery, etc. can all take a toll on the body. However, I think body image is equally as challenging after cancer treatment, when the rest of your life is back to “normal” but your body doesn’t catch up and is not what it once was. To some extent, you can work to restore your body’s health by eating well and exercising regularly. But, there are often things that you can’t do anything about.

How can you learn to accept those things you can’t change? I’ve learned that a lot of it has to do with perspective. You don’t have to think of scars, stretch marks, etc. as faults. Rather, think of those things as strengths. They are signs that your body got through things most other bodies don’t have to do. Find empowerment in them. I found this change in perspective gave me a big self-confidence boost and enabled me to view myself in a much more positive way. Maybe it can do the same for you 🙂

How do you conquer self-love and self-image?  How have you dealt with body image after cancer?

Clarissa Schilstra is a two-time cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia for the first time when she was two and a half years old. She went through two and a half years of chemotherapy and survived. She led a happy and healthy life until June of 2007, when her cancer relapsed. So, she went through another two and a half years of chemotherapy, this time accompanied by radiation. She is now twenty-one years old and a senior at Duke University. Her passion is helping others cope with the ups and downs of life during and after cancer treatment. It is her goal to become a clinical psychologist after she graduates from Duke, and she would like to help improve the psychological care available to adolescents and young adults who have serious illnesses. You can read more about Clarissa on her website and blog at www.teen-cancer.com. You can also find her book, Riding the Cancer Coaster: Survival Guide for Teens, on Amazon.

Interested in contributing a one-time article to Lacuna Loft? Email info@lacunaloft.org with your submission!

Easy Self-Care Tip #6: Take A Deep Breath

Welcome to our new series of easy self-care tips!  If you have an easy self-care tip that works for you, share with us!

Easy Self-Care Tip #6:

Take a deep breath today, every time you find yourself becoming anxious or stressed.

Taking a second to yourself, to breathe deeply, helps you disconnect from the stressful situation at hand.  You give yourself a few extra seconds to contemplate and readjust before diving back in.  Whether you’re about to call your insurance company, stressed by a badly behaving friend, caring for a fast-moving child, you name it, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath can make all the difference.

Easy Self-Care Tip #5: Move

self-care tip

Welcome to our series of easy self-care tips!  If you have an easy self-care tip that works for you, share with us!

Easy Self-Care Tip #5:

Move somewhere today.

Allowing your body the exercise and movement that it needs to stay healthy and to work off your stress and worries is crucial to self-care.  Try taking a brisk walk instead of the bus.  Put on a yoga video (so many of them are free on youtube!) for 20 minutes before you slouch on the couch for the rest of the evening.  Meet a friend out for a bike ride or at an exercise class.  There are so many options to get yourself moving today.

How do you make sure that you move everyday?

Easy Self-Care Tip #4: Taking Mental Holidays

Welcome to our new series of easy self-care tips!  If you have an easy self-care tip that works for you, share with us!

Easy Self-Care Tip #4:

Take a mental holiday.

Daylight savings has ended and the clocks have moved back 1 hour.  For me, that is as good an excuse as any to take a mental holiday.  Take today and do something nice for yourself!

I like to pick days every once in a while for a mental holiday.  I work on exactly what I want and nothing more.  I relax in between some loads of laundry.  I cuddle with my two pups.  I basically do exactly what my body is calling for.  Bank holidays are great excuses to take a mental holiday.  What to do though when a bank holiday is no where in sight?  Invent your own 🙂

Do you take a mental holiday from time to time?  What will you do for yourself today?

Easy Self-Care Tip #3

easy self-care tip

Welcome to our new series of easy self-care tips!  If you have an easy self-care tip that works for you, share with us!

Easy Self-Care Tip #3:

You can only choose one thing.

Feeling like you need some space today to relax and rejuvenate but frustrated because you’re not getting any work done?  You can only choose one.  Either push your own needs aside and put your nose to the grind OR take some needed time and space for yourself.  (My two cents:  If you take space for yourself now, I’ve found that I then have more energy for work later on.)  Stressed because you need to pack but feeling sick and unmotivated? (That was me, sick with a sinus infection and pink eye a few weeks ago).  You can only choose one.  Either grab your box of portable tissues and pack those boxes, OR put yourself to bed for some rest and relaxation.

Feeling pulled in two directions only leads to stress, resentment, or guilt once you choose one.  Knowing that, no matter what, you can only choose one thing, lets you off the hook.  Since you can only choose one, think about it, and then choose without any remorse about the loss of the other choice.

When things get tough, what do you choose?

Easy Self-Care Tip #2

self-care tip

Welcome to our new series of easy self-care tips!  If you have an easy self-care tip that works for you, share with us!

Easy Self-Care Tip #2:

Do something nice for yourself today.

Whether that is adding a bit of honey to your tea, taking a bubble bath at the end of the day, spending a few minutes reading a favorite book before bed, or anything else…do something nice for yourself today.  Think of it as if you were doing something nice for a good and kind friend.

An Easy Self-Care Tip

easy self-care tip

Believe me, I know.  Self-care is not a piece of cake.  Sure, once you hear a tip is sounds easy enough but all the real work is found in the implementation.  Even so, never to late to hear a new, easy self-care tip right?  I learned this one when I was in grad school.  I’ll admit that I don’t quite have the hang of it yet…but I’m working on it!

When you’re facing a tough day or a tough situation (or both!), try talking to yourself like you would talk to a really good friend, or to your younger self.  How would you react to your best friend (or the younger you) if he or she lost that big client or didn’t do well in that race or had a less than stellar day?

Would you blame them for the mistake?  Would you pile on all of the other things that your friend did wrong that day?

I didn’t think so.

Try talking to yourself like you would a very good friend.  You are with yourself all the time for goodness sake!  Treat yourself like your own best friend!  Nurture yourself and be kind.

Have you heard of this easy self-care tip before?  What other self-care tips do you use?

5 Simple Self Care Rituals

self care ideas

We are reposting this, with permission, from Christine Janak’s blog.  You can find more from Christine on her website or on Facebook.  Christine instructs yoga (among her many talents) and I admire her for her strong sense of self, and self-care!  

You can find more on Abhyanga and Meditation on other Lacuna Loft posts.

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I want to share with you a few  self-care practices that are incredibly easy to add into your daily routine. Many of them are inspired by Ayurveda, the 5,000-year-old system for natural healing, and sister science to yoga, that has its origins in the Vedic culture of India. I guarantee that each time you do one of these practices, and take a moment to show yourself some love, you’ll feel better afterward. I have experimented with each of these practices over the past 6-12 months, so I will share both the claimed benefits of each and my own experiences with them. My purpose is only to share information, but it is up to you to learn more and to experiment and decide if these practices are right for you and your personal health situation. You don’t have to do them all, and you certainly don’t have to start them all at once! My advice is to choose one and to take your time exploring that practice for a few days or weeks. Once you’re comfortable with it, maybe add another into your routine and let this momentum of self-love keep building. Enjoy!

1. Tongue Scraping or Jihwa Prakshalana

As we sleep at night, our digestive system keeps working, removing toxins from our bodies and depositing them on our tongues. Check out your tongue in the mirror when you wake up, and you’ll see a thin layer of yellow or whitish goo on it. That lovely stuff is made up of bacteria, food debris, fungi, toxins, and dead cells! Gross, right? Luckily, it is easy to remove it and keep it from being reabsorbed into your body. Scraping your tongue every day:

  • Bolsters your immune system
  • Supports your digestive and respiratory systems
  • Boosts overall dental health
  • Helps prevent halitosis
  • Can open up clogged taste buds, making food taste better
  • Stimulates saliva production, stoking your agni or digestive fire

Metal tongue scrapers are inexpensive and can be found at most grocery and drug stores. Scrape your tongue first thing in the morning, before consuming any food or drink. You might think that brushing your tongue with your toothbrush is getting the job done, but really it just moves that junk around without fully removing it!

Stainless Steel Tongue Scraper

My experience: The effects of this would be pretty tough to measure, but I can say that it feels great to get that nasty goo off my tongue, especially now that I know what it is. I also feel that starting my day with this beneficial practice (and the next one on the list) sets the tone for the rest of my day. I know that I’m doing something mindful to take care of myself and I can take that attitude with me as I go out into the world, making better choices throughout my day. This is by far the easiest and least time-consuming practice on the list, but the health benefits are incredible. If there is one thing from this list that you try, start scraping your tongue!

2. Warm Lemon Water

While citrus and H2O can’t hurt at any point in your day, this practice is known for being particularly beneficial first thing in the morning. Our bodies are naturally dehydrated when we wake up in the morning, after hours of using and recycling the same water to heal and detoxify as we sleep.  A warm cup of water rehydrates the body and serves to dilute the acidic lemon juice, which can be hard on the enamel of the teeth. Lemons are absolutely packed with nutrients, including B and C vitamins, calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium, and fiber. A cup of warm water mixed with the juice of half a lemon :

Warm water with lemon (and maybe ACV too!)

  • Boosts your immune system
  • Aids digestion
  • Boosts your energy
  • Helps flush out toxins
  • Helps relieve constipation
  • Reduces inflammation over time
  • Helps fight viral infections
  • Provides blemish and wrinkle-fighting antioxidants
  • Helps reduce anxiety and depression

For added detoxifying and blood sugar balancing effects, I add 1 tablespoon of raw, unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar. For this purpose, you want the kind that has “the mother,” strands of proteins, enzymes, and friendly bacteria that give the vinegar a murky, cobweb-like appearance. The flavor may take some getting used to, but you can always dilute with more water.

My Experience: I LOVE my lemon water. It definitely wakes me up in the morning and sometimes gives me an all-over body buzz, a warming sensation on the surface of my skin.  I’m not a big caffeine drinker anymore, but if you are trying to cut back on your intake, replacing your morning coffee with lemon water is a great choice, even if you start out with just a few days each week. Make sure you rinse your mouth with plain water afterwards to protect your enamel from the acid in the lemon juice.

3. Dry Skin Brushing

I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical about this one the first time I read about it, but I am now happily converted, it is AWESOME. Skin brushing’s most important benefit, in my opinion, is that it stimulates the lymphatic system, aiding in the body’s natural detoxification processes and strengthening the immune system. It also exfoliates away dead skin cells, unclogs pores, and increases blood flow to the skin, giving you glowing, silky-soft skin. Another purported benefit is the reduction of cellulite through firming the skin and helping to break up the fat deposits that cause the wrinkled appearance. But quite honestly, I wouldn’t put too much stock in that one. And a friendly reminder for my lady readers, 80-90% of women have cellulite, yes, even supermodels! It is the norm for us women (and some men) and it does not mean that we are unhealthy or overweight. Perhaps our time would be better spent learning to love ourselves as we are than trying to banish those perfectly normal little dimples. Okay, back to the skin brushing…

Skin Brush with Natural Bristles

All you need for this is a dry skin brush with firm, natural bristles, ideally with a long handle for reaching your back. They can be found in stores, but I bought mine online for less than $10. What you’ll do is brush your entire body with gentle pressure, starting at the soles of the feet, making long strokes toward the heart, up the legs, arms, and back. Circular motions should be made around the joints and around the abdomen. It’s best to do this before you shower in order to wash away all the dead cells and other funky stuff that you brushed off.

Lymph Flow Guide

My Experience: My favorite thing about skin brushing is how energized I feel afterward. The surface of my body is tingling all over and has a warm, rosy glow from the increased blood-flow. The first time I tried it, the bristles were a lot rougher than I expected. The sensation took a little getting used to, but now it feels great. My skin definitely looks and feels softer and healthier. It retains moisture longer, so I’ve found myself applying moisturizers less often. The most interesting effect has been the disappearance of a harmless, yet mildly annoying skin condition that I have had since grade school. It’s called keratosis pilaris, and for me it appears as little white bumps scattered over my upper arms. After dry brushing 3-5 times per week for two weeks, the bumps had vanished! The condition does start to return if I don’t stay consistent with the brushing, so if you’re going to do it, I suggest hanging your brush somewhere convenient so you will see it and remember to use it. It only feels better with time, so stick with it!

4. Self-Massage or Abhyanga

We ask a lot of our bodies, especially as yogis or athletes of any sort. Self-massage is not only a tangible way to show your body some love and gratitude for all of the amazing things it does for you every day, but it also provides some important health benefits:

  • Increases circulation
  • Lubricates joints
  • Improves muscle tone
  • Encourages detoxification by:
    • Stimulating internal organs
    • Stimulating lymphatic system
  • Softens and smoothes skin
  • Calms nerves
  • Promotes deep, healthy sleep

It is recommended to use a natural oil for self-massage, such as coconut, sesame, or almond. There are certain types of oils that are best for balancing your specific dosha(s), or Ayurvedic mind-body type. You can learn your dosha type here.

For a full-on abhyanga session, you will warm your oil and gently massage it all over your body in a particular pattern, similar to the one for dry brushing. This massage is not meant to be a deep-tissue muscle massage (though it totally can be if that’s what you need); rather, it is meant to be a light, soothing surface massage that helps to awaken the body’s natural systems for healing and removing toxins.

My experience: Just wonderful. When I have time to do the full body massage, I love to go all out, light some candles, and have a nice, long soak in a warm bath afterward. A realistic way for me to work this into my daily life is do a quicker version, taking about 3-5 minutes to do a light all-over massage, even if clothes are left on. I give myself short massages during the day at work or after a yoga practice or exercise, which is an especially nice way to wind down and massage the muscles while they are still warm.

5. Meditation

The healing power of meditation has been getting quite a bit of attention in the news and Western research in recent years. In case you missed it, here’s a quick run-down of the benefits:

Benefits of Meditation

Meditation is not easy, especially when you’re just starting out, but it doesn’t have to be difficult either! One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is that you have to shift your perspective if it seems like a chore. Instead of thinking, “I have to meditate,” think “I get to meditate.” And here’s the best part – you don’t have to meditate for an hour, or even half an hour…in fact you shouldn’t start there. A great strategy for beginners is to start with just two minutes at a time, and add one minute every day. Another exciting revelation – you don’t have to sit in a full lotus posture or any other pretzel-like position that is uncomfortable for you. Sitting in a chair is a great place to start, with the spine erect, shoulders relaxed, and a soft face and jaw. If you do want to sit on the ground, you can prop yourself up by sitting on a yoga block or two, or anything other object that can get your hips higher than your knees in a cross-legged position. Once you’re comfy, it might be a good idea to set a timer so you won’t have to worry about how much time has passed. Next, close your eyes, and take a few deep, slow breaths…in through the nose and out through the mouth. From here there are a TON of different types of meditation strategies you can try to help you center your mind and

meditation-attention-regulationslow down your thoughts. That’s what mindful meditation is all about. You don’t have to attempt to stop thinking completely; rather, you can practice observing your thoughts, acknowledging them as they occur, and then gently letting them float away, returning your attention to your breathing and to the sensations happening in your body. Pretty freakin’ simple, and I guarantee that you will feel great afterward, especially if you keep meditating regularly! Final word of advice: Do NOT beat yourself up if you miss a few days. Any progress is good progress, and creating feelings of guilt for yourself is not productive.

My Experience: I first learned to meditate in karate classes when I was 10 years old. Even after I ditched karate in favor of free Saturday mornings for running  around outside, I kept up with the meditation on and off over the years. I found the practice especially useful during the wild and sometimes traumatic pre-teen and teenage years. I took a break from it during college (when I probably could have used it most), but have returned to it in the last 2 years. I know now that this practice is what yoga is really all about, this time for stillness and self-study. Meditation is what makes me feel whole and what allows me to come back to my true self when things get crazy. It helps me put things in perspective and tame my over-active inner critic. It helps me realize that my thoughts are not ME, and that they are not necessarily true either. That I have the power, in each and every moment of my day, to notice my train of thought and to send it in a more positive direction, if I only take a moment to breathe and to become aware of what’s happening inside. One of my favorite quotations from the Buddha says it all in so few words:

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything.

What we think, we become.”

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I hope that this post inspires you to find new ways to make your health and happiness a priority.  Keep in mind that this was only a brief introduction to these practices. I encourage you to learn more about them and to make sure that they are appropriate for your unique health situation before making any changes.

Take care of yourselves and make sure you find a way to play a little bit every day! : )

You can find more from Christine on her website or on Facebook.  Lacuna Loft does not endorse or mandate any of these self care practices…we serve to teach and educate on self care ideas and lifestyle management ideas and possibilities.  Please self care responsibly 🙂

A Week Of Self Care Experiment – The Outcome

self care

A few weeks ago, I talked about trying out a week of self care experiment.  I was going on a trip where most of my self care managing techniques (being close to loved ones, being in charge of my own schedule, being close to my pups) were stripped away.  I decided to spend the week observing the ways in which I exercised (or didn’t exercise) self care and what methods I used.  Well, the results are here!  Each day, I kept a diary of sorts…what things happened, any anxieties I was feeling, and how I reacted to myself.

Friday — leaving town, feeling stressed.  asked Brett to take the morning off which helped ease my feelings of anxiety a lot.  was nervous to drive the last shift of the day but I napped and got some caffeine before my turn to drive began.  Notes:  I felt stress and nerves but asked for what I needed or took care of myself as required.

Saturday — driving the rest of the way to SC.  felt actual disinterest in the rest of the trip away from home.  ignored myself until the feelings passed.  dinner…oh so tired.  Notes:  I actually ignored myself while feeling uncomfortable…

Sunday — church in the am, quick lunch, and afternoon in charleston.  kept losing the group I was walking with.  felt sad and excluded.  pep-talked with myself and ended up having a great time.  once back at our home base, packed lunch for the next day.  Notes:  Reminding myself that I was great company and totally willing and able to direct my own attention and take care of my needs was very helpful in soothing the feelings of discomfort and exclusion.  I anticipated my needs for the next day and took care of some of them ahead of time.

Monday — woke up first, took quick shower, and had time to relax a little before everyone else woke up.  rainy and cold at the work site.  felt uninterested and unenthusiastic by the work and weather.  providence brought a hardware store run (heat in the car!) and a long lunch.  then more rain, but also more laughter.  Notes:  I tried not to be too hard on myself while feeling lethargic but I also noticed that I ignored myself instead of attempting to provide comfort.

Tuesday — much nicer weather.  working felt easier.  evening schedule changed abruptly which annoyed me.  went with it, even ran after having taken a shower.  wrote a little.  Notes:  I like having a schedule and knowledge of how best to take care of myself.  The evening’s schedule was changed quickly and so I was completely ready for something that I then needed to wait another 2 hours for.  I hate that in normal life so handling it while on the trick felt difficult.  I went with the flow, took a run after having showered and you know what?  It worked out fine.

Wednesday — was better about being 100% ready to go instead of 98% ready to go and then being the last one out the door while taking care of the last 2%.  met 2 lovely pups who quickly stole my heart.  felt very vulnerable and experienced some frightening past and potential animal tragedies in my head while driving to and fro and while eating lunch.  deep breathed and thought calming, soothing, loving thoughts.  Notes:  I calmed myself like I would calm a friend and my feelings of anxiety and panic passed.

The rest of the week we were on a beach and far more in control of our food and our schedule.  Sooo I stopped writing self care entries 🙂  I had some trouble on the way home…I was having back spasms and experiencing quite a lot of pain.  Once I was able to control the physical pain though, my emotional stability improved as well.

Overall notes:  Near the start of the trip, I literally ignored myself while feeling anxious or apathetic.  This seems like a pretty miserable way to self care.  I would never ignore an anxious or sad friend so why do I ignore myself?!  Eventually I took control over my feelings of anxiety when they would arise.  I talked to soothe myself and relieve my panic, I preemptively balanced my need for personal space (waking up first) as well as other needs (making my lunch ahead of time and going for a run even though I’d already showered), and tried to frame these small tasks in my brain as acts of love and caring.  I was able to speak with my husband every night and he regularly sent me text message pictures of our pups.  I seem to default to talking my way out of panic.  I’d love to explore other ways of handling my self care when a crisis crops up.

The basic thing that I learned from this trip?  I handle my self care regularly but I still have a lot of work to do.  Ignoring myself seems like I tactic I should stop as soon as possible and developing other methods of self care, different from the soothing and calming self talk that I used, seems advantageous.  It was a nice proof though that I can, in fact, go totally outside of my comfort zone, take care of myself and others around me while having a good time.

How do you self care?  Any tips or tricks that we could share with others?

A Week Of Self Care Experiment

self care

As some of you know, I am out of town this week.  I’m helping out a bunch of college students on a service trip in South Carolina.  My husband has been left to ‘man the fort’ (so to speak) and play single dad to our two pups.

This week I have been out of my element in several ways.  I’ve been with people that I didn’t know very well (or at all…) before leaving town, I haven’t been in total control of my schedule, and I’ve been away from my pups.  Usually, the ways that I manage my self care involve all of those aspects of life…my pups are loving pieces of my day who help me sooth my anxieties and get outside my box, I surround myself with people that I love as often as possible, and I count on having the professional control over my schedule to work when it is best for me and to not work when that is best for me.

…enter in some anxiety.

So, sometime last week, in anticipation of all of these factors, I decided to hold a week of self care experiment.

What does my experiment entail, you might ask?  Finding ways to self sooth and self care when I am not in control.  I’m going to try and be more patient with myself, more kind with my hesitations and anxieties.  I’m going to try and figure out how to be with just me, when everything else might be out of my control.  Next week, I’ll check back in with everyone and explain how the experiment went.

What kinds of self talk helped me rebalance myself?

What kinds of body positions or breathing techniques helped me stop any negative self talk or anxious reactions to my environment?

What advice would I give to my husband (or future child) if he was facing similar stress… and could I give myself the same advice?

I’m hoping to discover all of this and much more over the course of this week.  Wish me luck!

Have you taken time to explicitly figure out how to self care and self sooth?  What techniques work well for you?

P.S. A self care planner & a retreat day