Because They Get It: Peer Connection & Mentorship in Cancer Life

There’s a special kind of relief that comes from talking to someone who just gets it. No explaining, no softening, no apologizing for the hard stuff, just instant understanding.

That’s what peer connection is all about. When you’ve gone through cancer, even your most loving friends might not fully understand what it’s like to live in this new reality. The fatigue, the fear, the weird sense of being both “lucky” and “lost.” But another survivor? They know.

Peer support doesn’t erase the hard parts, but it makes them lighter to carry. It turns isolation into connection and sometimes, connection into healing.

For me, connecting to peers with blood cancer made all the difference in my mental health. It started online and eventually I gained a group of friends I’ve met IRL and keep in touch with each week. 

Why Peer Support Matters

The science backs up what you may already know: connection is medicine. Studies show that cancer survivors who engage in peer or group support report lower distress, higher quality of life, and greater sense of meaning (Spiegel & Classen, 2000; Uchino, 2006).

For young adults, that connection is even more critical. You’re navigating identity, relationships, and the future all while processing an experience that most people your age can’t relate to. Peer mentorship creates a bridge between “I’m the only one” and “I’m not alone.”

And peer doesn’t just mean patient. Caregivers, co-survivors, and loved ones benefit, too. When you can talk to someone who’s been there whether that’s about scanxiety, intimacy, returning to work, or just existing in a changed body, something inside you exhales.

Peer Mentorship & Connection Programs

These are some compassionate peer connection programs for young adults and their loved ones:

Blood Cancer United: Peer Program — bloodcancerunited.com

Connects young adults with blood cancer to trained peer mentors who understand the journey firsthand.

Brain Tumor Patient & Caregiver Mentor Support (ABTA) — abta.org

Matches patients, survivors, and caregivers navigating brain tumors with trained mentors through the American Brain Tumor Association.

Cancer Hope Network — cancerhopenetwork.org

Free and confidential 1:1 peer support for anyone impacted by cancer. Mentors are trained survivors and caregivers who’ve been through it.

CancerCare: Peer Matching — cancercare.org

Professional-led programs that offer both group support and peer matching for patients and caregivers.

Colorectal Cancer Alliance: Buddy Program — ccalliance.org

Pairs newly diagnosed patients or caregivers with trained “buddy” mentors who share lived experience.

Connecting Champions — connectingchampions.org

A unique program that connects young adults with mentors in their career field during or after treatment — helping them rebuild purpose and future goals.

FORCE: Peer Navigation Program — facingourrisk.org

Peer navigation for individuals with hereditary cancers, including breast, ovarian, pancreatic, and prostate.

Imerman Angels — imermanangels.org

Global 1:1 peer support for patients, survivors, and caregivers. Matches are made by diagnosis, age, and experience for the best fit.

LUNGevity LifeLine — lungevity.org

Matches people living with lung cancer to volunteer mentors who’ve faced similar challenges.

NETCONNECT (Neuroendocrine Cancer Foundation) — ncf.net

Connects newly diagnosed neuroendocrine tumor patients with mentors who share lived experience.

SoulMates Program (Dana-Farber Young & Strong) — dana-farber.org

Peer mentor program for young adults with breast cancer, pairing them with survivors who offer guidance and encouragement.

Young Survival Coalition (YSC) — youngsurvival.org

Offers peer connections, local meetups, and online communities for young adults affected by breast cancer.

ZERO Prostate Cancer: Us TOO Support — zerocancer.org

Peer mentors and support groups for those impacted by prostate cancer.

How to Get the Most Out of Peer Support

You don’t have to show up with the right words — just honesty. Here are a few ways to make peer connection meaningful:

  1. Be yourself. You don’t have to be “inspirational” or have it all together. You can vent, cry, or laugh.

  2. Take what fits, leave what doesn’t. Not every mentor will be your person — and that’s okay. It’s about connection, not perfection.

  3. Stay open. You might join for support and end up becoming the support for someone else.

  4. Mix peer and professional care. You can have a therapist and a peer mentor. They serve different but equally vital roles.

You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

Peer support is proof that healing doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens in community. Every story shared, every “me too,” every text exchanged at midnight builds a little more light into the dark corners of survivorship.

If you’re ready to find someone who’s walked a similar path, explore our Peer Connection & Mentorship Directory to find programs that match your diagnosis, age, and needs.

Because sometimes the best medicine is another human saying, “I’ve been there and you’re going to be okay.” 💛



Ask Perrie: Dating After Everything

Dear Perrie,

I’m wondering about dating after cancer treatment. I just worry that everyone will pity me and not take me seriously as a potential partner. Also, how to navigate the potential of needing care later on? How do you deal with that?

Dear Dating After Everything,

This is a tender and vulnerable question, and it makes so much sense that dating after cancer would feel complicated. Cancer can change how you see yourself, and it can make you wonder how others will see you, too. Wondering whether your potential partner will pity you or take you seriously makes sense to me; it’s a common concern I’ve heard from other YAs navigating dating. This can show up in other relationships too, not just romantic ones! I want to gently redirect you to an important follow-up question: What would it mean about the person and/or the relationship if that did happen? 

I ask this question because often when we are someone who is navigating the world of oncology, disability, chronic pain, infertility, and more, we begin to look at ourselves as the common denominator and therefore the problem. Having needs that may differ from someone your age, or who you were before cancer, does not make you the problem. Instead, I want to offer that the right person for you will stay curious about your experiences and won’t feel burdened by your medical history.  Your cancer experience is part of you, but it is not all of you. The right person will be able to see that. Sure, “normies” may need a little guidance at first (they haven’t had this experience before, after all), but I want to encourage you to notice if someone isn’t taking you seriously or giving you pity even after a conversation, then that is data about that person or the relationship.

Dating asks you to be seen, and that can feel vulnerable in a different way after going through something as significant as cancer. I also want to remind you that you get to decide how and when you share your story. Some people feel more comfortable being open early on, and others wait until there is more trust. There isn’t a right or wrong way to disclose your medical history. What matters is that it feels aligned with your comfort and your sense of safety! You get to decide if and when the person you are dating is safe enough (emotionally) to share this tender part of yourself with. 

The question about future care is a big one. Cancer can make the possibility of needing care feel more immediate and more real. At the same time, needing care at some point is part of being human and a normal part of being in a long-term relationship. There is a saying in disability spaces that disability is the only identity any of us can enter at any time. What you are naming is something many people carry, even if they are not always saying it out loud

A small reframe for you: You do not have to solve that question at the beginning of dating or a relationship. In fact, you may not want to solve it that early. 

Early on, it is enough to focus on whether this person is kind, whether they listen, whether they show up consistently, and how you feel in their presence. As a relationship grows, conversations about support, capacity, and care tend to happen more naturally. When those conversations come up, you can approach them with openness. You might share that your cancer experience has shaped how you think about support and that being able to talk about those things matters to you.

It may also help assuage any anxiety around long-term care by starting to have these conversations with yourself. For example, if and when you do need long-term care, what would be your priorities? Your major concerns? Are there any steps you could take now to have a plan in place? Things like a power of attorney, a will, or making some financial decisions could help you to feel empowered in navigating these concerns long before a long-term partner enters the picture. 

There is also something really important I am hearing underneath all of this. You are wondering if you will be seen as a full partner, someone who is desired, chosen, and taken seriously. 

Please hear me, you are worthy of all of that. Your worth in a relationship is not defined by your medical history. The right people will recognize that and see you for the full expansive human you are. If you find that you struggle with this idea, it may be time to join YA group spaces or seek out a qualified mental health therapist. Memorial Sloan Kettering has a podcast with several episodes on dating inside cancer, or you might even check out Elephants and Tea and see what other YA’s are writing about on this topic. You might also find some of these options supportive in the journey around cancer, dating, and self-love: 

Rooting for a love (and self-love) that accepts you fully,
Perrie 

Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

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Ask Perrie: More Than Just Tired

Dear Perrie,

I am a few years out of active treatment, and I still have significant post-treatment fatigue. Not looking for strategies to combat fatigue, but more on how to explain it to other people that my “tired” (bone-deep exhaustion) is different than other people’s “tired.” It’s hard, because I also look physically well now and I’m able to “function” well. Advice needed, Perrie!!

Dear More Than Just Tired,

First, I want to validate that your experience makes sense, and you are far from alone in this. So many young adults I talk to share this exact tension: they look “functional” (especially as young adults). Some may even have a habit of pushing through chronic symptoms so they can still participate in regular life, but end up crashing later. This all happens while carrying bone-deep fatigue and the internal battle of managing capacity as an adult. That’s a lot. 

One tool that can really help put language to this is Spoon Theory. If you’re not familiar, it’s a way of describing energy as a limited number of “spoons” you start the day with. Every task (like getting dressed, working, socializing, even thinking through something emotional) costs a spoon. Using this framework with others can sometimes help them visualize what it’s like to balance capacity while living with chronic fatigue. 

So, instead of saying “I’m tired,” you might say: “I only have a certain number of spoons each day, and I have to choose carefully how I use them.” Or “If I spend my energy here, I might not have enough left for something later. I’ve found that language like this can sometimes help ‘normies’ understand that chronic fatigue isn’t about willpower or effort, it’s about capacity. In my personal life, I’ve even set up a system at home so my husband knows my spoons/capacity that day. I’ll write on the whiteboard or text him how many spoons I have, which helps us adjust our schedule accordingly. 

It may also help to pair Spoon Theory with language such as “dynamic disability” and “invisible illness”. Dynamic disability means your abilities are not fixed. Your capacity can shift day to day or even hour to hour, so what feels manageable one day may feel impossible the next. Invisible illness means what you’re experiencing may not be obvious to others. You might look “fine” while your body is working overtime just to function. Together, these terms can help explain why chronic fatigue is so hard for others to see or understand and help to reinforce your limits when discussing your fatigue with others. 

Lastly, it may also be supportive to get concrete about what support actually looks like. People often want to help, but don’t know how, having never lived through cancer or chronic fatigue. You might say something like, “It helps when plans are flexible,” “I may need to cancel at the last minute,” “Offering options instead of expectations makes things easier,” or “Low-energy time together still means a lot to me.” These types of statements set expectations and communicate directly the type of support that feels most helpful for YOU. You might need to practice these statements on your own at first, and that’s okay! I’ve been known to have a mirror conversation or two to help myself practice naming my needs.

All that said, there is a hard truth we can’t avoid when communicating our needs: Even the best explanation won’t make everyone understand.

You can do your best to explain your experience. You can offer tools to understand. You can be vulnerable and honest. But you cannot control whether someone truly gets it. What you can control is how you care for yourself in response. That’s where boundaries come in. That might sound like, “I need to head out early so I don’t overdo it.” “I can’t commit to that right now.” “I need a slower day today.” Try not to over-explain, and try not to apologize for having real limits! Boundary work is often easier said than done, because we then have to sit with someone’s uncomfortable reactions to our boundaries. I recommend checking out Nedra Glover, a licensed therapist and author who discusses boundary-setting extensively, as a tool for support. 

And as a side note, if you do share vulnerably (which is always optional) with someone and take the time to explain your fatigue, your limits, your reality, and they dismiss it, minimize it, or continue to expect more from you than you can give… that’s important information about the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, some people will meet you there. They’ll adjust expectations, move plans around, respect your limits, and truly care about your capacity. They’ll make a real effort to accommodate your needs and still include you. These types of relationships are worth their weight in gold. And still…. others won’t. Part of navigating life after cancer is learning to invest your energy in the relationships that can honor your reality, not fight against it.

There is also something really powerful in your question. I can tell that you are learning how to listen to and honor your body, name your limits, and advocate for yourself in ways most people never have to. This work is hard, but it’s absolutely vital in reconnecting with yourself after an experience like cancer. I’m really proud of you for doing the hard things! 

With you in it,
Perrie 🌵

Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

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Ask Perrie: Got Big Questions

Dear Perrie,

How do we cope with the major fear of recurrence for the rest of our hopefully long lives?

How do we choose a career where we do not want to waste our time and be fulfilled, but also gives us the stability and health benefits, especially after experiencing such a traumatic part of our lives?

Dear Got Big Questions,

I’m going to do my best here to be a supportive place to land with these concerns, because they are some heavy and really common concerns among YA cancer folks. First, I want to name something important. Fear of recurrence is a huge part of young adult cancer. So much so that research consistently identifies it as one of the top three long-term aftereffects experienced by AYA survivors. I share that not to make it feel inevitable, but to normalize the experience. You are not alone in this fear, and many struggle to navigate it. 

When you’ve lived through something as traumatic and life-altering as cancer, it makes sense that your brain and body remain alert to the possibility that it could happen again. Your mind is trying to protect you! The tricky part is that this protective system sometimes stays on high alert long after treatment ends (or longer than necessary). 

Navigating fear of recurrence will look different for everyone. For some people, it means working with a trusted therapist who understands cancer survivorship. For others, it means finding community spaces where they can talk openly with people who truly understand the experience. And for many others, it takes space and time (ugh, I know, I know….time?!?) for healing as your mind, body, and soul adjust to your reality. 

Here are a few approaches that I’ve found personally and professionally helpful in dealing with fear of recurrence: 

Let the feeling exist.
Trying to force fear away often makes it louder. Acknowledging that fear is present can sometimes soften its grip. For many people, fear of recurrence does not completely disappear; it softens with time and grows quieter with experience navigating it. I don’t say that to scare you, but to name a truth that many experience: Sometimes the work becomes less about getting rid of fear and more about learning how to let the fear exist without letting it run your life. You see, the more we try to avoid fear, the bigger it can become. You might experiment with gently allowing yourself to be scared while still doing the important things in your life. You might even try practicing being with the fear in small increments on purpose. Yes, I know that sounds a little strange, but stay with me. The more you practice letting the feeling exist, the easier it can be to navigate when it inevitably knocks on your door. 

Bring yourself back to what you actually know to be true.
Fear has a way of pulling our minds into imagined futures. When that happens, try to anchor yourself in the present moment. What do you know to be completely true right now? Right now, you are here in this moment. Right now, you are living your life inside of trauma or new symptoms. Right now, you are doing your absolute best to cope. Bringing your brain back to the current moment is not only an exercise in reeling your thoughts in, but an act of mindfulness. The practice of paying attention to the current moment, on purpose, without judgment. Mindfulness has been shown, across a multitude of studies and cultural practices, to be a cornerstone of resilience and psychological health. When you notice your brain in future-tripping land (as I lovingly call it), try to see if you bring it back to what’s right in front of you through art, music, or another novel experience. It should help take the temperature down! 

Additionally, if you are unsure what symptoms should prompt a call to your oncologist, ask them directly. Having that information can be incredibly grounding. Keep a list of those symptoms somewhere accessible (looking at you, iPhone notes app) so when your brain starts spiraling, you have something concrete. Sometimes that reminder helps us see that our mind is trying to protect us from a future that has not arrived.

Give the fear somewhere to go.
Talking about it with trusted people, journaling, creative expression, therapy, or support groups can help move fear out of your head and into a space where it can actually be processed. Giving your body an opportunity to release some of that energy can be really important for your nervous system and overall mood management. Things like movement, physical activity, grounding exercises, or emotional processing in safe spaces are all ways to help your nervous system move through fear instead of holding it alone. Give yourself and your body an opportunity to chew through the feelings by finding which activities work best for you. 

Your second question about choosing a career after cancer is another really big one. Choosing a career that balances your needs is already a complicated process in young adulthood. When cancer enters the picture, those decisions can start to feel even heavier. It makes sense that you might feel overwhelmed or even frozen when trying to choose something that is both meaningful and stable. Cancer often changes our relationship with time. Suddenly, the idea of wasting time can feel terrifying. There can be pressure to find work that feels deeply fulfilling while also making sure you have stability, health insurance, and enough flexibility to take care of your body.

The truth is that most people build meaningful lives in layers rather than through one perfect decision.

Give yourself some grace to make the next best choice you can in this moment, and maybe even some permission to change your mind later. As you continue to grow as a human, your needs and priorities may shift or evolve. That may mean a professional pivot somewhere down the road, and that is okay (and to be expected, growing and changing is so so human). 

Some tough love here: you do not have to solve the rest of your life today, even if your brain is trying to convince you that you should. 

If you still find yourself feeling stuck on the career piece, it may be helpful to work with a career coach, academic advisor, or another professional who can help guide you through what matters most to you right now. Sometimes, simply exploring your options with someone who understands the process can relieve some of the pressure to find a path that checks every box all at once.

The fact that you are asking these questions tells me you are paying close attention to the life you want to build. That kind of reflection can feel heavy sometimes, but it can also lead to a life that feels deeply intentional. What a wonderful paradox. 

Wishing you courage as you keep asking the big questions,
Perrie




Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions that young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

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Ask Perrie: Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Hi Perrie,

I’m about to turn 30 in two weeks, and I’ve been in remission from stage 3 triple-positive breast cancer for two and a half years now. I always struggled with taking care of myself before cancer, and now in survivorship, I struggle with the fear of losing my job due to the chronic issues I have now. I was fired while in active treatment at a different job, so it’s hard not to think it could happen again for something as minor as me having to call in sick two days in a row. Do you have any advice on how to handle that fear or advice on how to better advocate and take care of myself? 

Thank you

Dear Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop,

Survivorship is full of polarities. There’s a push of “you should be all better now” and a pull of “I’m anything but better now.” Let’s make space for where you really are. I’m hearing that you’re juggling chronic illness, maybe even chronic pain, while also trying to take care of yourself, be an adult, pay bills, and show up as an employee. That’s a lot, and I’m probably only touching the surface!

Job insecurity carries real risk, and I don’t want to diminish or invalidate that, especially since you’ve already lived through losing a job during treatment. At the same time, I can hear how the fear of it happening again is starting to get in the way of day-to-day things like taking breaks when you need them, calling out sick, or advocating for yourself.

Giving yourself permission to take care of your body starts from within, and that often begins with self-compassion. You mentioned that caring for yourself was already hard before cancer entered the room. Survivorship can be an opportunity to gently renegotiate that relationship with yourself. Developing more self-understanding and compassion may help you rebuild trust in your own needs and limits.

If you’re open to exploring this, I’d recommend looking into the work of Kristin Neff, who researches and teaches self-compassion. Her workbook, guided meditations, and free online resources can be a helpful starting place: https://self-compassion.org/. Practicing self-compassion regularly can slowly help retrain your brain to respond with kindness toward yourself in moments of overwhelm instead of criticism or fear.

Speaking of fear, what you’re describing can also be deeply connected to anxiety. Your brain is doing what brains do best: trying to predict outcomes in order to keep you safe. The trouble is that sometimes that protective system goes into overdrive. Which, let’s be real, makes sense inside of cancer because you’ve really been through it! 

When you notice fear (whether that’s job loss or any other kind) rising, I’d encourage you to approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. That might sound counterintuitive, because most of us want to avoid fear as quickly as possible. But curiosity can help you gather important information about what you actually need in those moments.

For example, you might notice that fear shows up physically, maybe your breathing gets shallow, or your body feels restless. In that case, regulating your body through breathing or grounding exercises might help. Or maybe fear pulls you into spiraling thoughts and worst-case scenarios (honestly, relatable). In those moments, it may help to gently redirect your thinking or talk through those fears with someone you trust.

And if the fear continues to feel overwhelming, working with a qualified therapist can help navigate those patterns.

As far as advocacy goes, I want to say this clearly: advocating for your needs isn’t selfish. It isn’t a sign that you’re unreliable. It’s part of taking care of yourself so that you can keep showing up in your life and work.

If workplace accommodations might be helpful for you, I also want to point you toward a nonprofit called Cancer and Careers, which provides excellent guidance on navigating employment after cancer. They offer resources on things like intermittent FMLA, flexible work arrangements, and understanding your rights in the workplace: https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en/at-work/back-to-work-after-cancer

The truth is that we live in a culture that often prioritizes productivity and hustle over wellness and balance. Protecting your health may sometimes mean learning how to ask for flexibility or support.

At its heart, a lot of what we’re talking about here is rebuilding trust with yourself. Survivorship, and maybe even this upcoming 30th birthday, can be an invitation to try something new: listening to your body and honoring its limits, even when fear tells you there might be consequences.

You deserve a life that includes stability, self-compassion, and room to heal at your own pace.

Standing with you as you learn to take up space,
Perrie

Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

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Ask Perrie: Stuck In the Freeze

Dear Perrie,

Ever since cancer, I’ve been paralyzed by procrastination. There are so many things that need to be done that I just can’t do any of them. The phone calls, bills, having to talk to people about why the statement I got is wrong- it’s all too much. How do I move past this? I need to deal with these things head-on, but can’t bring myself to do any of it. 

I’m tired and overwhelmed.

Dear Stuck in the Freeze,

First, I want to name that what I’m hearing in your question isn’t just procrastination. Yes, you might be avoiding important tasks, but when we’re in fight-or-flight mode (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn), our nervous system sometimes tries to protect us from overwhelm by doing exactly what you described: freezing.

When that happens, it can become hard to think clearly. You might avoid tasks, numb out, or feel like you aren’t even fully present when these things are being discussed with you. That doesn’t mean you’re lazy or failing; it means your nervous system has been under a lot of pressure (and like….duh, Perrie….. Cancer is hard!)

So my guidance for moving through this starts with something simple: notice the freeze. The more awareness you can bring to those moments when you feel yourself shutting down, avoiding, or checking out, the easier it becomes to gently move through them. The first step really is awareness, as they say. 

You might start paying attention to how your body, thoughts, and emotions show up when you’re facing these tasks. Do you feel tension? Brain fog? A sudden urge to walk away or hide under your covers? Slowing down and getting curious about those reactions can help you respond with a little more compassion toward yourself.

From there, this becomes a divide-and-conquer situation. We’re not meant to handle hard things (or heal) alone. If you have access to a support system (friends, family, church members, online cancer buddies, etc.), consider reaching out for help. There’s no shame in letting someone shoulder a bit of the burden.

For example, someone might help organize bills into a spreadsheet, sit with you while you make calls, or help you figure out where to start. Sometimes just having another person nearby can make a task feel far less overwhelming.

If you don’t have that kind of support available right now, you might ask your medical team about connecting with a social worker or nurse case manager. Many oncology teams or insurance plans can help connect patients to someone who can assist with billing issues, financial programs, or simply advocate on their behalf. Having a professional in your corner can make a huge difference.

And finally, when in doubt: one call at a time.

Big mountains look impossible when we try to climb them all at once. Instead of focusing on every task waiting for you, see if you can bring your attention to the next smallest step. Just one. Giving yourself permission to handle the rest later (and maybe even tell yourself that’s a problem for future me!) can lower the overwhelm enough for your brain to move forward with one time. Do that practice enough and you might find that you’ve completed 3-5 next steps!  

You don’t have to solve everything today. One step is still movement.

Rooting for you,

Perrie

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Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s advice column for the questions young adult cancer doesn’t come with instructions for. Community members submit anonymous questions, and Perrie offers thoughtful guidance, perspective, and practical ideas for navigating life during and after cancer.

Enter the Awkward Zone: YAAY 2026 and the Power of Advocacy

It’s March!

 

As you probably know, this month has a lot of things going on – St. Patrick’s Day (the 17th), Read Across America Day (the 2nd), and during this entire month, nominees will be raising money for the Young Adult Cancer Advocate of the Year (YAAY) award!

 

If you didn’t see the nominees, they are:
Mursal Bayaz

Clinton Endeche (Billy)

Tris Grady

Ben McGuerty & Olivia Tai

McKenzie Million 

Samantha Moreno-Ulibarri

Cody Morrison

Janelle Moxley

Emily Recco

Sarah Ross McHenry

 

Yes, I am a nominee again! I will be honest with you guys – I did not expect to be selected! I was expecting a whole new slate of great advocates to be chosen to raise money for Cactus Cancer. However, when I got the email, I had to accept the nomination.

You might be wondering why I accepted it, given my expecting it to be all new people? It’s simple: if you have a voice, if you have a platform, if you have a good story, why not use it? I raised a lot of money last year – $15,513 – I went in expecting to maybe raise $1,000, even though I set my goal at $5,000, I did that just to have an even number of “enough money to pay for 100 kits for workshops”, never expecting to get anywhere near that.

Then I kept getting email after email, notifying me of donations. Soon I sped past $1,000, then $3,000, then I hit $5,000, and even higher and higher (down to the last minute! I had something like 15 donations in the final 15 minutes!) – the amount of supporters I had shocked me. I ended up raising enough to pay for 310 kits! 

Over the past year, since my win, I have had a pretty decent year – I have met up with cancer friends and done some fun things (antiquing, trivia nights, eating tasty food, and other activities). I decided to reach out to my fellow YAAY winner (and friend!) Ashley Landi, and asked her for advice on everyone’s fundraising. She gave me the following advice: “It can be awkward and uncomfortable to ask people for money. Put yourself out there as much as you can because you never know how far of a reach you’ll be able to attain.”

So, if you want to raise money, you need to leave your comfort zone and enter the Awkward Zone!

However, I will tell you that advocacy is hard – you’re putting yourself out there. You are laying yourself bare for the world at large. You are deciding to go completely public with your diagnosis for anyone to find – be it your fifth-grade teacher or your elementary school bully, your work will be one of the first things to show up online about you (…depending on how common your name is). If you are going to tell your story, if you want to become an advocate, you need to craft your story – you want the genuine you to be felt in every word. As an advocate, you want people to feel what you feel and be able to walk in your shoes. You want them to know how the cause you are advocating for makes you feel – make your emotions felt, don’t be cold and clinical like your doctors are when talking about your cancer.

YAAY is about telling your story and spreading the message of Cactus Cancer’s mission. So I have told you guys my story, and you can read the stories of my fellow nominees on their pages, so I reached out to them asking them a question: “So, you’re participating in the YAAY. People know about our cancer experiences from our pages, and some might know us from the YA community at large. What’s something they might not know that you want to share? Maybe one of your hobbies, a TV show you’re enjoying, a song you can’t get out of your head, whatever comes to your mind!”

Janelle: “Lately, I’ve been watching The Traitors and The Beauty. I’m also watching Vanderpump Rules for the first time and really enjoying it! Some new songs I have been listening to are “I Don’t Think It’s The Right Time for Emojis” by Hot Mulligan, “Growing Up” by Hilary Duff, and “Gut Punch” by Nick Jonas. The elder emo in me always goes back to listening to old Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, and Dashboard Confessional, though! I enjoy aerial flow yoga classes and Broadway shows/musicals in my free time. I saw “Dear Evan Hansen” last week at a local theater and “Stereophonic” in downtown Chicago earlier this month.”

Tris: “Something people might not know about me is that I’ve been trying to share my Puerto Rican roots over the last few years with my husband and daughter. I’m half Puerto Rican on my mom’s side, and after losing her last year, I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to share the culture, not only because it’s played such a big part of my life, but because it’s up to me to pass that down to my daughter. We’ve visited the island as often as we can – we most recently were there last summer for Bad Bunny’s residency! I’ve been learning to make some new recipes, reading up on the history of the island, and brushing up on my Spanish (I’m unfortunately a no sabo kid IYKYK).”

Emily: “Something people might not know? I still laugh. A lot. My life is not all heavy conversations and medical terms. There are dance parties in the kitchen, messy school mornings, and moments where cancer feels like background noise instead of the headline. I don’t want cancer to be my whole identity. It’s part of my story — but it’s not the whole book.”

Ben & Olivia: “Olivia and I were lucky enough to work in Hawai’i for six weeks in the summer of 2022. We had such an amazing time, and since then, have made it a point to try and experience more with each trip back. We had our wedding on the Big Island. We have done just about every hike at Hawaiian Volcanoes National Park. We had been up and down and all over the island. However, we had never been lucky enough to be on the island during a volcanic eruption. That is, until our most recent trip. 

We arrived on the island on January 22nd. On the morning of the 24th, there was a little lava visibly overflowing from the vents on the park’s volcano cams, so we started the two-hour drive across the island to see our first eruption. When we were getting close to the park, we could see crazy clouds and colors rising in a dark column. As we arrived at the entrance, ash and pieces of tephra (light pieces of lava, ranging in size from pebbles to beach balls) were falling in the area like new snow. From the overlook at Volcano House, we were able to see two separate 1,500 feet-tall fountains of lava.

It was easily the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. We felt pure joy and adrenaline. Many amazing things happened to us in the past three years of cancer, but those took place amidst crisis and in spite of despair. The natural display of a volcano erupting mirrored our internal release of all the trauma and grief from these three years. We’re still buzzing from the high of the experience, and can’t wait to return to one of our favorite places on Earth.”

Samantha: “Something that everyone may not know about me is that at the age of 30, I had already been skiing for 28 years. My parents decided to start teaching me at 18 months old, so I basically learned it while I learned to walk, and I still love to do it to this day. I assume this long history with the mountains is why I love and miss them so much – whether I’m skiing, hiking, or just basking in their glory, the mountains are my favorite place to be!”

Sarah: “One thing that many people may not know about me is my involvement in the realm of childhood cancer. When I was younger, as a survivor, I had no clue as to the support that had been created for children with cancer. It was not until after my young adult diagnosis and becoming involved in the AYA population. I had never even met another childhood cancer survivor. When attending CancerCon (a conference for AYA cancer) a few years ago, while in conversation with a volunteer with whom I shared that I was a pediatric neuroblastoma survivor, she told me that she actually knew another survivor of neuroblastoma. Through that person, I was put into contact with my now good friend Mariah, who made a huge difference in my life, and through her, I became involved with the Coalition Against Childhood Cancer (which is an awesome organization).  Not long after meeting Mariah, I quickly became involved in CAC2, and have been able to digitally volunteer for the Toolkit that they created, as well as work on other projects that they are doing. Being able to finally meet other pediatric survivors as well as become involved and help, has made a huge positive impact on my life. Two of my all-time favorite bands are Mumford and Sons and Florence and the Machine. I am not one for loud places, especially the slightly chaotic environment of a concert. So far, those have been my two ‘bucket list’ concerts. As Mumford and Sons had broken up a while back, I didn’t think I would get the chance to see them. That changed as they went back out on tour last year, and I was able to go. It would be safe to say that Florence and the Machine is my favorite band, and their music really helped me during my leukemia diagnosis and treatments. I am very excited as I will finally be seeing them live later this year. “

For me, one of my hobbies is genealogy – family history. If you are interested in genealogy and want to learn how to do it, it’s easier than you’d think! You don’t need to pay to do it – not even a free trial somewhere! You can make a free account on Ancestry.com (you do not need a free trial!) and make a tree that is private and unsearchable, then you go to FamilySearch.org and use that to research. For Americans, start out by looking at people who you know were alive in 1949 or earlier – they should be in the 1950 Federal Census. Then you go back from there.

In terms of music? I have been listening to MUSCLE MEMORY by BLÜ EYES (check out her other songs, they might resonate with you – she’s a chronically ill musician) and whatever Spotify has put on my Discover Weekly, Release Radar, and Daylists.

Need a TV show? I’ve been watching The Pitt and Hacks. In case you haven’t seen The Pitt, it’s a medical show that takes place in an ER – each episode takes place over one hour of a shift, and it is very realistic medical-wise (at least from what I have read). Hacks is a dark comedy about an aging Vegas comedian who needs to freshen up her act to keep her show and ends up hiring a writer to help her out. The two bond over time.

Now, if you want to dip your toes into advocacy, you should check out Cancer Nation– they help bring together individuals who are affected by cancer and work with the people who can cause change to help improve the quality of care and life post-diagnosis.

So what if you don’t want to get into advocacy, but you want to help others? I’ve linked to peer support organizations like Imerman Angels and Cancer Hope Network in the past, but some cancer-specific organizations have ones, like Blood Cancer United’s First Connections Program, the Colorectal Cancer Alliance’s Buddy Program, and Young Survival Coalition’s Peer Matchmaking (YSC is a breast cancer organization).

I hope all of you have a wonderful March, and I will talk to you again in April (the first week of April is AYA cancer week!). If anyone has a question for me, wants a specific resource, or wants me to write on a specific topic, message me on Instagram: @codyhatescancer or email programs@cactuscancer.org

Do you have a YAAY nominee you want to support? There are a few ways you can support your favorite nominee(s):

  1. Donate to their campaign! If you can only donate a dollar – donate a dollar!
  2. Share their social media posts!
  3. You can start your own fundraiser and join their team!
  4. Cheer them on! Encourage them on social media, text messages, letter, carrier pigeon, however you want to communicate with them!

How do you do the third one? You click on the link to their page up above, and then click on the green “Fundraise” button next to “Team Members” – put in the information for your page (and make sure to select the person you want to raise funds under! This is very important!), and then you are set up!

Cancer Didn’t Come With Instructions. Ask Perrie.

Young adult cancer comes with pamphlets. Port scars. Schedules. Acronyms. Follow-up appointments. 

It does not come with instructions.

There’s no chapter on how to tell someone your diagnosis, how to handle the grief that comes, or what to do when your family and friends feel like they don’t understand. There isn’t an appendix on dating while bald, marriage while sick, or how to navigate cancer ghosting. You won’t find a flowchart for “Why am I angry even though I’m alive?” You won’t find an FAQ for how to handle caregiving without burning out. And trust me when I say there isn’t a secret footnote explaining why your body feels unfamiliar or why losing your hair feels so emotional. 

And yet, the questions keep coming.

At Cactus Cancer Society, we hear them all the time. In DMs. In workshops. In the pause before someone says, “Okay, this might sound weird but…”

It’s not weird. It’s young adulthood colliding with cancer. And that’s complicated stuff. So I’m making space for the questions that don’t fit neatly into a medical visit, the ones you Google at 2 am, or that you feel scared to say outloud. 

I’m Perrie (okay, it’s me, Lauren Morales, the Senior Program Coordinator writing under a pseudonym!), a licensed clinical social worker and young adult Hodgkin Lymphoma survivor who has spent years working alongside young adults impacted by cancer. I’ve sat in hospital rooms, on both sides of the chair. I’ve been in the infusion rooms and support groups. I’ve also helped support folks throughout their treatment and in the post-treatment “WTF just happened” space. I’ve heard the questions people whisper and the ones they laugh off (I’ve had them myself…..) And I know how isolating it can feel to carry them alone.

Ask Perrie is Cactus Cancer Society’s new advice column for young adults navigating every phase of the cancer experience, from diagnosis to treatment to survivorship to recurrence, and for co-survivors walking alongside them. This isn’t therapy. It’s perspective. Context. Language for the things that feel hard to name. Honest, thoughtful responses grounded in real, lived, and professional experience.

This is where you can ask questions like:

I’m surviving, but I am so sad, and everyone keeps just telling me to be grateful. Does that make me ungrateful?
Is it bad that I can’t listen to my friends complain about “normal” things anymore?
How do I date in this body, and when do I know I’m ready?
Why does everyone think I’m strong when I feel completely and totally exhausted?
How do I deal with my friend ghosting me since I told them I was diagnosed?
How do I support my partner/family member without disappearing myself?
Who even am I now?

Each month, Perrie will answer submitted questions with nuance, compassion, and the occasional gentle reality check. Because you deserve answers that treat you like a whole person, not just a diagnosis. Questions will then be posted online in our blog, socials, and newsletter. 

Submit your question anonymously here.

Cancer didn’t come with instructions. Let’s write some together.

When Cancer Isn’t Just Physical: Taking Care of Your Mental Health

Cancer doesn’t just change your body. It can reshape your identity, your plans, and your connection to the world around you. For many young adults, the emotional side of cancer can hit just as hard (if not harder) as the physical side, and it often lingers long after treatment ends.

Let’s get one thing straight: struggling doesn’t mean you’re weak. You’re responding to an extraordinary situation. The fear of recurrence, the brain fog, the sadness, the grief, the “what now?” questions, they’re normal reactions to an experience that turns life upside down! You are a human going through something extraordinary. 

Before you dive in further into this article, I want to invite you to take a breath and check in with yourself. Notice your emotional weather. If this feels heavy, pause and come back later. This content is here to support you, not overwhelm you, when you are ready. 

Below I’m going to talk about some of the common emotional responses to cancer, some of my lived experience, and recommendations I have to help support yourself inside of these experiences. 

The Emotional Whiplash of Cancer

When you hear “you have cancer,” your body can go into survival mode. Suddenly you are focused on making it to your next round of chemo or radiation, it can be common to feel as though you blinders on to the rest of the world while you navigate treatment. As your body begins to navigate the uncertainty of cancer, you might start to notice mood changes like depression, anxiety, or panic. 

You might feel it as restlessness before scans, dread before appointments, or sadness that doesn’t quite lift. These reactions are common, and I’ve had them! They’re not character flaws, they’re how your mind and body respond to uncertainty and loss. Even if treatment ends, these symptoms can stick around like uninvited guests or amplify. For me, this has felt like emotional whiplash. I went from auto-pilot in treatment to feeling completely overwhelmed in survivorship. 

A quality therapist can help you identify what you’re feeling and give those feelings room to breathe. Healing isn’t about being positive all the time; sometimes it’s about being curious, brave, or just willing to try again tomorrow. Research shows that therapists such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Mindfulness are tools that can help survivors navigate the emotional whiplash of cancer. For me, I’ve found that Somatic therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) to be very helpful in working through trauma. 

And something to remember small steps matter: getting out of bed, texting a friend, or joining a support group all count as movement toward healing.

The Grief That No One Talks About

Cancer brings loss in so many forms: health, independence, fertility, friendships, even the future you once imagined. This kind of grief doesn’t always get the validation it deserves. In psychology we often call this disenfranchised grief: grief that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, socially supported, or that is misunderstood or trivialized. People might say, “At least you’re alive,” when what you really need is validation and, “I know this is hard, I see you.”

Grief after cancer isn’t linear. You might feel peace one day and frustration the next. That’s okay. Think of grief as something you grow around, it doesn’t disappear, but you slowly learn to live alongside it. Grief isn’t a failure to move on. It’s evidence of how deeply you’ve lived, loved, and changed. Making space for your feelings of grief, talking about it with other YAs or survivors can often be an important step in learning how to hold grief compassionately. 

Body Image, Identity, and the Self You See Now

Many survivors struggle to recognize themselves after cancer. Scars, hair loss, swelling, weight changes……they’re visible reminders of what you’ve been through. And sometimes, it’s not just “I look different,” it’s “I feel different.”

Maybe intimacy feels different. Maybe mirrors feel like strangers. Research shows one in three survivors experiences lasting body image distress. These feelings are real and they’re workable.

Therapies that include body awareness, self-compassion, and narrative work can help you rebuild trust with your body. The goal isn’t to “get over it.” It’s to reclaim your story and reconnect with the self you see now.

When the Body Remembers: Medical Trauma

Cancer can be traumatic, period. The diagnosis, the hospital smells, the needles, the waiting rooms. Even years later, certain sounds or places can trigger physical reactions like nausea, panic, or tension. That’s called medical trauma, and it’s common.

You’re not overreacting. Your nervous system learned to protect you. Trauma-informed therapies, like EMDR, somatic work, or CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy), can help your body learn safety again.

You can heal. You can trust your body again. It just takes time and the right kind of support.

Finding a Therapist Who Gets It

You deserve care from someone who understands that cancer doesn’t end when treatment does. A good therapist can help you process what’s happened, rebuild your sense of self, and learn new ways to live meaningfully with what’s changed.

Here’s how to start:

How to Find a Therapist

Search for professionals who specialize in oncology, chronic illness, or trauma.

  • American Psychosocial Oncology Society (APOS): Therapist directory focused on oncology support.

  • Psychology Today and TherapyDen: Let you search by specialty, identity, and location.

  • Inclusive Therapists: A directory centering BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and marginalized communities.

Most cancer centers also have social workers or psychologists who can refer you to trusted providers. And if in-person therapy feels hard to manage, telehealth sessions can make accessing care easier.

What to Look For

Credentials matter, but comfort matters more. Research shows the therapeutic relationship,  how safe and understood you feel,  is the strongest predictor of healing (Wampold & Imel, 2015).

When interviewing therapists, you can ask:

  • Have you worked with people affected by cancer or chronic illness?

  • How do you support clients with medical trauma or scanxiety?

  • What’s your approach to grief or body image?

Trust your instincts. You deserve a therapist who feels like a safe space, not another appointment to endure.

Mental Health Resources for Young Adults Impacted by Cancer

If you’re ready to start looking for support but not sure where to begin, Cactus Cancer Society has compiled a directory of trusted mental health and peer support resources just for young adults impacted by cancer.

Here’s a preview of what you’ll find there:

Inclusive & Culturally Affirming Directories

  • Inclusive Therapists — Find BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and affirming therapists across the U.S.

  • Therapy for Black Girls — A thriving community and therapist directory for Black women and girls.

  • Therapy for Latinx — Connect with Latinx-identifying, culturally responsive therapists.

  • Asian Mental Health Collective — Community and therapist directory focused on reducing stigma in Asian communities.

  • StrongHearts Native Helpline — 24/7 culturally grounded emotional support for Native Americans (1-844-7NATIVE).

Affordable Therapy Options

  • Open Path Collective — Sliding-scale therapy starting around $40–$70 per session.

  • TherapyDen — Inclusive therapist directory with filters for race, gender, and faith.

  • Psychology Today — Comprehensive national therapist directory with location and insurance filters.

Specialized Support

  • Neurodivergent Therapists Collective — For neurodivergent individuals seeking affirming care.

  • HeadsUpGuys — Resources for men’s mental health.

  • Give An Hour — Free counseling for veterans, survivors of violence, and those facing illness.

These resources were chosen with young adults in mind — people who need care that’s flexible, inclusive, and holistic. Take your time exploring. The right fit is out there.

The Strength to Keep Going

Taking care of your mental health isn’t about fixing what’s wrong. It’s about nurturing what’s still growing. You’ve already made it through so much,  that’s resilience! Therapy, support, and community can help you move from just surviving to truly living.

If you’re ready to find support that gets it, explore our full Mental Health & Peer Support Resources for Young Adults Impacted by Cancer. You’re not alone in this. Help is here — and you deserve it.

References

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Bui, K. T., Liang, R., Kiely, B. E., Brown, C., Dhillon, H. M., & Blinman, P. (2021). Scanxiety: A scoping review about scan-associated anxiety. BMJ Open, 11(5), e043215. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2020-043215

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Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.

Niedzwiedz, C. L., Knifton, L., Robb, K. A., Katikireddi, S. V., & Smith, D. J. (2019). Depression and anxiety among people living with and beyond cancer: A growing clinical and research priority. BMC Cancer, 19, 943. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12885-019-6181-4

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