Kelsey, Author at Cactus Cancer Society

Virasana, Our Hero Heart

I have a friend who is growing her compassion. Actively learning this skill that we assume we can muster when needed. She attends seminars. She studies books. She travels to be at conferences. She is building her compassion muscles with workouts in her life and in each conversation. And I love hearing about what she is learning.

After one trip, she told me that her teachers encouraged her to see everyone around her as already a hero in someone’s life. Instead of seeing “that guy who just cut me off” or “that woman who gave me a funny look” or “those people who have it all together and don’t even know how I’m feeling”… now he is a hero in someone’s story. She is a hero for someone else. They are heroes in some way simply unknown to me.

And the same is true in us. How can I turn my “not good enoughs” and “unlikeables” and “failed attempts” into seeing the hero in me? The bravery it takes to get up each morning and put on my truest face of myself to share with the world. The strength it takes to listen and care and walk alongside other humans. The courage it takes to reveal something vulnerable in me – something not yet (or not ever) perfect.

I’m not sure I’ve taught a yoga class that doesn’t include the cue “lift your heart” at some point. Oh, if only we could always proudly share our hearts in life! This yoga pose invites us to stretch our whole front body. With all our vital organs are ‘out in the open’, it takes courage to be so vulnerable – in yoga and in life! I invite you to spend a few minutes in this reclined (and supported) yoga pose, Virasana, named after a hero with a brave and passionate heart, like you. Who is a hero in your story? Who are you a hero for?

Ingredients:

– soft floor

– thick blanket or long thin pillow

– extra pillows around to figure out your set up!

On the floor, sit with your knees bent and your heels on each side of your seat. Your feet and ankles will be stretched flat down on the floor. Sit upright and check in with your body here. You may want to put a blanket or pillow under your seat for comfort. Breathe.

If you feel open to a little more of a stretch on the front body, remove anything under your seat and place your hands behind you. Set a rolled blanket or long pillow behind you that will eventually support you along your spine. Slowly lower to your forearms. If you are able, lower your back onto the pillow (getting a few can work, too!). Let the top of your head reach for the floor or support your neck and head with an additional pillow. Breathe big and deep and rest in the truth that you are courageous and strong.

(Sitting with knee pain is not heroic, so click to check out some great variations for your body!)

It’s Not Personal (with a twist!)

There was a miscommunication. I’m grateful we caught it in time. I chose to ’emergency’ sub a class tonight that I had asked not to cover. I had just a few minutes to think through what I might layer together into a coherent 90 minute class (yes – 90!!) while welcoming students, taking payments, and answering questions. Phew. I taught the class and felt like the night was a success (people smiled, moved in their bodies safely, etc.). I was excited to clean up and go home to a long awaited dinner, unpacking the groceries still in my car, and playing with my puppy. I felt like I had offered something, pushed my own boundaries of being prepared, and was of service to these students who otherwise would have encountered the news of no class.

After class a student I know came up to me and asked me, “Can you take some criticism?”

I still remember getting an F on a temperature quiz in third grade. I still feel the scar of embarrassment from failing my driving test and the angry finger of blame I wanted to point at the car I was driving. Criticism, failure, is not my strong-suit.

“Yes, of course,” I answered. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that someone else’s perspective is just that, one perspective. I listened to what he had to say and did my best to hear where he was coming from. And to remind myself gracefully that I am new, I have a lot to learn, I am only one person and can’t be what everyone wants out of a teacher – nor would I want to aim to. I did my best not to turn it around on him, not to give my justifications or defenses (ok, still working on that). And I think he felt heard and that our relationship as fellow yoga practitioners is stronger.

And then I went home rehearsing the conversation over and over in my head, replaying all the parts of what he didn’t like about me. So I put on some loud Taylor Swift (because I can’t think while pop music is on) and attempted to drown out the noise. It didn’t work. I sat myself down with some comfort food and made some tea and practiced letting it go. This isn’t personal. Exhale. This is more about his expectations, his mind, his practice, than it is anything about me. Exhale. And I am sure there are other people who don’t like my classes (I could guess by faces sometimes). Exhale. And I have been a jerk in class scowling at a teacher in my head. And it did me no good – I lost the chance to enjoy my class and left as a grouch. Exhale, exhale, exhale. And people have said good things to me and bad – and there will be more. None of these things mean anything about me. Big exhale.

What does matter is how I let them live inside of me. So for the next few days, I’ll practice letting this go. When the voices return in my head, I’ll take a deep breath and exhale them out. It may take days, or weeks, for it to lose the emotional pull towards reaction… but it will release. Like a knot in my muscles, with time and repeated handling, it will heal.

Enjoy the pose below and use it to take a few exhales of things that feel personal. Remind yourself that they aren’t really about you. Really, not much in our world really is about us… and there is so much freedom and peace in that. As Elsa reminds me, “Let it go…”

Ingredients:

– one big pillow (or two normal sized)

– soft ground

Place your pillow (or stacked pillows) on the ground. Bring the side of your hip up against the pillows. Bend your knees and tuck your feet closer to your seat. Twist and bring your chest and face down on the pillow. Place your arms on either side and sink into the support of the earth and the pillow(s). Breathe deep and exhale your junk. Inhale love, compassion, and gentleness towards yourself. Spend 5-10 minutes and switch sides.

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Always A Beginner (+hamstring stretch)

I so much prefer when I know all the answers, when I have it ‘figured out’ or at least can look the part. I like being the one with experience, age, and usually a little bit of an attitude of superiority. It fells good and safe.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of areas in my life where I do not have the answers – if there are any to be found. I really feel uncomfortable when I am faced with situations where I can’t have everything figured out, I get anxious and snarky. Surprises or changed plans trigger this panic in me – what do I say? What do I bring to the dinner party? I want people to see me as put together ‘right’ and if I can’t manage that image, I feel lost. This lurking, scheming voice in my mind wants to look better, sound better, and be better than the people around me – and ‘better’ than how I really am.

And then there is this yoga thing. The first Sutra points me to beginning the inquisition of yoga… and I’m a real beginner here. I don’t have the knowledge that so many people around me have. I don’t have the experience that many teachers my age have under their belts. I feel tempted to pretend, to reply vaguely to leave space for people thinking I’ve been doing this forever. But it feels so icky because it is totally untrue. I play the impostor and then I lose a chance to learn because I’m hiding instead of being real and just asking the question. I have some threads of this yoga web that I’m clinging to and I do need help and I do need other people. And I have trouble admitting that.

But once I do, I can imagine another narrative. Instead of only getting the surface of connection with the people around me, I can ask the deep questions that I’m afraid of – and connect over the discoveries in the reply. I can be that awesome person that wants others to share, to teach me everything they know, to soak up the humanity-experience-compassion that they have grown in their lives. I would love for someone to come up to ME and say, “I think you have so much wonderful ____ in you – could you teach me?”… so let me begin by being that to others. And oh, what I could learn and enjoy along the way! Because it seems like it would be much more fun to be honest with where I’m at (and where I’m not) and get to explore the journey of learning, one step at a time.

Yoga daily reminds me that we are called to be beginners in this awesome, expansive, humility-embracing kind of way. In a way that draws people together, opens them up, and shares the light we all have within us. And it is as hard as anything to wear the ‘beginner’ hat all the time. But I believe that it will be more rewarding over the long haul. So I will practice being a beginner, always. Maybe we can wear this hat together.

Here’s a stretch that really reminds me that I am just beginning the journey into my hamstrings…

Paschimottanasana/Forward Fold

Ingredients:

– lots of pillows

– comfy place to sit on the floor

Sit on the ground with your legs stretched straight in front of you. Pile some pillows on your lap. Stretch your spine and reach as tall as you are able in your back. Gently fold over your legs onto the pillows. Rest your head to one side. Breathe deeply and evenly through the nose. Sink in here, supported by the pillows, for 5 minutes. Switch your head and adjust (you may get deeper into the pose) and then hold for 5 more minutes.

Think of an area of your life where you want to embrace being a beginner. Imagine how free it will feel to wear that hat instead of the “all together” hat. Trust that where you are at on your path is enough.

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Going Full Circle

Each week we are be exploring a restorative yoga pose or breathing technique with images/video and tips. Check in at Lacuna Loft on Wednesdays to anchor your week with peace, grounding + community (and don’t forget to join the dialogue all week long by posting comments). Excited to journey together!

I got back from holiday travels and decided that the new year meant new arrangements for my house. I measured and cut little shapes to move around the paper drawn version of our living room. I talked to my husband. We cleared out all the little things like lamps, guitars, rugs, and dog toys. And we started to move. We pulled things out of one room and into the next. We tried the long couch here and there. We took everything out of one room and put it in another. We sat from different angles and took in the view. We weighed the pros and cons and all the things we value for a space – comfort, view, conversation friendliness. We got up, shifted things again.

Two hours later, we arrived at an arrangement almost the same as the original. We only decided to move the TV from one room to another and perched it on our mantle. So, two hours of work and we were back where we started. Which, it occurred to me, was like most epic journeys. The myth of the hero. We go, we discover, wrestle through challenge, meet adversity, grow, reflect, change… and wind up back in the same place, only different inside.

Like my living room, there are parts of my life that may look mostly the same on the outside over the course of a year (ok, I did cut my hair pretty short last March) but that have undergone a massive process of growth. How I think about my relationships has changed through some hard pondering and conversations. My spirituality has changed language and expression with a huge embrace of yoga though a lot of the outward expressions of who I am remain similar. How I choose to think about my husband’s work and its time demands is slowly evolving and giving me more freedom to love boldly.

But for me the process doesn’t stop there. We come back around to these ‘same’ places… these almost the same places. And then we begin again. We learn more, we grow deeper, we dig further into relationships, beliefs, our stories and patterns and choices… and we come back different again. It doesn’t stop. What part of your life has these cyclical patterns of growth in it? Use these yoga poses to spend time contemplating cycles of change and expansion in your life.

Easy Pose (Sukhasana) or Lotus (Padmasana)

Ingredients

– two or three pillows

– a blanket or soft floor

Easy Pose:

Come on to the floor on your seat. Bring your legs out in front of you with knees bent. Cross your legs and draw your ankles in towards your body (sitting cross legged). Check that your ankles are under the opposite knee. Place a pillow under each knee so that it is resting, grounded. Maybe even place another pillow under your seat so that your spine can stretch tall. Feel the energy in your body move through the full circle of your legs.

Half Lotus Pose:

Begin cross legged on the floor. Lift the right knee up and bend it so much that your right thigh and calf hug. Keep the ankle close to your seat and rotate in the hip socket to move the knee/leg wide around. Place your right foot in your left hip crease. Place a pillow under each knee and sit in this pose of ‘full circle’ legs and feet. This is half lotus. After a few minutes, release and work the left side.

(Bonus: For some extra clarity, sit with your eyes closed and your hands in gyan mudra – thumbs and pointer fingers touching!)

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Finding Stillness

After our holiday shuffle (next year’s #1 line dance?), I find myself worn out. My mind and emotions are still spinning from all the people, conversations, travels, plans, and events. My body is a little battered from the extra sugar and dairy and I have a bit of a cold. I didn’t even really have or make time to think about new year’s resolutions or intentions. Lucky for me, after driving 6 hours in the snow to get home, I’m here alone for almost 48 hours. Just me, two dogs, a houseful of chores, and some quiet space. Time to relearn the balance of work and rest, doing and being.

This morning I had tea and watched the dogs play. I took them out and then did some slow yoga on my mat (head cold + downward dog = won’t do that again). I began unpacking our clothes and repacking our Christmas decorations. I slowly ate breakfast while enjoying a new magazine. I got on my computer to do those e-mail to-dos that pile up and then I got some paper and colored pens out to work on a timeline of 2014 (details below). Then I did some dishes, walked the dogs, came to write this post, and am planning to do some reading with tea before dinner.

I’m noticing a pattern here… Move around, find stillness. Progress, reflection. Left to its own devices, my day has been a resetting of rhythms. How can I learn from this yearning inside me and protect these rhythms as the pace picks back up? What could I add in once a day to remind me that I need daily reflection time, too? Can we be people who remind EACH OTHER to make space for this important soul growth so we don’t just run over our lives? (I’m saying that loudly to myself…)

Here are a few ideas I had for finding the stillness in between the active parts of your day, including one fail-proof yoga pose to help you re-set at ANY time:

get a coloring book and do a page a day – invite a friend!
journal or free write for 20 minutes
drink a cup of tea or water slowly without doing ANYTHING ELSE!
meditate
take deep breaths through your nose with your eyes closed
turn off all your electronics and enjoy reading for 30 minutes
put on your favorite music and just move however your body wants to
play with a child or animal
take a mid-day savasana, “corpse pose” (described next!)

Savasana

wear comfortable and warm clothing
soft mat or rug to lay on
maybe a pillow, eye pillow, or blanket

Lie down on your back and spread your legs long and about 18” apart and rest your feet and ankles. Spread your arms away from your body with your hands relaxed and palms facing up. Close your eyes. Feel your weight sink into the earth. Notice how supported you are, how grounded. Rest here for at least 5 minutes, letting go of all thoughts and control. Mama Earth has got you!

Optional: You can choose to bend your knees slightly and add a pillow underneath to support your lower back (a more restorative version). You can add an eye pillow or favorite stuffed animal over your eyelids for darkness. You can add a blanket for warmth. You can play music… whatever suits.

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New Year Timeline

(Note: my super thoughtful friend Laura does this every year, and I invite you to give it a whirl if you are still looking to make closure with one year and purpose for the next.)

Start with a piece of paper and some colored writing instruments. Split the timeline into 12 months somehow and then add details like where you’ve been, who you saw, what you learned, major milestones, etc. I chose to use different colors to show different themes. Notice what comes to light in the big picture ideas as you step your way into the new year!

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Supporting Self

Sometimes being soft towards ourselves can be the hardest work of all.

I started doing yoga because it was convenient. There was a dance studio two blocks from my house with a class and I started going. It was my “off” day from other more strenuous workouts. Often I would even go for a run before class so that it felt like a real workout. I ran regularly and did barre classes that worked all my muscle groups till I shook. I was teaching my body who was in control and I felt like I needed to sweat (the more the merrier) for movement to ‘count’. Yoga was a break.

So when something in yoga started calling to a deeper part of me and I started going to classes maybe twice or three times a week, I wanted them to be challenging. If a teacher offered a modification to make the pose harder, I did it. Even if I wasn’t really ready for it. I wanted to sweat and feel sore. I went to hot yoga and power vinyasa and would even work the studio package and sometimes go to more than one class a day. I loved my teacher training days because I was physically working my body towards its limits.

And then I moved, found a studio to teach at, and was subbing a lot of gentle yoga. At first, I wasn’t even sure what gentle yoga meant. Like, do we put pillows under our head during headstands? So I went to a few classes and I did some research on gentle and restorative poses, took lots of notes, planned a class, practiced it a few times before teaching… and loved it.

As I was practicing being so hard on my body, I was also being hard on myself in my thoughts. Tough girl, independent, in control, always put-together. I had standards for myself that were difficult to reach, and a lot of “should”s. And entering into a whole hour (or more!) of gentle yoga where I was meant to move slowly, purposefully, supported, and restfully… was magical to say the least. For the whole hour I was allowed to nurture myself in body and mind. Sensitive thoughts that had remained hidden away from my strong pushy self began to pop up and teach me more about myself. A deep sense of peace and calm filled me. I didn’t need the hardest pose to feel satisfied.

Check out this supported version of bridge. I know, full wheel (urdva don urasana) is the hardest variation, then bridge, and then this is the ‘easiest’. Which is awesome because it means we can do it anytime in the day when we need to practice a little self-love and find a little peace.

Ingredients:

one big stiff pillow or block

soft floor

Lay down flat on your back with the block or pillow near you at your side. Bend your knees and plant your feet on the ground, about hips distance apart. Reach your arms down and see if you can touch your heels with your fingers, this is a good distance for most people but adjust as you need. Feel your shoulder blades against the floor. Feel your feet deep into the earth. Press into your feet and raise your hips into the air. Place the support under your sacrum – that triangle shaped bone just above the tail of your spine. Rest your lower back down onto the support. Breathe deep and full, expanding your lungs with each inhale. Feel your chest rise and lift towards your chin. Revel in the simplicity and support of this pose and enjoy the benefits of a little TLC!

Have you tried this support version of the yoga bridge pose before? We’d love to hear your experiences as you journey!

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Mindful Mouth-fulls

I often find myself focused on only what is physically visible to others… As if they are unable to see the hurt, frustration, anger, or sadness that is going on within me. As if I’m not making myself visible in the way I stand and cross my arms or the way I respond to a comment in an extra-emotional way. What is inside has a way of coming to the outside, and yet I can go through my day without noticing what kind of things are “inputting” into my system. From the news or music I ingest or the people I spend time with or what I put into my body as I eat and drink… all of these affect my wellbeing and my joy each day. So what could it look like to notice these pieces of my life and take an inventory? What could I maybe bring awareness to and re-order to ‘input’ more freedom, joy, and love?

Consider…

Who are the people around me and what influence do they have? Do they bring me up and remind me of who I truly am? Do they speak critically or hurtfully? Do they love and care for me?

What are the voices I’m listening to saying – both external and internal? What kind of language do I use to talk about myself? Am I critical about how I look? How I spoke? What I do or don’t know? What kind of self-talk am I creating inside?

How am I treating my body? Am I fighting against it? Am I able to listen to my body? Do I give myself time to breathe fully? What am I putting into my body?

While you ponder these questions, take a swing at this mindfulness exercise below. Slowing down while I eat is just one way to remind myself that what I put in my body and my life matters – and I want to receive it fully! Going into the holidays, it is easy to be mindless about what I am eating. Besides the fact that I’m definitely eating MORE, I don’t even notice what I’m eating to really enjoy it. Amidst the hustle and bustle of events and people and to-dos, I barely notice what I eat – I just do it more, and faster! What if we could take one meal a day, or even a few bites each day, with purpose and presence? What about breakfast – or the first bite of each meal? To savor food, and life.

As I practice eating slowly, chewing eat bite enough to help my belly digest, and feeling gratitude for all the hands that brought my food to my plate, I feel life slow down and a great love well up inside of me. A great love that brings lots of healing into reach. Maybe you will feel something like that, too.

Ingredients

one raisin

Pick up the raisin (or other dried fruit) and bring it to your nose. Smell the fruit’s sweetness. Feel its texture in your hands. Notice the different colors present on one little piece. Place the raisin on your tongue. Notice how it feels, tastes, and smells now. Move it slowly all over your mouth, feeling the changes as it rehydrates. Keep the raisin in your mouth for at least a minute, detecting all the subtle variations in the experience of eating just one little raisin. When you are ready, begin to slowly chew the raisin, sensing new changes. After you swallow, what taste and feel are left in your mouth?

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Coming Back to Center

Each week we are exploring a restorative yoga pose or breathing technique with images/video and tips. Check in at Lacuna Loft on Wednesdays to anchor your week with peace, grounding + community (and don’t forget to join the dialogue all week long by posting comments). Excited to journey together! Namaste!

Restor(y)ing Mind+Body+Soul

It only takes an instant, and I’m in that downward spiral of defensive, protective, complaining, blaming, you name it. One ‘wrong’ word, one funny look, one disappointment in my day and whoops!, I’m a totally different person. The cheerful me that got plenty of sleep, a nourishing breakfast, a morning walk, and some doggie lovin’ is now feeling a little more like an angry blowfish with spikes ready to poke whoever is nearby, including my most beloved ones!

With practice though, I’ve learned that this blowfish doesn’t have to have the last word. In fact, she sometimes doesn’t even need to have a single word. I can see the spiral beginning and come back to center and find whatever the situation needs – compassion, patience, or clear communication. First, I learn to notice the feelings that are present and acknowledge them. The anger, frustration, disappointment, whatever – is there. No matter the reasons, it’s just okay. I’m a human. I have emotional triggers. I just see it for what it is – an emotion, a reaction, a choice. What DOES matter is how I’m going to choose to respond to these feelings. Will this angry she-blowfish get to send pokes out to the people around me? Or, will I acknowledge my feelings and then choose to come back to who I want to be, who I really am, the joy-peace-compassion-love in all of us?

Creating the space to CHOOSE how to react (instead of letting my instincts just run the show) takes practice. It takes a lot of apologizing sometimes, too. But the space, when created, is magical. It means I have the power to decide who I want to be and how my life goes – no matter what happens!

Coming back to center requires knowing I have a center and then practicing finding it – first in calm and then in times of storms. May this yoga pose, a restorative version of baddha konasana, help you feel your center physically and then find it spiritually and emotionally. May the time you practice being in your own center give you power to come back to center when the challenges come. Because they will… and we want to be unshakable.

Ingredients:

one couch seat cushion angled up against the wall (use anything stable behind it to prop it up)
two smaller pillows or blankets rolled up for each leg

Find yourself a peaceful space with a soft floor – a blanket or carpeting will do. Prop the couch cushion against the wall using a block or pillow to secure it from falling down to the floor. Cozy up to the base of the cushion with your seat right at the floor in front of it. Lean back and allow the cushion to support your back at a comfortable angle for you.

Bend your knees and allow them to fall outward from your body. Bring the soles of your feet together at your midline. Place your hands, palms face up, on your legs or knees. Bring your first finger and thumb together to touch. Close your eyes and breath deeply through your nose. With each inhale, feel your breath moving from the soles of your feet up the midline of your body, along your spine, between your eyes, above the crown of your head. On the exhale, feel your breath move in the same line in reverse. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and enjoy feeling your midline, your center. Trust that this peaceful self is available whenever you need it. And with the holidays coming and busy end-of-year calendars, you may need it soon!

Bonus: this pose is also a great position in which to practice meditation or breathing techniques!

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Gratitude, From My Breath To My Feet

I find that coming into winter and coming into the holidays is loaded with meaning, emotions, relationships, gifts to buy, food to make, travel plans… all these things that my “type A” brain wants to run with. So much activity, so much excitement in the body – whether the season is joyful or challenging. Sometimes my brain has been in the future so much (planning, anticipating…), I realize I’ve missed part of the present. It has just slipped by as I played a movie in my brain about what is next. There is so much noise that I lose track of the here and now.

And then there is part of me, in the midst of the doing, that is tuning into winter and wants to hibernate. Eat dinner at 5 pm and be in bed by 8 pm. Read more. Snuggle more. Take baths. Come inward.

So what can I do to reconcile these pieces of November and December in American culture? I need to get present and get grounded… so let us give some love to our grounding feet and be guided by the season of “thanks-giving” and use gratitude to center in to the right now.

Ingredients:

– your feet (or hands, or any body part!)

– optional: some nourishing oil like sesame (good for warming) or coconut (good for cooling/calming)

Cozy up with your feet and begin rubbing warm oil into the muscles and bones that knit together to form these beautiful and essential parts of our body (this practice in yoga is called Abhyanga, and it has a ton of benefits). Imagine all the little bones and muscles needed for our ankles, feet, and toes to move in so many ways (or look here for an image). Massage along the pressure points and chakra points of your arch as illustrated in the drawing (the colors are the chakras). You can find these points by applying pressure with your thumb along the edge of the foot and walking up 1/2 inch at a time. When it feels good, you know you’ve hit the spot. Then, as you massage oil into each toe, think of something you are grateful for about your feet. Find the deep, deep gratitude in your heart for these feet that carry us around to see the world and our loved ones, that give us balance as we climb rocks, and that give us movement to dance and play! Enjoy your feet this week as they carry you.

Feel free to give yourself a little love anywhere that suits you this week – and give thanks! Our bodies, however they are today, are a gift!

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Balancing Breath

Check out this video for instructions in Nadi Shodhana, a yoga breath exercise (pranayama). Alternating nostrils while breathing in and out through the nose brings a sense of balance and calm in the body, mind, and emotions. And, I just read (in Balance Your Hormones, Balance Your Life by Claudia Welch) that this technique can bring balance to our hormones as well! Just another reason to take 5 minutes a day to give the gift of healing to your body. Give it a try and let us know what you experience.

See you next week!

(Quick explanation if you can’t watch a video right now: Breathe in and out through your nose. Center yourself and breath deeply and evenly. Bring your right hand up and spread your fingers out. Bring the pointer and middle fingers together and bend them to your palm. Bring the pinky finger alongside the ring finger. Bring your hand up, palm facing the nose. Press your thumb to block your right nostril and then switch and bring your ring finger to block your left nostril. Play with that coordination.

Then, inhale fully and put the thumb to the right nostril, exhale out the left. Inhale through the left nostril and switch fingers to exhale on the right. Continue like this (inhale, switch, exhale… inhale, switch, exhale) for 5 minutes. Notice how your body feels after directing it towards balance.)

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