Have A Scientific Weekend!

I’m in Orlando, FL this weekend at the American Society of Clinical Oncology’s Cancer Survivorship Symposium presenting a poster on our Online Unspoken Ink Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Group!  Lacuna Loft’s first expedition into research!!!

Plus, next week we’ll have the online book club discussion for The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.  RSVP and join us!  (Even if you didn’t read all of the book!)  😉

Here are some scientific weekend links from around the interwebs…

[list type=”like”]
[list_item]have you tried out the online writing group?[/list_item]
[list_item]next weekend we’re at the YSC Summit in FL![/list_item]
[list_item]don’t forget to RSVP for our online book club discussion this coming Monday![/list_item]
[list_item]want to take over our instagram for a day?[/list_item]
[list_item]have a question for the Awkward Auntie?[/list_item]
[list_item]want to get more involved?[/list_item]
[list_item]come say hi if you’re at ASCO this weekend![/list_item]
[/list]

Have a scientific weekend Lacuna Lofties!

Unspoken Ink Writing Group Winter/Spring Session Forming Now!

young adult cancer creative writing group

It’s that time of the year again!  The Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Group, Winter/Spring Session is now forming!  The group has changed from 10 weeks to 8 weeks but will still take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer survivor peers.

Starting March 15th, the Winter/Spring Session will meet each Wednesday for 8 weeks from 5-7 pm PT / 8-10 pm ET.

This group is designed to take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer survivor peers. Each 8-week program consists of a weekly writing session attended via video hangout. We will get to know one another in an intimate, 12-15 person setting and address issues that transport us from initial diagnosis into the new normal and survivorship.  For the Winter/Spring Session, the group will consist of 15 young adult cancer survivors and caregivers.  Sign up will close as soon as the group is full!

 

 

The Categories Of Cancer People

“My period has totally stopped,” I said. “I’m worried something is wrong because of my treatments and that it means I won’t be able to get pregnant.”

“Well, you’re lucky. My bleeding is just out of control. Horrible cramps,” she responded.

Just to be clean the record, she is perfectly healthy…just complaining about her period to someone worrying about infertility. This describes my post-cancer relationship with more than one friend who pre-dates my diagnosis.

So many cannot hold the hurt and truth of others. I can’t always manage it myself, but I always try. I guess she does too…but it doesn’t always seem that way.

And so the people in my life sort themselves. There are several categories.

There are the ‘cancer happened, let’s analyze this scientifically’ crew. They launch into statistics and practice problem-solving at the drop of a hat. There are the ‘nod but say nothing’ crew, who leave you self-conscious and wondering what they were thinking through the glazed expression on their face. There are the ‘omg that reminds me of this basically irrelevant story that probably makes me less uncomfortable than the one you just told’ crew who divert the conversation into something they find more suitable while completely invalidating your feelings. There are the ‘holding’ crew, who physically or emotionally (or both) hold your hurt and your words.

The other girlfriend of mine in the room waited for our mutual friend to stop comparing my infertility concerns with her cycle’s annoyances, looked me in the eye and said, “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mother, however it happens.”

“Yep, She’s a holder,” I thought.

The holders are the best. They can sit in your muck, and help you dig out while still acknowledging how stinky the whole situation is.

My goal, from the second I became a caregiver and on into my cancer and my survivorship, has been to be a holder in all aspects of my life. I want to show up for people, to be brave. I want to have children and be able to do the same for them.

Some days it’s hard. I feel stuck in my own muck and cannot easily trudge through someone else’s. But some days, I can do it.

How would you respond to the writing prompt, of a photo of day by day candling of duck eggs?

duck-egg-candling

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants meet for 2 hours each week, for 10 weeks during our Fall 2016 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  If you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org or sign up on our interest form.

Paper Chain

writing group

I cleaned out my room today, getting rid of old clothes
most of which are too big for me now
as I’ve shrunk to a skeletal version of myself.
Gathering under my bed along with old chapsticks
and safety pins and crumpled receipts
were several hospital bracelets.

I’ve been saving them for over three years now,
hoping to make them mean something at the end of this-
a bracelet chain so I can count down the days
to the 5 year word:
CURE
or an art piece displaying the excessive usage of labels and
an ID number I’ll never forget: 612212
or proof for the future me that this really did happen
or a finish line I can break through–

I find them everywhere:
in drawers, coat pockets, the bottom of my purse and car
folded in my wallet
and under my bed
I have probably 200 of them

I plan to make something out of them eventually
I have a one-woman show in the works and I’ve been taking
copious notes of all the things that have happened
“ice bag boobs” after the highest fever my nurse had ever seen
“7 liters”: – my record-breaking peeing in a single day
“No, it wasn’t breast cancer, I just have really small boobs”
I don’t even need to explain that one.

There’s a lot of comedy, truly. And there’s a lot of white.
white room, white bandages
200 white stamps
200 white plastic wishes and fears
200+ white handfuls of foamed Purell

I plan to make something out of them
even if it is just a bonfire
to simultaneously burn away Cancer Girl
and offer up incense to the sky
Praise you stars, that I am still here
and I can still make things burn.

image via

Something You Know By Heart

On Sunday mornings, she would come into my room, waking me up, and slipping into bed beside me.  I don’t remember what we’d talk about as I’d slowly become alert to the morning sun around me.  Maybe we talked about what was for breakfast.  Maybe one of the hounds jumped into the bed to join the morning time together.  Maybe she asked what the rest of my day entailed.  Maybe we dreamt together of days filled with the promise of tomorrows.

I do not remember the words.  I remember the safety of her lying close beside me.  The feeling of having her all to myself.  The comfort of her presence in the weekend mornings in my life.

I still try to take those moments with her…those moments between being asleep and being awake when I can feel her love beside me.  Maybe we speak of breakfast.  Maybe we speak of the rest of the day.  Maybe a hound comes to join us as we lay together.

How would you respond to the writing prompt, “Something that you know by heart…” ?

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants met for 2 hours each week, for 10 weeks during our Spring 2016 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  Our Fall 2016 session is happening now, but if you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org or sign up on our interest form.

Survivor…The Process of Surviving From Another Person’s Point Of View

being a survivor

The process of surviving from another person’s point of view.  So many points of view swimming around in my mind, conjured from glances and phrases both real and imagined.  These points of view are so loud and so useless, sometimes running my thoughts in circles.

I come from a line of farmers who worked themselves into the dirt, day after day.  They survived off each other and off of the land.  My mother lived a similar life of constant tasks and chores, never resting.  I do not know where I fit in this sea of dirt and movement.  Sometimes I feel stuck in the everyday tasks of developing a routine, even leaving the house.

And these other points of view, they yell and point fingers from inside my own head.  They call names, shout words, and lend the shoulds to that word “survivor.”

Each should circles and bubbles and mutates into a point of view of its own, as the day goes on, and the shadows lengthen.

“Listen to the mustn’ts child, Listen to the don’ts.  Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts.  Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me.  Anything can happen child, anything can be.” – Shel Silverstein

My 17 year old self knew how to make it happen.  How to be afraid of failure but do it all anyway.  She knew to tape that poem on the ceiling right above her head.  She knew how to jump into the cold water of the deep end, day after day, and chase the things that she wanted, finding freedom from those shoulds in the struggle.

The shoulds of surviving, the shoulds of being here and alive and well.  The shoulds of anxiety and fear and wholeness and health.  The shoulds of the points of view circling around my mind.  I do not yet feel freedom in the struggle.  Maybe tonight, I’ll lay my head down, think of that poem, and start over in the morning.

How would you respond to the writing prompt, “sur.vi.vor – the process of surviving from another person’s point of view. – to beat the odds, one with great courage, a true inspiration.” ?

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants met for 2 hours each week, for 10 weeks during our Spring 2016 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  Our Fall 2016 session is already full but if you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org.

Penrose Waltz

grief

I wrote this during Unspoken Ink earlier this year. It has not been edited- I believe there is a certain quality about something that just emerges from a few minutes of unadulterated writing. I’ve been thinking a lot on the process of getting healthy and becoming happy and content- and this piece floated back to my mind today. I feel like I am constantly shifting full spheres of grieving, celebration, growing, breaking, healing, breaking again, crying, laughing, sadness and grieving and laughing. It is a cycle, but not one that makes any logical sense.

—

Well first off, it doesn’t go:

Grieving, Healing, Growing.

like it was a staircase;

each step just needing to be climbed; easy

as eating cake on the porch while the summer gives way

to Fall. No,

 

It’s all over the god damn place

like a tantrum of a five-year-old

stronger than it was at two,

still unable to be consoled.

 

If it resembled a staircase

it could only be the Penrose steps

going on an on forever amen

and once more now:

when you’ve reached the top, at last!

You’re at the bottom again

and tired as hell.

 

No, it’s more like the cycle of water

merging between states of being

over and over forever amen.

 

First you’re Liquid

then something burns you so bad you turn Mist

and ascend to join the other clouds and it’s

cool and warm rubbing noses up there until

there’s too much of all of us until

we gather up our two oxygens and

plummet to earth again.

 

There is no one way to be.

There is no one form to take;

because once you’re down here (again)

you might travel the full body of a mammal

then wash the wings of a bird

then reflect the baby face of Narcissus

then harden for a season

waiting, breathless,

to do it all over again.

 

So, no, it’s not 1, 2, 3.

It’s the waltz. but all fucked up.

1 2 3 – 1 2 1 – 1 1 1 – 3 2 1 – 1 3 1

the Penrose waltz:

dancing forever, making tiny strides

here and back, up and down, grief and victory

again and

again and

again

 

To read more of the posts from our Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Group, go here.

Have A Contented Weekend

This week, all of our links are meant to help you become more involved with Lacuna Loft!  Whether you’re interested in joining a program, connecting with us on social, or volunteering, there are so many different options to become a part of the Lacuna Loft team!  Don’t be shy, join us!

Here are some contented weekend links from around the interwebs…

[list type=”like”]
[list_item]join our fall writing group![/list_item]
[list_item]volunteer with Lacuna Loft![/list_item]
[list_item]connect with us on instagram![/list_item]
[list_item]join round 3 of our book club![/list_item]
[list_item]connet with us on facebook![/list_item]
[list_item]want to lead a creative workshop? Contact us![/list_item]
[list_item]share your stories with us![/list_item]
[/list]

Have a contented weekend Lacuna Lofties!  We’ll see you back after the Monday holiday!

Unspoken Ink Fall Session Forming Now!

young adult cancer creative writing group

The Fall Session of Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Group is forming now!  The group will meet for 2 hours each week via video chat, for 10 weeks.

Starting September 13th, the Fall Session will meet each Tuesday night from 5-7 pm PDT / 8-10 pm EDT.

This group is designed to take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer survivor peers. Each 10-week program consists of a weekly writing session attended via video hangout. We will get to know one another in an intimate, 8-10 person setting and address issues that transport us from initial diagnosis into the new normal and survivorship.  For the Fall Session, the group will consist of 10 young adult cancer survivors and caregivers.  Sign up will close as soon as the group is full!

Check out our Writing Group program page for more info!

Some quick logistics:
– The writing group meets for 2 hours each week, for a period of 10 weeks. A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time ?  The Fall session group will begin Tuesday, September 13th and will meet on Tuesdays from 5-7 pm PDT / 8-10 pm EDT.
– Each participant will receive a name@LacunaLoft-writinggroup.org email address to use when attending each writing group session. At this email address, you will receive a weekly invitation to a google video hangout where the writing group session will take place.
– Following each weekly session, you may decide to submit your writing to Mallory (mallory@lacunaloft.org) for publication on LacunaLoft.org in their Young Adult Voices program section. This is encouraged but not mandatory.

Sign Up For Open Write Night

young adult cancer survivor writing group

Interested in checking out what it’s like to join the Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group before committing to 10 weeks of the group?  You’re in luck!  On August 16th from 5-7 pm PDT / 8-10 pm EDT we’ll be hosting an Open Write Night!  You can spend an evening with other young adult cancer survivors and do some creative writing while you’re at it.  The Open Write Night will meet via video chat!

Sign up here!

Here’s how it works!

  1. Sign up!
  2. Lacuna Loft will assign you an email address and explain how to log in to that email address.
  3. We’ll send a calendar invite to your Lacuna Loft email address.
  4. On August 16th at 5 pm PDT / 8 pm EDT, login to your Lacuna Loft email address and join the open write night calendar invite.
  5. Spend 2 hours over video chat with your cancer survivor friends, writing and having fun!

Sign up today!

—

Want to know more about the Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group?

The Unspoken Ink writing group uses a creative writing method (Amherst Writing and Artists (AWA) Method) wherein the facilitator provides a writing prompt and you can use that prompt in any way you’d like to create a story over a set amount of time. Once we’ve finished our writing (yes, the facilitator writes too!), everyone is given the opportunity to read their writing out loud. Hearing your own story and hearing someone else’s teaches us all so much about our experiences and our stories. Once the piece is read, we reflect on the writing – what did we like, what stood out, what do we remember. Everything is considered fiction so we do not respond to the writer as a support group may, but keep the focus on the writing.

Sometimes the prompts are about cancer, sometimes indirectly related to cancer, and sometimes not about cancer at all. Above all, the writing program emphasizes that we are more than a diagnosis.

Some logistics:
– The writing group meets for 2 hours each week, for a period of 10 weeks. A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time ?  The group will begin in mid-September and will meet on Tuesdays from 5-7 pm PDT / 8-10 EDT.
– Each participant will receive a name@LacunaLoft-writinggroup.org email address to use when attending each writing group session. At this email address, you will receive a weekly invitation to a google video hangout where the writing group session will take place.
– Following each weekly session, you may decide to submit your writing to Mallory (mallory@lacunaloft.org) for publication on LacunaLoft.org in their Young Adult Voices program section. This is not mandatory!