Finding Balance Week 3: Chapters 12-17

woman laying on bed while covering her face

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading Finding Balance by Kati Gardner!  Read our participants’ reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book! Caution, spoilers below!

Catch up from Week 1 and Week 2.

By Kat H.:

In Chapters 12 – 17, Mari is torn, constantly wrestling with the disconnect between Camp Jase and School Jase. Mari is already frustrated with the fact that she does not have the option to appear “normal,” but then to have one of her best camp friends and positive aspects of camp treat her so coldly and negatively when at school, is confusing and disconcerting for her. In these chapters, she flips through emotions nearly constantly: sadness, anger, indifference, and then the cycle repeats. I feel very fortunate that in my own cancer experience, my friends and family were amazing. I was very communicative about what I wanted and needed from my circles, those close to me and farther out. But I think what I relate most to in these chapters is the internal cycles and frustrations that Mari has. I had many full-blown conversations in my head about why did this happen (physically), why did this have to happen (emotionally), how had I never even heard of tongue cancer, being terrified of all of the treatment options, etc. I had never even had an IV before my diagnosis! So I appreciate the internal challenges that are so prevalent with Mari in these chapters and definitely see that cycle within my own story.

By Jeannette S.:

First, this is a super compelling story of what I am interpreting ups and downs of the cancer diagnosis. Even though I was not diagnosed at a very young age, there is much that I can relate to.

In my interpretation of Jase in these few chapters, he is much very much wanting to be a “normal” kid and has been because his secret of his cancer diagnosis has been kept. Zeke knows that he has been to camp, however, has been generous to keep his confidentiality. Zeke appears to be super mature and most students might do the lesser. To me, the Jase character has been much of my family reactions…wanting to keep everything back to “normal” and not wanting to admit to the cancer diagnosis. The support has been lacking at times, much like Jase in his school life.

Mari has been a super strong character, although we see her express her frustration and sadness at the lack of support from those on the outside of her family group. She appears to always be able to come home to family and express her “secrets”/ school issues with Jase, especially to her brother. Mari, like many of us, has been “forced” (not sure if this is the right word) to grow up or become more mature looking at money problems and problems with the overall society and looking at illness/disease — being it cancer or mental illness, etc… Watching Mari going through her many ebbs and flows reminds me of what I have gone through with survivorship. One of my favorite parts was when she was visiting Davis in the cafe and comparing a cancer diagnosis with alcoholism because you never know when it will come back. For me, it is so true. Having been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it can be very likely for its return. However, the trust in the doctors, just like the trust Mari has with Davis to maintain his sobriety, seems to be my connection.

We are beginning to see the two different worlds/lives Mari and Jase are from. Jase also keeps waking up at night having difficulty breathing and cannot seem to get back to his rhythm of swimming. Some of this may be because of his choice in relationship discord with Mari or could it be his cancer coming back? Since I have not read further, I would think it be quite ironic if his cancer recurs again since he has been treating Mari so poorly. In many ways, Jase does not know how to deal with someone so openly dealing with their survivorship. This represents many of those around me who do not like to talk about it or those just wanting me to be “ok.” Much like Mari, I am open to questions and the education of others. In my mind, if I can help someone to catch ovarian cancer early, I know that provides them with life for a little longer.

By Rachel M.:

Chapters 12-17

I can relate to Jase. As annoying as he’s getting and how terrible he’s being to Mari, I can see some of myself in him. His need to hide his diagnosis because he’s afraid of what people will say hits close to home for me.

I was diagnosed at the end of my freshman year of college and am currently in complete remission and in my senior year. When I was done with treatment and ready to return to school, I had no clue how to go back and live like a college student anymore; I felt like all people would see in me was my past of cancer. I was afraid that would become my identity. My hair was just starting to grow back when I returned to campus in the spring of my sophomore year, and the hair I had just after treatment was thin and slow-growing. I felt that just by looking at me, people could tell that I had cancer.

To me it was obvious. I had spent months getting chemo and radiation; that had been my reality for half of a year. After experiencing that season of my hair coming back in, I can relate to Mari in a small way from a short season of my life to how she feels: wishing she could keep her past diagnosis a secret like Jase can.

Just as Jase asked Mari to pretend not to know him, I was afraid that friends of mine would ask me to pretend the same because they didn’t want to deal with the heaviness of a friend with a cancer diagnosis. And for some, that heaviness was too much, and our friendships dissipated.

I can’t imagine being in Mari’s shoes, though. To have a cancer friend, who understands the crap I’ve been through, just decide to cut ties to try to be “normal” would break me. I wouldn’t accept help in chemistry from that person either.

Being cut off by a friend who knows the hardest, most painful parts of my past who suddenly decides they don’t want to be my friend or acknowledge our shared pain would leave me spinning. It would make me want to put cancer behind me too and completely forget about it.

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. At least for me.

Like Mari, I still feel like I owe my story to people sometimes. Just like Mari says, “I hate that people feel like they deserve to know.”

However, my diagnosis has formed such a big part of who I have become, that sometimes I’m the one who thinks people deserve to know, not the other way around.

When I got back to school after treatment, I didn’t stop to consider whether I actually wanted to share my story. I just felt like I owed it to people. I believed that word of my cancer would get around anyway, so I might as well start sharing, whether I was comfortable with it or not.

I would explain my medical history to people, and a wave of anxiety would hit. That should’ve been a sure sign that I was not ready to share.

Everyone shares at their own pace, and as I continue reading, I hope Jase learns to share his story again and can put his fear of others’ responses behind him.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on chapters 18-23!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Finding Balance, Week 2: Chapters 6-11

man covering face

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading Finding Balance by Kati Gardner!  Read our participants’ reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book! Caution, spoilers below!

Catch up from Week 1 here!

Week 2: Chapters 6-11

By KM H.:

Chapter Six.
Mari is having trouble keeping up with her classmates in AP chemistry—they move faster than her old school, and they’re a bit ahead of where she was. On top of that, Lindsay and another classmate are being ableist, classist jerks. Mari’s chem teacher asks her if she can stay after school for supplemental instruction that will help her catch up, but Mari can’t because her transportation is tied to the bus schedule.

This chapter has such a nicely done illustration of how structural issues can stand in the way of success. Mari is struggling in her chem class. The help is there, but she can’t get it because she needs transportation home, and the only transportation home that she can get is via the MARTA bus system. It has nothing to do with her ability to understand or her culture or her cancer history, but rather the way in which the world will not or cannot accommodate her needs. It’s not fair, and it’s a great demonstration of how we as a society could do better. It’s easy to look at students or people who aren’t successful or who are struggling and heap the blame solely on their shoulders. But there are often other factors at work, often issues beyond their control, that keep them from thriving—and they’re usually things that they can’t help.

Chapter Seven.
Jase takes Lindsay home from school and drops her off at her house. She’s trying to touch him and be “girlfriend-y” in ways that he doesn’t want, and she’s being an ableist jerk again when it comes to Mari. After dropping Lindsay off, Jase gets a call from his mother, detailing that she’s going to hold a charity event for Camp Chemo. Jase freaks out because he believes his secret will be revealed.

As much as I would like to harp on Jase for being an asshole to Mari, I find his character to be highly understandable. He’s been bullied at his old school. He’s got some serious social anxiety because of it. And he’s seeing firsthand that his fears are justified because of the way that Lindsay and others are treating Mari. I also “get” him because, in my own life, I’ve tried to stop talking so much about being a cancer survivor. Not because of any bullying or anything, but because it’s nice to pretend to be normal sometimes … even though I’m definitely not.

Chapter Eight.
Mari is in class, and Lucas asks her a few questions about driving and such with a prosthetic leg, which Mari tells him would be a pain because it would get in the way. Mari is starting to make progress with friends in this chapter—or, at least, we finally get to see her new friends at school.

I like this chapter because it really nicely shows when and how it’s okay to ask questions regarding a person’s disability. It reminded me of when my brothers would ask if I could do something or not on chemo. They weren’t being assholes or trying to put me down or asking something invasive—it was just something that came up in the course of a normal conversation. The topic came. I answered. We moved on. Like, you know, a normal thing. Like I’m a person, not a curiosity.

Chapter Nine.
The ableist assholery of Lindsay really comes out even more than usual in this chapter. She is with Jase and several other friends, and she just lays into Mari and her leg, asking questions about Mari’s body that are 100% not okay. Jase just sits there, not correcting them or telling them to stop. I understand that he’s afraid of being found out, but … my dude … you don’t have to out yourself as a cancer survivor in order to tell people to not be ableist jerkwads.

Anyway. Mari overhears and immediately runs away. Jase follows—he’s actually starting to come to his senses—and attempts to comfort Mari. She, understandably, pushes him away.

I’m really starting to hope that Jase will try to make things right with Mari. I don’t expect this to happen quickly because, well, we’ve got most of the novel still to go. 🙂

Chapter Ten.
Jase drives his car to Mari’s house, trying to find her. He doesn’t know what his intentions are, but I suspect it has something to do with, I dunno, maybe apologizing and trying to make things right? Hopefully? In any case, he doesn’t find her because she’s at a coffee shop (oh, the days of randomly visiting coffee shops!).

Chapter Eleven.
Mari is visiting Davis at the coffee shop. Davis was the male lead from Gardner’s first book, Brave Enough, which you should definitely go read (it’s excellent). Mari is catching up with Davis, who is newly sober (this book seems to take place before Brave Enough, if I’m understanding the conversations and timeline hints correctly). She’s also hoping to catch some help with her chemistry issues, but Davis isn’t really equipped to help there. He asks her about her school, and she avoids telling him because she feels like he’s got enough on his plate, and she doesn’t seem to want to bring the mood down.

In this way—hiding what’s really going on—Mari is a lot like Jase. She’s covering, trying to pretend everything is normal and good when really she’s hurt and angry at how Jase has treated her. She feels betrayed by a friend and has no one she feels she can really talk to about it. I feel for her, but I also want her to talk to her friends or parents or someone about what’s going on with Jase. But, hey, if she started making good decisions this early, this would be a novella and not a novel. 😀 Still, I’m rooting for her. And I hope she gets the help (both in chem and in life) that she needs.

By Betsy B.:

Chapter 6
Mari has just started at AWP and is in class with some truly awful girls who don’t take the time to understand her amputation. They mock having to use a wheelchair right in front of her. As an adult, I wonder how these girls could be so tone-deaf, but then I remember my high school experience, when I was diagnosed my senior year. It was only a couple of weeks after my diagnosis when the school newspaper published a story about tanning (so 2005). They interviewed the popular girls who clearly went tanning a lot, and they had completely ignorant responses. “My mom tans and she doesn’t have cancer so I don’t think I will either.” “I’d rather have cancer than be pale.” I know, right? On top of her clueless classmates, Mari also has to deal with her chemistry teacher pitying her and basically telling her to drop the class. It’s hard to believe this school is supposed to be better than her last one.

Chapter 7
“Jase was beginning to wonder if this was even a secret he could keep anymore. But at the thought of what that meant, Jase couldn’t breathe.”
This chapter is mostly about Jase panicking about hiding his past from his insufferable not-girlfriend and everyone else he knows. It’s hard for me to feel bad for him at this point because of how he treated Mari. But I do understand not wanting to be the cancer kid. For several years after my treatment ended, I didn’t want to tell many people about my cancer. I didn’t want to be treated differently. Considering how ignorant the people at Jase’s school are, it does make sense he would be afraid to tell them. Near the end of the chapter, Jase’s mom tells him about a charity gala she’s planning. And good news! The charity will be Camp Chemo! And his camp friends can come! Once again, he begins to panic and worries about people finding out about his secret life.

Chapter 8
“Thankfully, she was no longer much of a novelty, but she could still see the questions in her new classmates’ faces—wondering what they could ask her and what was off-limits.”
This is a short chapter that introduces us to some of Mari’s new school friends, Addison and Zeke, and her teacher Giselle, who is also dating one of her big brothers. She also talks with Lucas, one of Jase’s friends, who seems genuinely interested in learning more about her and he is respectful when he talks to her. I gotta say I’m Team Lucas right now. At the end of the chapter, she is dreading sitting alone at lunch and misses her old school and friends. This chapter is mostly about Mari’s loneliness. She is grateful to have met some nice people but “they weren’t at the random text stage or anything.” She misses having friends she really connects with. She feels like an outsider still, especially when she has no one to sit with at lunch.

Chapter 9
This chapter is cringe-worthy.
1. AWP has a student lounge for lunch where they can order food from local restaurants. That is not real, is it?
2. Jase’s not-girlfriend and her friend are terrible humans.
3. Jase makes the world’s tiniest gesture of apology.
During the lunch that Mari is eating alone, she overhears Jase and his friends discussing her. Or rather, gossiping. Lindsay and Madalyn think it is hilarious to speculate about her grades, where she lives, her amputation. Jase feels uncomfortable and attempts to steer the conversation in another direction, but fails. After they see Mari running away crying, Jase goes after her to say he’s sorry, “don’t let them get to you.” Boy, please. Even though she is very upset, Mari rightfully sends him away. I feel so bad for her–not only does she have to deal with being the new girl at school, with an amputation, she also has to deal with her so-called friend ignoring her most of the time and waving off hurtful comments other people make.

Chapter 10
“He wasn’t normally a jerk, but it was as if since Mari’s arrival at AWP he couldn’t be anything but.”
Jase is feeling bad. Good, he should. He looks up Mari’s address and drives to her house, presumably to attempt to apologize again. But she’s not home and he feels stupid for driving all the way to her house. Even though I’m angry with Jase still, I can tell he feels guilty and confused. Guilty for the way he treated Mari (obviously), but I also think he feels guilty that he can hide his cancer and she can’t. He has the luxury of being “normal.” Something that she will never have. He doesn’t know how to make up for his guilt, but he drives to her house anyway because he knows he needs to do something.

Chapter 11
“The way those girls laughed. It all hurt, but the embarrassment was worse.”
Mari has had an awful day and goes to hang out at the coffee shop where Davis works. Davis is a good friend from Camp Chemo, and she hopes he can distract her from Jase and the mean things the girls said at lunch. When he asks about Jase, Mari doesn’t say anything and goes back to her chemistry homework. As she’s working on her laptop, she sees an ad for a prosthetics company and she feels ashamed for looking at it. I think she has spent a long time telling herself that she doesn’t need a prosthetic leg and that she can do anything a “normal” person can do. I understand her desire to be normal, especially after she’s had such a bad day at school when it feels like she is her amputation. No one at school sees her as a whole person. She begins to feel overwhelmed and defeated, thinking of her appointment at the prosthetics office, about school and chemistry, about Jase. “She did not care.”

By Jessica B.:

Chapters 6-11
In these chapters, Mari is having trouble adjusting to her new school. Her AP Chemistry class is especially challenging, but she has managed to make a couple of new friends. We don’t know much about Zeke and Addison yet, but they seem to be much kinder to Mari than her other classmates. The people in Jase’s social circle are sometimes very cruel to Mari while acting like they don’t realize they’re being rude. It’s almost like insulting someone, but then following it up with “no offense”. It seems very clear that they are not nice to people they see as “other”, which is starting to make it clear why Jase doesn’t want them to know about his cancer. The fact that Mari takes the MARTA to get home seems to be a sticking point with them, which I think it just ridiculous. I don’t know why someone’s method of transportation is considered a measure of someone’s value. I think this just shows how shallow some of the students are.

On Jase’s side, he is struggling with his decision to put distance between himself and Mari. His friend Lucas is starting to show interest in dating Mari, and Jase is not a fan. He also has to deal with his “girlfriend” and other friends not being nice to Mari. There is the line between ignorance and cruelty and Lindsay and Madalyn cross that line, and then act shocked when Mari hears them and gets offended. Jase does take the time to check on her, which seems like he might finally start letting some cracks show in the wall he put up, but Mari turns him away, which shows that even if he might be letting that wall down, she’s not ready to.
At the end of the section, Jase, who Mari is now referring to as Jason (ouch), is seeking out Mari to talk to her. Hopefully, this is a sign that he is ready to start mending the multi-year friendship that he severely damaged, but only time will tell. He clearly has a lot of work to do if he wants to fix everything he almost destroyed.

By Ffion K.:

Chapters 6-11

I was happy to receive and read this book as it is always somewhat cathartic to read books and hear experiences of other people who have or have had cancer! However, I was immediately shocked at how cruel high school-age students are. I was older when I received my diagnosis, and I suppose everyone I knew was just older and more mature, as I just did not experience any of the poor treatment that Mari and Jase, unfortunately, seem to endure. The book also shows the clear divide between two different types of cancer experiences: one where you are so far out from treatment and have no lasting visible effects, compared to one where you have lost a body part and it is forever out in the open.

Jase is not very nice to Mari throughout these chapters. He acts like the typical “cool and popular” guy and is so flippant towards her. You start to be able to tell a few chapters in, though, that although he doesn’t want it to affect his “image” at school, he does care about how he’s treating Mari and is starting to feel bad. Lindsay, a girl Jase is hanging out with, is even crueler and shows, unfortunately, just how nasty some girls can be. Some of her comments really break your heart for Mari.

In Chapter 6, Mari is having a lot of trouble in AP Chemistry. Lindsay and her friend “Y” are being very insensitive, again, but at least Mari has a sarcastic come back to them that she “gets good parking.” Lindsay jokes that she forgets Mari is disabled, but Mari knows that neither Lindsay nor her friend actually forgets. As if the social troubles Mari is having aren’t enough, the teacher pulls her aside to discuss how she’s adjusting to the new school and that her grades are lagging. She wants Mari to come to a tutorial after school, but this potentially conflicts with Mari having to catch the MARTA bus home each day. This just highlights the types of things that Mari and other disabled students have to worry about and juggle that other students don’t. This new school was supposed to be better, but at this point, Mari’s really feeling that all this new school is doing is pointing out her inadequacies.

In Chapter 7, Jase continues to hang out with, but be annoyed by, Lindsay. Jase’s mom tells him she is going to hold a benefit event for Camp Chemo, and Jase worries that this will “out him” as having had cancer.

In Chapter 8, Mari has been at her new school, AWP, for a month. Mari and Lucas chat. Lucas has been friendly to Mari and she is starting to feel the starting of a little crush. Mari gets more information about some of the students, learning Zeke’s dad is a team physician for the Atlanta United. It seems to her like everyone is so much more well off than her. Mari misses her larger group of friends from South Side because she has to have lunch in the student lounge alone that day.

In Chapter 9, Jase, Lindsay, and Madalyn (“Y”) are in the student lounge continuing to talk about Mari behind her back. Y saw Mari’s quiz and knows she’s flunking. Jase, although he continues to hang out with her, is starting to worry that Lindsay might think they’re exclusive, which he doesn’t want. The girls then start to ponder, out loud, if Mari is missing any other body parts, “like, her vagina?” says Lindsay. Mari is at that moment just approaching, hears this, drops her things and bolts out of the lounge. This is particularly heartbreaking to the reader. It’s bad enough reading the awful things these teenagers are saying and thinking, but then to think of how Mari would feel walking in and hearing this is even worse. Jase goes after Mari, even though Lindsay yells for him to stop. Jase finds Mari crying at her locker, but she says to leave her alone, and he does, walking away. As the book states, the wall he’d put between them definitely gets another layer added to it.

In Chapter 10, Jase has been basically ignoring Lindsay since the incident in the student lounge. He feels bad about how hurt Mari looked. He notes that he isn’t normally a jerk, but hasn’t been able to help it since Mari came to AWP. Honestly, as the reader, it’s hard to not think that Jase just is a huge jerk, period. He certainly is very immature, whereas Mari seems quite mature. Jase spontaneously ends up driving to Mari’s house, although he’s not sure why. She isn’t there, however. Her brother Leo answers,
and Jase says to not bother letting Mari know he stopped by.

In Chapter 11, it starts with Leo obviously telling Mari that Jase stopped by, over a text message. Mari is at a coffee shop visiting her friend Davis, also a cancer survivor, that has struggled with addiction. However, she’s also reliving, in her head, the hurt and embarrassment from what Lindsay and Madalyn had said. Davis works at the coffee shop and has to do community service at the hospital he was treated at, as a result of an arrest to do with his addiction. He asks how things are going at AWP and says he assumes
Jase is helping Mari find friends, for which she doesn’t correct him. Mari watches as an ad pops up on her computer for prosthetics. She ponders how everyone thinks she should want a prosthesis but she doesn’t. Then she thinks that she’s never going to be Jase’s girlfriend, probably going to fail AP Chemistry, and get kicked out of AWP. She exclaims that she is done and defeated and does not care anymore. It’s a sad end to this chapter and really leaves the reader hoping things get better for Mari!

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on chapters 12-17!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Finding Balance, Week 1: Prologue- Chapter 5

man walking down hallway

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading Finding Balance by Kati Gardner!  Read our participants’ reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book! Caution, spoilers below!

Catch up from last week here!

Week 1: Prologue – Chapter 5

By Melissa B:

Prologue
After reading this you can definitely feel the chemistry between Jase and Mari. There is something special about their relationship. Jase is so caring and concerned for Mari’s well-being when she is injured at camp. Mari is definitely falling for him.

Chapter 1
Mari gets injured at school after getting knocked down in the hallway after an altercation with other students. Poor girl is in the wrong place at the wrong time. She hits her head, it seems like she has a concussion but she blows it off. Then, falls again later in the day, in the cafeteria. I do understand where the school is coming from for her safety.  I also can see Mari’s side. She has been through so much already, using a wheelchair is taking away some of her independence, strive to fit in, and be somewhat like the other students. It seems like she has tried a prosthetic in the past but it did not work.

Chapter 2
Mari enrolls in the same school as Jase. They have one class together and he totally blows her off. So rude, I’m not really liking Jase right now. He is such a jerk. Poor Mari, high school is hard enough, and going to a new school with a disability makes it that much harder. I’m sure when she saw Jase, she felt this comfort. When he did not even acknowledge her, her heart must have broken. Jase is so worried about himself and he doesn’t want Mari to blow his cover about his previous cancer diagnosis. I get it. I feel like people treat you differently when they know you have been diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness.

Chapter 3
Jase sees Mari at the bus stop and tried to apologize but she is not having it. I’m glad she ignored him, put him right back in his place. Mari’s family is waiting to see how her first day went, of course, she avoids the whole Jase story.

Chapter 4
Jase and Mari are texting back and forth and he does not want her to tell anyone how they know each other or anything about his cancer diagnosis. Mari is a good friend and agrees not to say anything to anyone at school. She sits down with mom and discusses possibly looking into a prosthetic leg again because this time maybe they have something that will work for her. I feel like if Mari is ready for it, she should give it a chance. I also feel that she has to face her cancer diagnosis every day, whereas Jase, his diagnosis was so long ago.  He doesn’t really remember it and he can go about leading a “normal” life because he doesn’t have that daily constant reminder (missing a limb, using crutches).

Chapter 5
I think Jase feels really bad for the way he treated Mari. Other students are noticing her hanging out with her and one of Jase’s friends is even interested in her. I feel like Jase is starting to get jealous of her. He attempts to speak to her after class and she just ignores him. I don’t blame her.

 

By Ashley L:

This book details two distinct ways of handling telling others about a cancer diagnosis. Mari’s cancer situation is abundantly more visible than Jase’s. Mari’s leg amputation is an automatic symbol that something was wrong. Meanwhile, Jase can conceal his diagnosis because he does not have any outwardly apparent physical symptoms or side effects.I feel terrible for Mari because of the discriminatory language spoken both to her and about her, throughout the chapters. In chapter one, the assistant principal gives Mari an ultimatum to either buy a prosthetic leg or use a wheelchair in order to stay in that school. She said, “But Mari, you could look like everyone else…” She’s trying to convey that it’s for Mari’s safety when it is clearly a move to prevent the school from being sued. Also, by saying that statement, she’s implying that Mari is somehow less-than. In chapter two, we encounter many ignorant comments from Lindsay. “’God, why doesn’t she wear a robot leg?’ Disgust dripped from Lindsay’s voice. ‘It’s just gross to be out there like that.’” She also says “God, her life must be awful.” It’s so sad to see Mari doubt herself when she considers getting a prosthetic leg in chapter 5. Also, it’s depressing to know that society’s view of beauty and normalcy is exclusive. It’s like saying, if you don’t fit into these specifications, you are not a person.I also feel bad for Jase. He sees the way people stare at Mari and he hears the awful comments about cancer from the ones around him. In chapter two, Lindsay says “But aren’t you afraid of catching it…I’d be nervous the whole time,” after he did his presentation on volunteering at a hospital. Then in chapter four, when Jase was speaking with Lucas, “ ‘Did you hear she had cancer.’ Lucas said ‘cancer’ like it was the plague.’ ” I can understand Jase’s hesitancy in telling others about his cancer diagnosis, he doesn’t want to be seen differently by his peers. Plus, he doesn’t even remember having it because he was so young. However, it does not excuse his cruel behavior towards Mari when she initially came up to him on her first day in that school. He should have handled it differently.

 

By Rachel C:

The book starts out talking about Mari Manos and Jase Ellison at Camp Chemo, a camp for individuals who have had cancer. Mari, an amputee because of her cancer, and Jase, who has leukemia when he was 3 and doesn’t remember it, spend the summer at camp in a “flirtationship”.

After summer is over, they both head back to their separate lives. I gather that Mari returns to a middle-class family and public school and Jase to a more wealthy family and an expensive private school.

Back at school, Mari, having only one leg and walking with crutches, falls twice in one day. The first time due to a fight that broke out in the hallway which banged into her and the second because she slipped on a grape in the lunchroom. The school calls in her parents and feels it’s not “safe” for Mari to be in the school and recommends either a wheelchair or a prosthesis, neither of which she wants nor has the school even considered the cost of a wheelchair or prosthesis and how it will impact the family’s finances.

Mari didn’t like her ultimatum of getting a wheelchair or prosthesis, so she leaves the school. She receives a scholarship to go to the same private school that Jase goes to. People in the school pity her, saying how awful it must be that she had cancer. On her first day there, she walks up to him to say hi, and he pretends like he doesn’t know her. She is heartbroken. Jase texts her and begs her not to tell anyone that he had cancer and that no one in the school knows.

This book covers a lot of emotions and familiar feelings. This part of the story speaks to the “privilege” (I don’t know if that’s the right word??) that some cancer survivors have. Some of us don’t have visible scars, baldness, or missing a limb or we are further out from our diagnosis/treatment, so if we don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. But others, their scars with cancer are much more visible and they can’t avoid talking about it because people will always ask. Cancer survivorship looks different in everyone. Cancer, regardless of what kind and at what age, complicates your life!

 

By Alyssa G:

Prologue
In the prologue, we meet Mari. Mari is an amputee and it begins at Camp Chemo. There we also meet Jase who is her crush. They are in the pool area and it’s slick because the surface is tile. Mari falls and scrapes her knee and she jokingly says that she is falling for Jase. I thought this was funny because I will often say oh no I hope I don’t fall if I ever fall physically or have a crush on someone. They then almost kiss until they are interrupted by the leader of the camp Margaret.

Chapter 1
Mari is now at school. We see her at her locker exchanging books carefully, when a fight rolls down the hall and the boys fighting knock her over. Like everything else though, she gets up and keeps moving. She talks about how annoying it can be to be everyone’s “inspiration,” and I have been feeling that lately. One of my college professors and even one of the felllows at the doctor’s office made comments about how strong I am to come to school feeling how I do and inspirational my hard work is. I don’t really have a choice though, so I just power through trying to live my life. Then it transitions to lunch and Mari slips and falls again caused by a grape. She is then called into the principal’s office and they tell her she needs to start using a prosthetic leg or wheelchair for the safety of other. Her mom and dad are not having it with that and tell the principal they are taking Mari out of that school.

Chapter 2
Chapter 2 is written from Jase’s point of view. We see him giving a speech about volunteer work he did over the summer. He volunteered at the children’s hospital with Melissa, the child life specialist, to make bags to keep the kids busy during chemo. We find out though that no one knows Jase is a cancer survivor. He wants to keep it that way, but it could be ruined because Mari now goes to school there too. Jase tries to ignore her and his feelings for her, but they all bubble up and he can’t take it. He doesn’t want the past to come back but he doesn’t want to lose a relationship with Mari. It’s hard going to school especially somewhere new and trying to keep the fact that you had cancer a secret. Going to college now I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s hard because you don’t want to be treated differently or get questioned about it.

Chapter 3
Chapter 3 is back from Mari’s viewpoint. Jase tries to talk to her at the bus stop, but Mari ignores him. She doesn’t want to deal with him after he ignored her in chemistry class. She then gets home and realizes everyone is at home and waiting to hear about how her first day went at the new school. But, before she gets in the house there is a brochure for a prosthetic company for her in the mail. This infuriates Mari and reminds her that she couldn’t go to her old school anymore because they were requiring her to do something she refused. In the end, we also see that Jase has finally texted her and said that they need to talk. It just infuriates me with the school requiring Mari to change her 504.

Chapter 4
Mari reads the message from Jase and can’t believe that no one knows he had cancer. Mari doesn’t really want to hear from Jase now if she has to hide her feelings for him and their friendship so he can keep living without people knowing the truth about him. Then Mari has a conversation with her mom about possibly getting a prosthetic, it’s it is different from the last one she had. Maybe she wants a prosthetic now to try to fit in? I don’t blame her it’s hard to fit in when you are all puffy from steroids and have short hair, let alone only one leg.

Chapter 5
Jase is in Chem and can’t get Mari out of his mind. Mari is still ignoring him, thus keeping his secret. However, a guy named Lucas now is thinking about asking Mari out. The whole cancer aspect does freak Lucas out a bit though as it does for most normal people. I think Jase and Mari need to stop being petty and talk to each other privately since they both have feelings for each other. If not, then there will never be a resolve.

 

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on chapters 6-11!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Welcome to Book Club: Round 11!

girl reading books on floor

Yay! It’s finally time to start reading Finding Balance by Kati Gardner for Round 11 of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! Books have been sent and reading assignments given out. Missed your chance to get one of our free 40 books? Snag a copy on Amazon and read along with us!

Here’s this round’s reading schedule!

Prologue, Ch 1-5 (pg 7-45) – March 1st

Ch 6-11 (pg 46-72) – March 8th

Ch 12-17 (pg 73-110) – March 15th

Ch 18-23 (pg 111-147) – March 22nd

Ch 24-29 (pg 148-178) – March 19th

Ch 30-35 (pg 179-214) – April 5th

Ch 36-41 (pg 215-252) – April 12th

Ch 42-47 (pg 253- 291) – April 19th

Ch 48-53 (pg 292-319) – April 26th

Ch 54-57, Epilogue (pg 320-337) – May 3rd

You can read participants’ reactions to that week’s reading assignment on the date listed above here on our blog. Then in mid-May, hop on Zoom with us as we chat with the author herself, Kati Gardner, in an online book club discussion!

Questions? Reach out to aerial@lacunaloft.org!

It’s Time To Start Round 11 Of The Young Adult Cancer Book Club!

Finding Balance book

It’s time for another round of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!

This next book club pick is Kati Gardner’s sequel, Finding Balance, to her first book, Brave Enough.  Here at Lacuna Loft, we’re really excited to read this book together!  The books are packed and ready to go and that means that it’s time for you to sign up to receive one of the 40 (our largest book club ever!!) free books that we send out to young adult cancer patients and survivors in exchange for sharing your commentary on one of the book’s chapters.

We’ll be sending the books out by the end of the month.  The reading assignments (for what chapter we’d love your commentary on) will go out then too, and we’ll start sharing your commentary in mid-February.

Once this round of book club officially starts, there are several ways for you to be involved in the book club:

  • Read the book along with us and check out the Young Adult Voices blog each Monday, starting in February for the next book chapter’s installment!
  • If you get behind, check out this page for all of the posts for Round 11 of the book club.
  • If you’d like to contribute your comments about a chapter, email aerial@lacunaloft.org at least a few days ahead of the Monday when that chapter will be discussed, with your comments and a short bio of yourself.

Happy reading!!

Book Club: The Cast Chapters 19-21

people leaning against one another

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading The Cast by Amy Blumenfeld! Catch up on Chapters 1-2, Chapters 3-4Chapters 5-6, Chapters 7-8,  Chapters 9-10, and Chapters 11-12, and Chapters 13-15, and Chapters 16-18! Read participant reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book. Caution, spoilers below!

Week 9: Chapters 19, 20, and 21

By Jennifer S.:

Chapter 19

This chapter enamored me with Holly and Adam and their relationship all the more. Though I have no personal experience with Jewish traditions, it was touching to see their pregnancy journey reach its emotional peak at the bris. They have such a loving relationship, highlighted all the more by the compromises Holly mentioned. And Adam getting up an extra night to take care of Ezra, as well as his respect for the bakery workers, helps portray him as a great man. He has more integrity as a spouse and father than probably any other man in the book. The relationship between Holly and Adam is wholesome and refreshing compared to the drama between other couples. I’m really rooting for their little family.

Chapter 20

It was gut-wrenching to see Holly’s peaceful life suddenly ripped apart by the accident. She’s so concerned over Becca that there was no thought in her mind it could be her husband in trouble. On the other hand, it was heartwarming to see Jordana and Holly come together for Adam’s sake, despite the tension in their past. Jordana using a line from her mindfulness class goes to show how she’s grown as a person. I was proud of Jordana for being so supportive and calm when she got to the scene of the accident. She didn’t let her natural Type-A tendencies take over, and was able to focus on Adam’s needs without being overbearing. I really felt for her when she drew the parallel between Adam’s crisis and being present for her hospital-bound best friend decades ago.

Chapter 21

Dang, this chapter was an emotional ride. At first, I was hopeful for Becca and Nolan’s relationship after he seemed to shake off some of his self-centered jerk tendencies. Things turned sour during the prosthetic shopping, though, and alarm bells went off in my head. They seemed to go off in Becca’s too. Both Becca and I have doubts that this guy is worth the trouble. Becca’s early-morning ruminations that showed her lingering affection for her husband were a welcome respite from the chaos that the reader knows is about to unfold surrounding Adam. I still think Becca’s given Nolan too many chances. Seeing Holly, Jordana, and Becca chatter at the hospital gave me hope that their lives had already climaxed in terms of stress, and things would start to improve again. It felt like they were all cautiously hopeful too. After everything, I can’t imagine the burden Becca must have felt the instant she saw the surgeons and knew the tragedy about to unfold.

In our next blog post, look for the comments and discussion on chapters 22-23!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Book Club: The Cast Chapters 16-18

woman sitting on dock

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club! We are reading The Cast by Amy Blumenfeld! Catch up on Chapters 1-2, Chapters 3-4Chapters 5-6, Chapters 7-8,  Chapters 9-10, and Chapters 11-12, and Chapters 13-15! Read participant reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book. Caution, spoilers below!

Week 8: Chapters 16, 17, and 18

By Rachel G.:

I have to be honest. I only read the blurb on the back of the book before requesting my copy and therefore didn’t know much about the book, so I was absolutely prepared to not like this book once I started reading it. Throw the words “Hodgkins Lymphoma” in a sentence, and it’s just about enough to make me want to tune out since that was my particular brand of cancer. HOWEVER, I was more than pleasantly surprised and moved by reading this book. I read it in one sitting and in about three hours.

Now, to get to my assigned section of chapters sixteen through eighteen. Our lives are comprised of so many different relationships, whether they’re the ones we’re born into or the ones we make for ourselves, and I believe that the weekend at Jordana’s had to have been fortuitous timing in repairing the friendship between her and Holly and the relationship between Becca and Nolan. That time spent in the ER between Holly, Adam, and Jordana allowed them to heal some connections that would ultimately lead to friendships Holly would need in the very immediate future and would have no way of predicting. Holly was also able to welcome Nolan into the group, which was pretty cool.

In our next blog post, look for the comments and discussion on chapters 19, 20, and 21!


We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Book Club: The Cast Chapters 13-15

house

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading The Cast by Amy Blumenfeld!  Catch up on Chapters 1-2, Chapters 3-4Chapters 5-6, Chapters 7-8,  Chapters 9-10, and Chapters 11-12!  Read participant reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book.  Caution, spoilers below!

Week 7: Chapters 13, 14, and 15

By KM H.:

Chapter 13

This one is from Jordana’s POV. I can sympathize with Jordana a bit. All her planning for this weekend has basically gone to hell, and she’s just trying to do one thing according to plan with her friends. Lex gets confrontational with Nolan after too much wine, and Jordana tries to smooth things over, awkwardly, even telling Lex to back off. Everyone immediately gets on her case about defending shit-listed Nolan. She’s trying to remain sympathetic to him since he spilled his guts to her about his work problems but still remain supportive of Becca. Which, of course, is a difficult thing to do.

Jordana tells Becca about how deeply she was affected by Becca’s cancer. She tells her that, seeing her go through all that, had very real ramifications in her life—like taking her kids to the pediatrician all the time and how, when she was younger, she had to check everything multiple times before leaving the house.

And, of course, Jordana and Becca notice that Seth and Lex are making heart eyes at each other. This, naturally, causes some concern. Then Seth’s girlfriend crashes the party, gets mad a Seth (rightfully), and leaves (I would too, girl).

The bit about Jordana’s vicarious trauma at the hands of Becca’s cancer stands out to me the most in this chapter. I don’t often see a lot about how siblings and others handle the cancer of a loved one, especially someone young, so it was nice to have that acknowledged.

Chapter 14

This chapter is from Seth’s POV, and we get to see him coming to terms with his budding feelings for Lex, which is of course is awkward ‘cause, well … Seth, sweetie, Lex is married and you should find someone else to pine after.

So, basically, Seth and Lex make a fire (‘cause they’re both feeling the sparks of looove, I imagine), do a lot of flirting while reminiscing about childhood experiences, and then things kind of get real when Lex starts talking about how Seth has failed at a bunch of stuff. Messed up, done the wrong thing, but things have turned out okay for him. It’s basically her way of consenting to the relationship via subtext, even though she knows it’s going to make a big mess of things in her life. After an unfortunate event involving a lot smacking Lex in the head and Seth coming to the rescue with tweezers, Lex drops the subtext and confesses that she needs Seth—and she doesn’t mean his splinter-extracting skills.

Then we get some info about how Lex is not happy in her marriage, it’s all a mess, she ain’t gettin’ any, that sort of thing. Lex feels inspired to jump off the cliff and hope fate catches her because Becca has taught her that life is short so she should live a little.

Okay. So. I’m a little bit leery of when people use me as an inspiration to do … well, anything. I’m not particularly upset by the whole cheating storyline in the book or anything, but I just sort of put myself into Becca’s shoes. Would I be okay with a friend using my near-death experience with cancer as an inspiration for doing something questionable, like starting an affair?

Um, no. No, I would not. I don’t want to be the object lesson that a friend twists into an excuse for doing something like this. Like, sure—go ahead. Have your affair. But own your own bad life choices and leave me out of it, thank you very much. 🙂

Chapter 15

We’re back to Becca’s POV in this chapter, and the chapter opens with Becca spotting Lex and Seth coming into the house in each other’s arms. She’s realized that the flirting she saw in chapter 14 wasn’t just idle chatter, but something real, and immediately she’s worried about the group and how their relationship will change things.

Still-on-the-shit-list-Nolan is with Becca and sees all this as well. He immediately confronts Seth about his new relationship, reminding Seth of the obvious—that Lex is married. Seth fires back that Nolan isn’t one to talk and things get a little physical.

Becca tries to calm still-yet-more-on-the-shit-list Nolan down, even though she agrees with Seth and his assessment that Nolan is a grade-A asshole.

But the thing is, she’s got this massive diagnosis, and she honestly doesn’t want a divorce. She wants her marriage to work, and she’s definitely feeling some needless guilt for having gotten cancer. Again.

She confesses that she’s scheduled the mastectomy and reconstruction, thinking that she can cancel the reconstruction if she chooses to do so later. And, of course, eternally-on-the-shit-list-Nolan bungles the whole thing, telling her that he knew she was “too smart to give up the chance to look like a woman.”

Asshole.

Naturally, that comment goes over like a ton of bricks and they argue. Holly interrupts, thank goodness, and the chapter concludes with Becca reminiscing about the birth of her child via surrogate.

To say that Nolan is a problematic character is an understatement, but at the same time, he’s very representative of some of the arguments and issues I’ve heard breast cancer friends go through. He’s very biological-essentialist, like much of our society, and it’s gross. Breasts do not equal womanhood. You do not need boobs in order to be a woman. And from the way he talks, he values these fluffy sacks of fat and mammary tissue more than he does his wife and his marriage.

This is also why I have issues with breast cancer awareness campaigns that try to use cutesy marketing all about saving boobs. Like, seriously. BOOBS ARE OVERRATED. Why can’t we value the lives of the people we’re saving, not these non-essential bits of anatomy? Nolan and campaigns like these embody the way that our culture values the sexual parts of our bodies, but not the person that lives inside that body.

In our next blog post, look for the comments and discussion on chapters 16, 17, and 18!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us! Excited about the young adult cancer book club? Have any suggestions for future reads? Let us know!

Book Club: The Cast, Online Discussion!

meeting on zoom with coffee

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading The Cast by Amy Blumenfeld!  Catch up on Chapters 1-2, Chapters 3-4Chapters 5-6, Chapters 7-8, Chapters 9-10, and Chapters 11-12!  Read participant reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book.

It’s time for our Young Adult Cancer Book Club Online Discussion!

After having read through the entire book together, it is time to get together and discuss!  Plus, this time around we are extremely lucky to have the author joining us!

Who: young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers along with the author, Amy Blumenfeld!

When: Monday, October 26th @ 5-6 pm PT / 7-8 pm CT / 8-9 pm ET via video chat.

How does it work? You’ll receive the zoom link to join the online discussion in your inbox if you’re signed up to receive notifications about the book club.  If you haven’t already done so, click the link below, and under “programs you’re interested in,” choose ‘book club’ to be notified with the link for the video chat. Lacuna Loft will send you an email a few days before the workshop with information on how to join. ***You’ll need the link that we’ll provide you, a headset with a microphone, and a webcam.***

Join in next Monday for the young adult cancer book club online discussion!

Click here to sign up to be notified with the info you need to join the book club discussion.  Go under ‘Programs you’re interested in. and choose ‘book club’’ (Feel free to choose to be notified when other programs are announced too!)


We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!  Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club: The Cast Chapters 11-12

woman driving car

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading The Cast by Amy Blumenfeld!  Catch up on Chapters 1-2, Chapters 3-4Chapters 5-6, Chapters 7-8, and Chapters 9-10!  Read participant reactions and follow along with us each week as we read through the book.  Caution, spoilers below!

Week 6: Chapters 11 and 12

By KM H.:

Chapter 11: Holly

I think Holly is one of the most even-keeled characters in this bunch. In this chapter, Holly’s husband, Adam, discovers that Holly made a baby registry when the store calls to recover their price gun that Holly accidentally took with her. This is a potential tension point because Holly and Adam’s practice as Orthodox Jews includes a taboo against gift-giving to unborn children. Adam and Holly don’t discuss it right away, so we don’t get to know how they worked it out.

What we do see is Becca coming in and helping Holly return the price gun, and act that leads to all sorts of internal debate for Holly, because it’s Shabbos and she is deeply observant. In the end, she decides to go with Becca to the store and return the item, even though it’s Shabbos and she shouldn’t be riding in a car. She goes because she wants to help Becca, who seems to need to get out of the house right then.

I really enjoyed this chapter and being in Holly’s head. I especially liked how Holly questions and wonders about her religious practice and how she wants to raise her unborn child. She’s walking a delicate line, wanting to remain Orthodox but debating what’s best for her and her family now. I think what I liked most about this whole internal debate or the acknowledgment that people change, and that what works well for someone in one part of their life might not work later—and that’s okay. I also really, really appreciated that she bent her religious custom to help a friend in need. Overall, I found Holly and Adam to be two of the most heartwarming characters throughout this novel. 🙂

Chapter 12: Nolan

At this point, I am firmly in the “Nolan is a highly divorce-able douche nozzle” camp. The chapter opens with his mom, the only reasonable person in his family of origin, prodding him out of bed to go make-up with Becca. Then we get treated to Nolan’s mental pity party (eg “They’re probably calling to disown me.” And “Why should I apologize for speaking my mind.”) as he deals with (deserved) issues with his law firm and (undeserved) affection from his daughter. Eventually, he decides to head to the reunion to be with Becca and try to keep his family together—he knows divorce is on the table—but at this point, he’s still convinced that he’s right about Becca’s need for boobs.

His reception at the reunion is a bit cold. From there, he gets some alone time with Becca and instead of working things out, they talk about Emma’s birth. Then Nolan and Seth argue, and Nolan spills his guts about his work troubles to Jordana at the end of the chapter.

I kept waiting to hear Nolan really argue his case about the reconstruction—whether that happens through inner monologue or in conversation with someone else. Unfortunately, Nolan is a master at avoidance and self-pity, and even at the end of the chapter, he’s mentally pleading with Becca to admit she overreacted so they can enjoy the weekend. Ugh.

Conclusion: Nolan is still a douchebag.

By Jessica K.:

Chapter 11: Holly

In chapter 11, we get a glimpse inside Holly’s daily rituals as an observant Jewish woman. We also see how her daily routine is upended by her response to Becca’s cancer diagnosis. She forgets to turn off her phone for Shabbat, forgoes the rules and drives with Bec in a car, etc. She also commits to a secret pact made with her other friends to “distract [Bec and] lift her spirits].”

This chapter reminded me of how my own cancer diagnosis affected the lives of everyone around me. On a macro level, everyone had to grapple with the fact that my life was in jeopardy. On a micro level, they did the same thing as Bec’s friends and made concerted efforts to lift my spirits. I appreciated their efforts but also felt weird about it. I was processing my own breast cancer diagnosis but also dealing with everyone else’s emotional responses. I didn’t want anyone else to worry, so I always put on a brave face.  I really like how this book is so realistic.  It is obvious from reading that the author has also been through what we’ve all been through.

Chapter 12: Nolan

This chapter is all about how Becca’s husband, Nolan, processes the news of her breast cancer and how her childhood BFFs come to her defense when he inappropriately pressures her into having reconstructive surgery after her bilateral mastectomy.  This chapter really highlights the spectrum of responses you get from friends and family when they find out about your cancer.  Generally, I try to be understanding toward others, but it is hard for me to sympathize with Nolan here.  As a breast cancer survivor and a divorce attorney, I know far too many stories about the women who received life-threatening diagnoses and the men who could not handle their wife’s cancer.

Here, Nolan is keeping secrets about his job, running away to his mom’s house, and showing up late to the party celebrating his wife’s remission.  To me (admittedly not an objective observer), his response is not appropriate. But, neither is it unexpected.  Cancer sucks and it takes a toll on everyone around you in different ways.

By Sarah H:

Chapter 11 was written from the view of Holly. This chapter talks about being authentic and being yourself. The story is around a scanner gun that Holly accidentally stole and the need to return it even though it was a Saturday and as an Orthodox Jewish person she should not be going out. Holly decides as a good friend she needs to help distract Becca and broke the rules for the first time in over 20 years.  This chapter reminded me of my friend Nancy and how she will often pick me up to go shopping at Walmart as a distraction. Sometimes she will drop everything to step up and distract me as Holly did with her religious beliefs.

Chapter 12 was written from the viewpoint of Nolan and is his perspective following the previous fight with Becca. The chapter shows the effect that a diagnosis and big decisions have on everyone in the family and friendships. It also updated us that he might be about to lose his job and possibly be sued. It is a chapter of stress and turmoil from the characters’ perspective. While trying to protect others he is distancing himself.  While reading this chapter I could physically feel the stress that was happening. It gave me a chance to step back and think of some of the situations people I love have been through with my diagnosis. How people have kept important life things from me out of love and not wanting to “burden” me with more. Also, it made me think of some of the fights I have had and question what else was going on during those times.

In our next blog post, look for the comments and discussion on chapters 13-14!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done. If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday. Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss. We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end! Join in, in the comments every week! Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!  Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!