Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 3: Magic Tricks

Commentary by Amy C.:

So far this book is not something that aligns with my life beliefs. I am not a religious person so that throws me off a bit. Chapter 3 Magic Tricks kept with the first two chapters. It starts with a negative tone. She describes a magic show she went to where she did not have a great time which lead into her comparing that to sudo-medical cures like the headphones for an autistic child. Then moves to preachers mailing out wallets promising to multiply the dollars and special bracelets. Although she scoffs at these ideas she does say she tried everything when her arms wouldn’t work. The idea of trying everything and anything no matter how ridiculous really resonates with me. “Caring less about whether it made any sense, just needed it to work”.

When she said she had tried everything and talked to so many doctors. I would have thought she would have tried a Physical Therapist. Maybe because I worked in that industry, but that was my first thought when she was describing her symptoms. So it’s interesting that her doctors went to surgery before trying physical therapy. Especially something like that could be spotted on an X-ray or MRI.

It is interesting that she had this life changing experience before cancer. It makes another diagnosis somewhat harder. After making it through this and thinking you are recovered then having another setback is extremely tough.

The end of the chapter connects back to the Prosperity Gospel. At that time she became the symbol of hope for those close to her. That God will help those that keep him in their hearts. All in all a somewhat strange chapter. The beginning about magic doesn’t really connect with her finding a physical therapist and a valid medical reason for her condition.

Commentary by Krystal H.:

I’ll be honest. This chapter was hard for me because it reminded me of so many friends who I’ve known in my life who, essentially, believe in the “name it, claim it” stuff. They might call it something else, like positive confession. Others have called it “having a prophetic tongue,” so one must be careful what they speak and call upon themselves.

One of my friends, during my diagnosis, used this line on me. He told me that I was calling cancer into my body just by talking about the diagnostics and telling people that I might be dealing with cancer.

That moment is one of the moments of those painful months that stands out crystal clear in my memory. That, and when he asked me if I was getting off on the attention (seriously, dude??).

These rituals … holding vigil over a dead body (like in the chapter), refusing to allow me to even say the word ‘cancer’ for fear that I was calling it … it’s like trying to hold back the wind. There are some things that we just cannot change. There are things that are out of our control, no matter how hard we try to deny that fact. Health is not in our control. Not fully. When we die—nah. No control over that, either.

Cancer is a harsh sieve through which all our circumstances get sifted. Some of the things we want most to be substantial and solid—our health, our mortality, even our friends and family—are nothing but sand that slips away. All that’s left are the pebbles that we previously overlooked.

Learning this lesson has been HARD. I don’t get to pretend that I’m immortal anymore. I push myself to live in the present, focusing so much more on the quality of my life, rather than living in fear about the quantity.

Hopefully, when my time’s up, I won’t have regrets from a life clinging to sand. Hopefully, I’ll have taken those little pebbles left in the sieve, polished them and loved them, and I’ll leave behind a treasure of gems.

Commentary by P.O.:

In chapter 3, “Magic Tricks,” Bowler recalls attending a magic show. Seeing the magic trick from afar, she sees a magic trick gone wrong and whatever was supposed to happen, didn’t. Something had malfunctioned. Bowler then describes magic she has seen up close. Recalling situations from studying the prosperity gospel, she describes parents buying their dying child shoes in hopes that the child could walk, preachers promising money to multiply in wallets that they mailed out to believers. Bowler is showing how when one is far removed, you see that it’s just a performance, a magic trick- an illusion. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t. But when affected by tragedy or looking for answers, it’s easy to buy into “magic tricks.” Bowler is looking for answers for her condition. She tries anything to restore her arm strength. She is buying into magic tricks too- the special bracelet, magnets and detoxifying foot bath- all in attempt to cure her- “I was trying everything and caring less about whether it made any sense. I just needed it to work.” This same idea applies to the Physical Therapist (PT)who easily diagnoses her and easily restores her- despite other healthcare providers unable to help her. Whatever the PT did works. Subsequently good things start to happen in Bowler’s professional life. The people that she is studying in her prosperity gospel research note that these are all signs that the prosperity gospel philosophy works. Althoug Bowler is just researching the prosperity gospel, has she bought into it somewhat herself at this point? To what extent, as individuals or as a culture, do we believe that there are reasons and explanations for why good things happen? To what extent do we believe we deserve it or owed it? What about when bad things happen? How is that explained? We celebrate and maybe believe we deserve the good, but what about the bad? Did we deserve that? It is interesting the reasons we tell ourselves why a good or bad thing happens and how far we go and the things we do to try to change something even if it doesn’t make sense. Getting a cancer diagnosis is just something that happened. I didn’t deserve or was being punished. I also didn’t deserve my loving parents and siblings. Did I do something to make that happen? No. I had nothing to do with that. There are just some things in life that happen-the good and the bad- and we didn’t do anything to deserve it.

Commentary by Laura P.:

Magic – is it real or just a trick? In chapter three, Kate Bowler considers the magic tricks she has witnessed: a botched magic show, the sad desperate acts of parents trying to fix their children, and the convenient preachers and healers who promise riches and health. At some point we all get a little desperate for magic, and sometimes we get tricked.

Kate Bowler describes that gratifying feeling when magic seems to be on your side. For her it was getting an answer as to why her arms were failing her, healing from this debilitating injury, landing her dream job, and securing a contract to write a book. For me, it felt like magic was on my side when I found out my cancer was stage one and curable. Magic was the too-good-to-be-true moment when I finished treatment and heard the word remission. Bowler also describes the devastation of magic failing through a story of friends who gathered around to pray all day and night in an effort to resurrect a life that ended too soon. For me, magic failed when my cancer came back.

Cancer survivors have to navigate so many magic tricks. This chapter made me reflect on all the ways I have tried tapping into magic while reaching for the elusive cure from my lymphoma. I’ve tried to balance my dosha. I’ve tried to harness the power of positive thinking. I’ve swallowed herbal supplements and shots of wheat grass. Kate Bowler writes, “I was trying everything and caring less about whether it made any sense. I just needed it to work.” This is just so relatable.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 4: Seasons!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 3: Magic Tricks of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 2: Object Lesson

Commentary by Xenia R.:

This chapter begins with Kate sharing with the reader an earlier life event when her “body failed her.” She goes on to describe how her arms stopped working, became numb, and were unable to perform the simplest of tasks when she was 28 while working on her dissertation. “Life had become an obstacle course of things to be overcome to the sound of a ticking clock.”

Completing her dissertation meant that Kate had to visit various churches where spiritual healings would be taking place and she would become the main attraction. The church leaders would usher her into a room and ask her questions trying to figure out why this had happened to her. She was viewed as a puzzle that needed to be solved.

Kate was also visiting doctors to figure out the cause of this paralysis, 35 doctors in six months. The anecdote she shares is of how a pair of doctors assumed the cause of her issue was being large chested and doing a lot of yoga, even though Kate informed them she does not partake in yoga.

The chapter continues with Kate sharing that she had to move back to her parents so that they could help her complete her dissertation by typing her dictation. You can’t help but grin when she describes spending hours watching Law and Order episodes and eating Chinese take-out (we’ve all been there).

In the closing pages of the chapter Karen shares the details of another doctor’s visit, his rationale was that everything was in her head and she was referred to psychiatry. Her reaction was to call her friend, Chelsea, whom she had grown up with. “We both grew up with unlimited hope that life was fair. But that confidence to crumble in our hands as our twenties wore on.” Karen continues to write that “spiritual law offers an elegant solution to the problems of unfairness.”

The chapter ends with Karen describing her “endless cycle of hope and disappointment” being admitted to the hospital for surgery only to find out that she was pregnant. Both she and her husband were elated, however, within a few hours she was sobbing in her husband’s arms on the floor of the bathroom having miscarried the baby.

Commentary by Mariel N.:

Chapter 2, Object Lesson, gives us more background on the author’s past and how her “body has failed her before.” A statement that I have felt and said many times before, as well. The chapter, though, feels like not only has her body failed her but also the doctors were failing her and the gospel.

As she loses the ability to use her arms while writing her dissertation, she fights for medical help while doctors have difficulty finding a diagnosis. She advocates for herself by seeing doctor after doctor and demanding testing to be done. And after all of that, the last doctor diagnosed her with a psychosomatic disorder, which infuriated her. I can relate to her frustration and feeling like doctors are letting you down because before I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 28, several doctors insisted I was too young to have breast cancer and gave other preliminary diagnoses. Some doctors didn’t even think I needed further testing.

She discusses the prosperity gospel and how people use proof to show their lives are successful and moving in a positive direction. But what does it mean then when you get a serious medical condition? The prosperity gospel also has a set of God’s principles and rules that should be followed. These give a cause and effect and answer any question of the fairness of life. If something bad happens, then you must have not followed the rules. As a cancer survivor, this thought process is difficult for me to follow. This suggests that getting cancer is due to something I have done or in response to another action. For me, this thought has crossed my mind but it creates a greater sense of anxiety moving forward. I do see how this can give an explanation to experiencing a terrible event. It gives reason to a very unfair situation. However, do I now move through life questioning everything that I do because it may cause a terrible effect?

The chapter ends with the author, Kate, going through another tragedy, a miscarriage. Her body had failed her once again. We know from the first chapter that she has a son, so that gives me hope that she was able to get through this tragic time. I’m looking forward to continuing to read and to see how these life and health events affect her views on the gospel, the prosperity gospel, and how she handles “everything happens for a reason”.

Commentary by Lauren W.:

“I was sad and angry in equal measure most of the time”  I’m not sure anything quite sums up a cancer diagnosis quite like that sentence. And Kate wasn’t even talking about cancer in this case – it was about the unexplainable occasional loss of mobility in her arms, years before her cancer diagnosis. Most of the chapter is spent on the consequences of that loss of mobility – unable to shake hands, having to move home with her parents, an endless stream of doctors who can’t figure it out (and won’t take the time to).

10 years out from my own cancer diagnosis, I still get hit by the sad and angry. When I think about whether or not I’ll ever be able to have kids. When I look down at the zipper scar running down the center of my stomach. When I overreact to basic health things because I’m terrified that once again it’s going to be cancer. And that’s not fair. It’s also why I really related to Kate (and her best friend’s) loss of the “unlimited hope that life was fair.” Because I truly haven’t thought that in over a decade.

One of the most interesting parts of Chapter 2: Object Lesson for me was the intersection of Kate’s research into the prosperity gospel and her real-life interaction with it. The dissidence between what the prosperity gospel is about – healing through prayer – and not being able to find an answer to heal what was happening. The back and forth between her research and her life is engaging – I’m always waiting to see how this ties back into what’s going on with her.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 3: Magic Tricks!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 2: Object Lesson of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 1: Diagnosis

Commentary by Lauren H.:

“I thought this life was only getting started, but now I am supposed to contemplate it’s sudden conclusion.”

In the first chapter of Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved), aptly titled “Diagnosis,” perhaps no line will be more relatable to young adult cancer patients and survivors than the one above. Bowler writes in this chapter of how her life seemed to be aligning on a positive trajectory: a husband she loves, a dream career, and a young child. Until suddenly it’s not. With one phone call, after months of doctors not finding the cause of her stomach pain, her entire view of her existence is shifted. She has cancer, and it’s everywhere.

Confession: this is the first cancer memoir I’ve read since my own diagnosis a year and a half ago. I’ve avoided the genre somewhat purposefully, worried about the impact on my own emotional state. But I had watched Bowler’s TED Talk and seen a recent interview about her story, so I figured I’d be able to get through this chapter fine. Yet when I pulled out the book to read while in the infusion chair last week, I found myself tearing up several times. With her honest writing style and descriptions of her physical, mental, and emotional state, I found myself empathizing with her situation—while also flashing back to my own diagnosis story.

When Bowler is in the hospital room with two of her friends, preparing for surgery, she says aloud, “I just don’t know what to do.” Her friend Beth responds, “Die.” This brutal honesty was striking, and as a reader, took me aback. It is, of course, the thing on all of our minds when we are told we have cancer, especially Stage IV cancer. But often, it is something we dance around, that we try instead to focus on the positive…I am going to beat this disease, I am going to beat the odds. And to have someone else state this outcome so simply, so directly, can be so powerful. It’s not what we want to hear, but it’s perhaps what needs to be said aloud.

Commentary by Jessica K.:

I love that this book is steeped in spirituality. Even though I do not practice Christianity, I am highly spiritual. My spirituality helped get me through last year, when I was undergoing treatment for Stage 2 Breast Cancer at age 29.

At first, I was a bit annoyed that the author assumed that all cancer patients have a “why is this happening to me” moment. (In her words, “Why? God are you here? What does this suffering mean?”). For me, I knew almost instantly why I got cancer and what it meant. I got it because I could handle it. Of all the people I knew and of my immediate family, I was in the best shape (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to bear this burden. I was best equipped for this enormous challenge.

I also needed to learn some important life lessons. Until my experience with breast cancer, I didn’t really know how to accept help from others. And, most importantly, I didn’t trust myself fully. I’ve been called intense more than once, so it’s no surprise that I needed to get cancer to learn these life lessons (which others apparently learn under regular circumstances). Going through treatment while continuing to work full time led me to realize that I can handle pretty much anything, and I really can trust myself no matter what life throws at me. I learned these things from my cancer, and for that I am grateful.

Getting back to being annoyed with the author. I thought about this some more. While it was true that I didn’t have those “why me” thoughts when I was diagnosed, or even during treatment, I definitely had them after. When everything was done and my body was wrecked from being pumped with poison and burned every day with radioactivity, I was tired and I was pissed. I was mad that the people who looked at me didn’t know that I was a cancer patient anymore. I was mad because I wasn’t getting the special kindness from strangers that I got when I was fully bald (even if it was just pity – who doesn’t like it when people hold doors for you, or just smile?).

I was really mad that I had gained 20 pounds and now had to rebuild my body. I had struggled with my body for years and finally been in a great place when I was diagnosed. This one really messed me up. “It’s not fair!” “It’s not my fault that I could only eat soup and bread for 6 months!” “This @#$%^ sucks.” All of these things were true, and I needed some time to wallow in my self-pity.

It took me a while to figure out ways to be grateful, rather than angry or sad, but eventually, I got there. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to rebuild, where so many others do not.
One last thing, because I was supposed to write about Chapter One, which is called Diagnosis. Other than the fact that our diagnoses were really different (she had a lot of symptoms leading up to hers, which must have been terrifying, whereas I thought the worst thing I’d have coming out of my routine OB/GYN appointment was an STD, if anything), we handled the news the same way.

I didn’t know that other people handled their diagnoses the same way that I did, and that made me feel more normal. I thought pretty much everyone went home and cried about it, or took time off to digest the news. And, while I’m sure there are innumerable patients who did just that, I loved reading about the author’s persistence and ability to attack her Cancer ‘to-do list’ just like any other ‘to-do list.’

Commentary by Miranda M.:

We begin the book by learning how Kate quickly incorporates a coping technique for the crippling pain she feels numerous times a day. It is a testament to how we often power through big challenges. Even when she is told of her diagnosis over the phone, she thinks of others. The words that she is compelled to repeat are “But, I have a son.” Yet, through the daunting days of her initial diagnosis, others are there for Kate too. Her friend Beth has the courage to answer the spiraling questions of what the future contains, with one simple loaded word: Die. Seemingly harsh, it was what helped snap the present moment into focus.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 2: Object Lesson!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 1: Diagnosis of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

The young adult cancer book club has been moving slowly behind the scenes, getting ready for Round 8 to start.

Chosen by you, the next Book Club read is Kate Bowler’s book, Everything Happens For A Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved.  I’m really excited to read this book altogether.  The books are now in the Lacuna Loft offices and are ready to be sent to those of you who signed up to receive one of the 24 free books in exchange for sharing your commentary on one of the book’s chapters.  I’m so happy to announce that the books will go out this week!  We actually went crazy this time and 32 of you are receiving a free book!

To give everyone a change to dig into the book, we’ll be sending out the books this week, they’ll arrive sometime in the next week (media mail takes a while sometimes…), and we’ll give you the month of July to start reading.   During July, we’ll send out chapter assignments to the 32 young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers who received a free book.  Then, we’ll start sharing commentary in August!  I know that seems like forever away but August will arrive before you know it and this way, everyone has a chance to start reading.

Once this round of the young adult cancer book club officially starts, there are several ways for you to be involved in the book club:

1. Read the book along with us and check out the Young Adult Voices blog each Monday, starting August 5th for the next book chapter’s installment!
2. If you get behind, check out this page for all of the posts for Round 8 of the book club.
3. If you’d like to contribute your comments about a chapter, email info@lacunaloft.org at least a few days ahead of the Monday when that chapter will be discussed, with your comments and a short bio of yourself.

Chosen by you, the next Book Club Read is Kate Bowler’s book, Everything Happens For A Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved.  I’m really excited to read this book altogether.

I am super excited for the book club to be starting its 8th round. Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, Round 4, Round 5, Round 6, and Round 7 were a huge success and I expect nothing less from Round 8!  So!  How does it work?  Lacuna Loft offers a free book to 24 young adult cancer patients/survivors (everyone who has been diagnosed with cancer is considered a survivor at Lacuna Loft) in exchange for sharing their commentary on one of the book’s chapters.  Each week, we will share those comments on the book, as well as personal thoughts and stories.  After we’ve completed the book, we’ll have a video chat where people can talk with one another about the book and life in general.

Normally, this is also the post where we have a sign-up ready to go for the book orders but we’re not quite ready yet.  In the meantime, go here to be notified when we are accepting sign-ups for the 24 free books (in exchange for your commentary on a chapter!) and we’ll send you an email the second the books are available to order from us!

Once this round of the young adult cancer book club officially starts, there are several ways for you to be involved in the book club:

1. Read the book along with us and check out the Young Adult Voices blog each Monday for the next book chapter’s installment!
2. If you get behind, check out this page for all of the posts for Round 8 of the book club.
3. If you’d like to contribute your comments about a chapter, email info@lacunaloft.org at least a few days ahead of the Monday when that chapter will be discussed, with your comments and a short bio of yourself.