How Do You Tell Your 5 Year Old You Have Breast Cancer?

how do you tell your daughter you have breast cancer

Being a single mother is hard and when you are sick, you are still mommy and on mommy duty no matter what.  London is my 8 year old daughter and when I was diagnosed with breast cancer she was only 5 years old.  I always say that when I was diagnosed, she was too.  London had to go through each and every step of the breast cancer process with me.

This is London’s fight…

When I found out that I had breast cancer, I immediately thought about my 5 year old daughter.  How do you explain to a child that you have cancer?  What it is?  And what it will do to you?  I didn’t know but what I did know was that I had to explain what mommy was about to go through and that she would look different for a while.  After I was diagnosed in May 2013, everything went so fast, I had no time to really think about how I would explain things to London.

I sat London down to explain that mommy was sick and that she had breast cancer.  The first thing that London asked was “Mommy are you going to die?”  That broke my heart!  My baby was scared.  It made me realize that I had to fight and be strong for her.  I explained that I was not going to die and that God had me.  We prayed together and I made sure to explain every step and process to her before things occurred.  I also tried to make sure that her world was not rocked too much because of what I was going through.  She continued to participate in cheerleading and got to to spend time with her friends as much as possible.  In addition to our talks, London was given a book from my Nurse Navigator called Mommy and Me…Taking Care of Each Other.  This book explained the process that I would go through and came with a doll that also went through the process.  After reading the book, I felt like London had a better understanding of what I was going through.

Although she now had a better understanding, it was obvious that what I was going through had a significant impact on her.  When school started in August, London began to act out and she started acting as if she was a baby again (crying, whining, and peeing the bed).  I knew that my baby was hurting but I didn’t know how to help her, so I reached out to her school counselor.  The school counselor told me that sometimes this happens when a child goes through trauma.  She began to see London on a weekly basis so that London would have an outlet.  She would draw pictures of me with no hair and make breast cancer ribbon signs.  I remember London always wanting to sleep with me, to make sure I was okay.  She didn’t even want to spend the night out.  Her behaviors went on for about two months.  Once London started to see that my hair was growing back she began to feel more comfortable.  She knew that mommy was “getting better.”

To this day, London continues to read Mommy and Me…Taking Care of Each Other.  She says that the book helps her feel better when she is sad about the cancer.  Although I am now in remission, she knows that I still have a lot of appointments and medications to take.  She doesn’t tell me but she still fears for me.  Every chance I get, I let her know that I love her and that God is taking good care of mommy.

London is 8 now and has grown so much.  She now wants to help raise money for any type cancer.  When she hears the word cancer she’s jumping to donate.  Cancer hasn’t only changed my life but it’s changed her’s.

How did you involve your kids in your cancer diagnosis, treatments, and recovery?  Did you find any helpful resources or tips along the way?

Welcome Tameka!

Lacuna Loft is excited to continue introducing more young adult voices! These great folks represent a variety of perspectives on the myriad of topics covered here at Lacuna Loft. Before everyone starts really getting into the nitty-gritty of all they have to say, we wanted to introduce them a bit. Without further ado, here is Tameka!

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Tameka Johnson was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) at the age of 13. She had been in remission for over 20 years when she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer at the age of 31. She is a single mother to an intelligent 8 year old little girl.

Her experiences with cancer have taught her a lot about life and has allowed her to meet great people along the way. It is her goal is to advocate, educate, mentor, and support those fighting childhood or breast cancer. She wants to show the world that she not built to break no matter what life throws her way!

Be Your Own Advocate! No Excuses!

be your own advocate

As a 2x breast cancer survivor I just want women to be aware of their breast health and know what’s normal for them. Don’t rely solely on your doctors, take responsibility for your own breast health. Truthfully take responsibility for your health and wellness PERIOD! Most of us don’t see our physicians unless we are sick and even then we sometimes try to just push though. We as women tend to put our own health off because we are so focused on our families, work, and day-to-day life. In order to be at our best we must take the best care of ourselves. You are your own best advocate!

I myself was fairly healthy at the time of my diagnosis. I had a healthy pregnancy the year before, breast-fed my one year old at the time. I feel like I knew my body fairly well. I’m sure my husband would have noticed any thing out of the norm (he’s a breast man… lol). I knew the risks that I faced, my mother being a two-time breast cancer survivor herself. By the way, it’s important to know your family medical history when it comes to breast cancer. In fact I knew that I needed to have a mammogram done for that specific reason alone. I had to wait until I was finished breast-feeding my baby girl before I could have one, so as soon as I could I requested a mammogram. I never felt any lumps or noticed anything out of the norm for me, so I had absolutely no worries. Low and behold the doctor saw some micro calcification on my images in the left breast and sent me for a biopsy which resulted in my initial diagnosis.

Screenshot_2015-03-14-10-01-48-1

image via Keep A Breast

My second diagnoses came six months later. I had an intense itch on the right breast around the nipple and areola and thought that it was just an allergic reaction to the clothing detergent I was using. I also had a milky discharge and thinking it was due to having breast-fed my baby. After a couple of weeks of these symptoms going on I felt like something just wasn’t right. I made an appointment with my breast surgeon to figure out what was going on. She didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary, but with my persistence, ordered a mammogram and ultrasound. Both came back not showing anything abnormal. I still insisted that something was not right, I knew in my heart something was wrong. I had an upcoming surgery to have breast reduction on the right breast to become more symmetrical after my left breast mastectomy. This decision most likely saved my life. I knew that breast tissue is typically sent to pathology for testing, especially after a breast cancer diagnosis. Thank God for my plastic surgeon, he did just that! That lead to my second diagnosis of breast cancer. It’s so important to know what’s normal for you and to make yourself be heard by your doctors. No one knows your body like you do.  Please, advocate for yourself, you may be the one that saves your own life!

I am by no means a doctor, I can only share my experiences and what I’ve learned through my journey.

Did self-advocacy make a difference in your cancer diagnosis or cancer care?  Always speak up for yourself!

Boobs To Noobs

Getting breasts is one of the hallmarks of becoming a woman, but for most of our lives, they’re merely decorative. In the case of men, I believe their’s are God’s way of reminding them their embryos started out as female, to help connect them with the female experience, or maybe they’re just a Darwinian fluke. For whatever reason, everyone has them.

In the quarter of a century I had in bras, I only used my boobs for their biological purpose for four and a half months. Then a cancer cell found a nice home to reproduce in inside one of my stretched out milk ducts, and those biddies had to go.

Up until that point in my adult life, I had always had a great self-image. It took eighteen years to get comfortable with my body, but once I did, I was loving it. “Powers” by Blackalicious could best describe how I felt about my wonderful anatomy.

Becoming a mother was a bit of a hit to how I felt about my body. My daughter was a week late, and in that last week my abs gave out and all my stretchmarks came at once and my belly just sagged. But I started cycling to work, and getting back to feeling awesome, and then cancer came along and shattered my positive feelings about my physical appearance.

The first thing that happened was my long, lustrous hair started falling out in clumps, so I shaved my head. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t even see my own face, but I started to wear wig and I felt a bit better.

Next my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. It is amazing how much this further changed the appearance of my face. Without this hair to define my eyes, I just looked sick.

Then, I gained a lot of weight. That’s right! I always thought people on chemo lost weight, but not me, I was on steroids, so for the first time in my life I felt a ravenous hunger, and because I was at home and feeling sorry for myself, I just went with it.

And to top it all off my chest went from shapely to concave. I told myself before I had the surgery, that I might actually look forward to being flat-chested; no bras to worry about, and I could exercise without the discomfort of jiggling. But when I went out in public with my new look, passersby could not hide their looks of revulsion.

A fat, disfigured, bald woman with no eyebrows or eyelashes was not pleasing to the eyes of the general public. I even had a couple of people mistake me for a woman who was trying to transition into a man.

So armored in my wig, make up, and knitted knockers, I found people were able to look at me and smile again.

side-by-side

But bras don’t work properly without real breasts. They will ride all the way up to your armpits if you don’t work on keeping them in place. Also, you can’t exercise in knitted prosthetics, and even after I joined a women-only gym, I still got stares. I felt like I needed to wear a shirt that said, “I had breast cancer”, so people wouldn’t have to look and stare at me in wonder.

I’d like to be able to tell my daughter that appearances don’t matter, but judging people by their appearance is an evolutionary instinct. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s how all of the people you encounter on a daily-basis who don’t know you personally, will experience you. It’s why fashion and cosmetics are industries.

Of course, there is always the option of not caring what other people think, but I tried it, and it doesn’t work for me.  I’m an extrovert.

So I’ve decided to have incredibly invasive plastic surgery, where they will cut new breasts out of my belly fat and sew them onto my chest. I don’t know if I will ever feel like I have my powers back, but I hope my noobs will give me the power to be able to feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit in public this summer.

Have you had a similar experience following your mastectomy?  Did you decide on reconstruction?

Interview With Cancer Survivor Jenn!

breast cancer survivor

Today we are continuing with one of our features, personal interviews!  You can read our past interviews here.  Today Cactus Cancer Society talks with cancer survivor, Jenn.  She is a two-time breast cancer survivor, talks to us about her book, parenting during a cancer diagnosis, and so much more!

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Cactus Cancer Society: When were you diagnosed and what is your diagnosis?

Jennifer: I found a lump in my breast in 2007 when I was 38. I assumed it was a cyst, it felt rubbery – not rock hard. I figured it would go away after I got my period – but it didn’t. I had gone for a mammogram 18 months prior (as a baseline and it was normal) so I called the imaging center at my husband’s urging (he didn’t like the way it felt at all) and they took me right away. After the mammo they sent me down for an ultrasound…and I began freaking out. No one would tell me anything – but they kept patting my shoulder. I knew it wasn’t going to be good news. A core needle biopsy came back inconclusive but two weeks later the surgical biopsy revealed invasive ductal breast cancer, stage IIA.

CCS: How did you feel when you were first diagnosed?

J: I was so deeply in denial. I really couldn’t wrap my head around it. I felt like I was telling a lie each time I told someone about my diagnosis. I thought breast cancer only ran in families or only happened to women over 40. I was clearly mistaken and I had a lot to learn. My surgeon told me that because the mass was contained and relatively small I would be a candidate for a lumpectomy. Fine by me – get it out, get it over with was my mindset. Once I saw an oncologist though he kept using the words aggressive and fast growing. Which made me nervous. I just wanted to get through treatment and get on with my life. I had no idea that my life would never be the same.

CCS: Who/what/where did you turn to?

J: I had terrific support from my family and friends but none of them had any experience with breast cancer. I went online and the pages I was directed to were terrifying and filled with statistics I was not ready to know yet. I struggled to find books or support groups geared toward young women. Everything I found was aimed at older women and the advice was to look at this as a gift, slow down, retire, and enjoy the grandkids. What the WHAT??? I had little boys at the time (age 9 and 11). This wasn’t a gift, gifts make people happy, cancer makes people cry. And retire? I was just getting my career back on track after taking a few years off while my boys were babies. Nothing made sense to me. I wanted to know what treatment would really be like, because in my head getting chemo meant that once the drip started I would immediately begin throwing up and all my hair would fall out at once in the doctors office, (clearly I’ve watched too much Lifetime television).

CCS: What (if any) additional outlets could you have used/turned to that you do not feel you had at the time?

J: I eventually found support at my local Cancer Support Community but typically I was the youngest of the bunch. There were only about three of us under 40 and in active treatment. There are so many wonderful resources that exist now that didn’t in 2007. Facebook groups and online support groups like Cure Diva and the LBBC both of whom also have a strong Facebook following.

CCS: How did you choose to share your diagnosis with your children?

J: Once we knew the stage and planned treatment we told them in very simple, honest terms that were age appropriate. I was diagnosed two days before my youngest son’s birthday so we waited until after his birthday to tell them both. They knew something was going on because I’d been home from work for over a week and we wanted to make sure they heard it directly from us rather than over hearing a conversation or voicemail message that would frighten them. We sat them down after dinner and explained that a few weeks prior mommy found something hard in her chest and when you feel something in your body that doesn’t feel right you go to the doctor to get it checked out. I told them that I went to the doctor and he ran tests and did a small operation and found out that I have breast cancer. I explained I was going to take medicine that might make me sick and tired and my hair might fall out but it would grow back in again. Very, very hard conversation to have, I felt like I stole their childhood away from them. They were amazing though, lots of hugs and kisses and support – even still to this day as young men!

CCS: What was your biggest parenting challenge during cancer treatment and into survivorship?

J: I lost my job during treatment so I used the opportunity to volunteer at their schools and participate as team mom for the sports they played. Yea, I was the bald mom at football practice and in art class but I used it as a teaching moment for all the kids. Some asked to see my head without my hat or scarf and I happily obliged. I wanted my kids to know that no matter what I’d still be their mom and I’d always be there for them. The toughest part though was when another child told one of mine that I was probably going to die. I had to do a lot of damage control, I certainly couldn’t predict the future but I couldn’t have my kids living in fear either. I always tell them (still to this day) I’m fine right now.

CCS: Any words of wisdom to other young adult cancer survivor moms (and dads) out there?

J: Break everything down into two categories; what you can control and what you cannot control. A cancer diagnosis makes you feel very out of control. You cannot control the treatment or the surgeries or how you will feel but there will still be things in your life that you can control so focus on that. It helps to feel empowered. Also, take it one day at a time. Rest when you need to, listen to your body, and take care of yourself first and foremost. You’re allowed to be selfish, you’ve earned it.

CCS: What kinds of things did you do to distract yourself when you were going through treatments (either at home or at the hospital… Or both)?

J: I began writing the book I needed to read. As I said earlier I couldn’t find a book that I could relate to and I had also lost my job while I was in treatment. I began keeping notes and eventually thought if I recorded, honestly, what it was like for me to go through treatments as a young mom then maybe I could make a pamphlet to help others. Once I hit over 100 pages I realized that my pamphlet was going to be a book. Does This Outfit Make Me Look Bald? was published in 2012, at the same time as my 5th cancerversary. I also listened to music, watched movies and napped – a lot!

CCS: How did you decide to start blogging about your experiences?

J: Interestingly enough, when I was promoting my book I had decided to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Since my initial diagnosis I had several false alarms (benign growths) and I also had a complication of severe radiation deformity, which was physically and emotionally painful, it had become too much to bear. During the MRI prior to the surgery they found a small cancerous lesion at my lumpectomy sight. It was not a recurrence but a brand new cancer with different properties than the first one, this can happen 20% of the time – I had no idea. I knew the drill at this point though. I booked a haircut and a bilateral mastectomy on the same day. Once I was home and on disability leave I began blogging to help me process what I had been through and to keep my friends updated, it was incredibly cathartic. Since I had become such an outspoken advocate for empowering young women with breast cancer I had made multiple media contacts that had promoted my book I ended up with several sites running my blogs too.

CCS: Could you describe how sharing your story has affected your journey with Cancer?

J: I’ve helped women that I’ve never met and that means the world to me. I have no idea why or how I got cancer once – never mind twice. I always felt that if I could make the road a bit smoother for someone else then all the stuff I went though makes sense. I needed to give back to others and help them through my own experience. I have a Facebook fan page for the book where I post current articles about research, blogs (my own and others that I like), and also a lot of humor – because I know that during my darkest days I still wanted to laugh. I needed to find some humor. Being sick is so damn scary and so serious that on the days I laughed I felt like I was taking a vacation from cancer. I’m also a National Cancer Survivor’s Day (NCSD) recommended speaker; which is pretty cool. I’m asked to give about 4 or 5 speeches a year – and I love knowing that those talks reach even more people than my book and blogs do.

CCS: Where are you now in your journey with Cancer?

J: I’m fine until a doctor tells me otherwise. My blood work gets checked every six months and I see my surgeons once a year. I still deal with mild PTSD but I have my coping tools so I know how to manage that. I’m both a 9 year and 3 year survivor.

CCS: What do you like to do in your spare time?

J: I live near the beach so if the weather is nice – my toes are in the sand! I like to run a few times a week while listening to very loud music. I continue to write my blogs and I’m also working on a fictional novel. I also love going out to dinner with my husband and kids.

CCS: What “words of wisdom” and/or advice would you give any young adult facing Cancer or another life-threatening illness?

J: You’ll be amazed by your strength and you’ll have far more good days than bad so relish those. Breathe deep, relax, laugh and love in equal measure and cherish yourself first and foremost. Listen to your doctors and partner with them, be your own best advocate. And if you feel as if they are dismissive…fire them! You get to be the boss of cancer.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jenn!  Look forward to a few more pieces from Jenn soon!

Are you a young adult cancer survivor, caregiver, or do you have a long term illness?  Interested in being interviewed by Lacuna Loft?  Let us know!  We’d love to hear from you!

Welcome Claire!

Lacuna Loft is excited to continue introducing more young adult voices! These great folks represent a variety of perspectives on the myriad of topics covered here at Lacuna Loft. Before everyone starts really getting into the nitty-gritty of all they have to say, we wanted to introduce them a bit. Without further ado, here is Claire!

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Claire DiCenzo is a breast cancer survivor of 18 months. She was diagnosed at the early age of 29, and finished treatment right after her 30th birthday. In those short 6 months, she learned more about herself and life than she could have ever imagined.  Claire is a first grade teacher in Connecticut and has been teaching for 8 years. She loves each day with her students, as they shed new and exciting light with their perspective on the world. It was important to her to continue working throughout her treatment. She currently lives with her boyfriend and their small dog, Zuma. She knew before being diagnosed that “Everything happened for a reason,” but now even more than ever she knows that that statement is her mindset to live by.

You can find her own blog, here!

A Young Woman’s Breast Cancer Story Told Through Film

When I was diagnosed a good friend of mine leant me her camcorder and gently encouraged me to film myself throughout my treatment. At first I thought ‘who the hell wants to watch that!’ but I soon picked the camera up and treated it like a diary. Every time I wanted to release an emotion or express a feeling I could just talk to the camera or record a voice memo on my phone. It became so cathartic. Sometimes you don’t want to talk to anyone because that person might not understand or might get too emotional or too sympathetic when all you want to do is scream, swear and cry hysterically in private.

I didn’t look back at any of the footage until a good few months after I’d finished all my treatment. I wasn’t sure what to expect and was quite nervous of it conjuring up bad memories. But in fact there were loads of great memories! Cancer can be very funny. I’m a pretty basic human being and I never tire of toilet humour!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month every October is a wonderful thing. It raises awareness and a heap of money but I couldn’t help noticing pink stuff everywhere. Beautiful celebrities wearing pink lacy underwear, pink merchandise, pink food, pink smiles. Cancer is anything but pink and fluffy. And I wanted my film to show the truth. How one day you can be feeling wonderful and glamorous in your wig and painted eyebrows but the next day you feel like death warmed up and you look like Gollum!

But I also wanted to make this film to show fellow cancer patients out there that you can get through this and you’re not alone. It’s OK to have rubbish days where you can’t get out of bed and hate the world but there are always days when you can put on your sequins and purple wig and live the hell out of life!

How have you shared your survivorship story with others?

Welcome Charlene “Shar”! My Story, My Journey, My Testimony

Lacuna Loft is excited to continue introducing more young adult voices! These great folks represent a variety of perspectives on the myriad of topics covered here at Lacuna Loft. Before everyone starts really getting into the nitty-gritty of all they have to say, we wanted to introduce them a bit. Without further ado, here is Charlene!

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Hello All! My name is Charlene and I am a wife, a mom of 3 amazing kids (ages 23, 14, and 4) and a 2x breast cancer SURVIVOR. I was diagnosed February 1, 2013, a couple of weeks before my birthday. Some birthday present huh! My cancer was ER/PR positive in the left breast. I was diagnosed very early so I had options, either a lumpectomy with radiation or mastectomy. I chose the latter. You see, my mom is also a breast cancer survivor, diagnosed at ages 32 and 65, so that played a big role in my decision. We are both did genetic testing and tested BRCA negative, so I decided to just have a single mastectomy. I was trying to save what I thought was a healthy right boob (to my surprise not so much). I had immediate reconstruction, I went with a TRAM flap. Somehow, after all of that surgery, I felt that I should have just gone ahead and done a bilateral mastectomy rather than the single. I knew in my soul that something just wasn’t right.  After having my mastectomy and recon on April 1, 2013, I had breast reduction on the right breast only to find out that there was cancer in that breast as well. My right breast was Triple Negative (TNBC). So 20 days after having a brand new perky boob, I was back in surgery to have my second mastectomy, again with immediate reconstruction. This time with my reconstruction I had to go with a LAT flap (latissimus dorsi). Since then I’ve had a ton of surgeries, from implants to revisions, I have about half a dozen scars to show for it. I’m not ashamed of my scars, I have come to embrace them. They are apart of who I have become, behind my scars is my story, my journey, my testimony. Breast cancer has forever changed me, and it is my goal to be an inspiration to others. I am my sister’s keeper!

Feeling Beautiful

I have a much different definition of beauty now, after surviving breast cancer, chemotherapy, and a failed breast reconstruction attempt, than I did before my breast cancer diagnosis.

Before my diagnosis, I loved my long hair, and so did my oldest son, Ethan. Ironically, I had been growing my hair out to donate it to cancer patients so it was getting rather long. I’m happy to say that I was still able to donate my hair. But I was worried about how Ethan would deal with the loss of my hair, so prior to my first chemo appointment, I talked to a child psychologist. I mean, how do you explain cancer and chemo to a five year old? The child psychologist advised me to be honest with Ethan and explain to him that I am sick but I will be ok but the medicine I have to take will make my hair fall out. And she suggested that we make a party out of shaving my head. We invited friends and family over and my mom began cutting my hair. Poor Ethan! He cried and yelled, “Mommy’s not beautiful anymore!” My mom kept assuring him that I was still beautiful and always would be. My husband, Brian, also shaved his head and we asked Ethan if he wanted to shave his too, but he declined. He said his hair was too pretty to cut off! He does have nice hair, but I learned quickly that it is not the hair that makes a person beautiful.

One of the worse parts of chemo for me was the bone pain. My bones hurt so bad that I couldn’t sleep at night. To find some relief, I would soak in the bath tub. Brian would sit into the bathroom with me, in the soft glow of a night light. It would have been so romantic if I wasn’t bald, boobless, and bloated. I certainly didn’t feel beautiful, but to Brian, I was his beautiful wife.
Jamie and brian

When a woman has a bilateral mastectomy like I did, the next step is often reconstruction. For me, surviving breast cancer wasn’t as difficult as surviving a failed reconstruction attempt. Infection set in and I started having blood pressure issues. I was transported to a bigger hospital in Chicago in the middle of the night and things were touch and go for a while. My doctors told me I could try a reconstruction again after six months, but after all I had gone through, I decided reconstruction wasn’t for me. And Brian didn’t want me to have it done either. I decided I need to embrace the chest I have. Scars can be beautiful. I asked a friend who is a body artist to paint on my chest and I posed for topless pictures featuring my scars and her art. I nervously took a chance and posted these pictures on social media during October, breast cancer awareness month. The feedback was overwhelming. I was surprised at the number of people who praised my courage and called my photograph beautiful.

body paint

After my breast cancer diagnosis, I spent a lot of time reading and researching about all the chemicals that are in commonly used items, such as cleaning supplies, personal hygiene items, and food. Scary stuff! We are unaware of what is in the products we buy and we are unaware of safer alternatives. So I threw away EVERYTHING in my house that contained chemicals, and immediately stopped using deodorant and other skin products. While I was detoxifying my body, I didn’t know what alternatives there were to commercial health and beauty products. One day, my mom took me aside and told me that I stunk, literally! And on top of that, my face was an oily, acne mess. Was it possible, I thought, to be beautiful and chemical-free? I turned my research efforts to finding healthy, chemical-free alternatives that were as effective as the commercially made ones. I then began making my own chemical-free, aluminum-free, paraben-free deodorant and tweaking the recipe until I settled on a product that worked. This was really the start of what would become my business, Spero-Hope, LLC.

jartops

Please remember that this post is the opinion of the author and should not be replaced for actual medical advice or attention.  Please learn more before making lifestyle changes yourself.  Lacuna Loft supports healthy living, whether chemical-filled or chemical-free!  Find what works best for you!

These Boots Are Made For Kicking Cancer In The A$$

December 14 was my three year diagnos-aversary.

In 2012, I was 33 year years old and a stay-at-home mom with two small boys, ages 2 and 5. Life was good, until I found a lump in my breast. My first thought was, “Holy crap, this is breast cancer.” And my heart just stopped. It’s strange, but I knew immediately it was breast cancer. I guess it was just a gut feeling. My doctor wasn’t so sure. She told me not to worry because, she explained, since the lump was painful, it most likely wasn’t cancer but a cyst. Just to be on the safe side, she sent me to have an ultrasound.

The ultrasound revealed a mass but my doctor said it could be just fibroid adenoma. Again, to rule out cancer, my doctor scheduled a biopsy. For everyone else, the date 12-12-12 was a lucky day, but not for me. That was the day of my biopsy. I was told the results would be ready, two days later, on December 14. I woke up that morning and had my first ever panic attack. I told my husband, Brian, that he had to call in sick to work and stay home with me. He asked why and I told him because the doctor was going to tell me I have breast cancer. I was so freaked out that I called the doctor’s office three times and each time, they told me the biopsy results weren’t back yet. Then I got in my car and drove to the doctor’s office. They still didn’t have the results, but they did give me a prescription for Xanax to help with my anxiety. Finally, at three o’clock in the afternoon, I got the call I knew was coming and the official diagnosis of breast cancer.

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One year later, on December 14, 2013, I was adjusting to the new norm. I had 12 surgeries that first year, four rounds of chemotherapy, had my ovaries removed, and endured a painful and life-threatening reconstruction fail, but I was cancer-free. That’s when Brian gave me my first diagnos-aversary gift of a pair of shoes. He told me it was to celebrate how I kicked cancer’s butt. The next year, Brian bought me a pair of pink Uggs…another year I kicked cancer! This year, for my three-year diagnos-aversary, my husband got me a pair of Sorel boots. I look forward to many more pairs of shoes coming my way in the future as I continue to kick cancer to the curb!

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