Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, and Chapter 9.

We’ve finished this book!  That means that it’s time for our online book club discussion.  Join us for an hour-long, online video chat discussion of Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved on October 7th, 5:30-6:30 pm PT / 7:30-8:30 pm CT / 8:30-9:30 pm ET.

Interested in joining? Sign up here!  (Just fill out the form and make sure to choose Book Club under the ‘Programs you’re interested in’ section.)  (If you’re already done this, you’ll be emailed automatically with the zoom link you’ll need to join.)

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, and Chapter 8.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 9: Ordinary Time

Commentary by Carol Anne P.:

I really didn’t like this book the first time I read it, so what possessed me to read it a second time and agree to write about it is anyone’s guess.

I suppose I should first confess to you that I am a lost and found, cradle Catholic, aching with the bewilderment and deep feeling of loss I have grappled with over these last nine years, the last three in particular. The concept of the prosperity gospel makes me angry. What could I possibly have done in these 46 years of my life that would doom me to the horrors of these last nine years? Do we really believe in a God so vengeful he would smite us with disease and death? 

But, reading this time around I’ve gone back to church, gone to confession, I’ve even joined the church choir. I feel less bewildered, less estranged from God, but still, this life living in the in-between is hard. But, nine years later I am still here and that’s not nothing. There is an acceptance in this chapter that I have yet to reach. I too live in the every-two-month, life in between universe. On this read, I sobbed my way through this chapter. I was incredibly angry the first time around. I thought to myself, so he will raise you up on the last day, but where is he during the fall; this fear-filled life in between spent facing our mortality on an all-too-often basis? Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve yet made peace or found a way to understand or answer this question even now that I am back to church. I suppose you could say during the fall he is in the people who are there for us at scans and treatments and appointments during which we learn which way the pendulum has swung. I suppose you could say he is in the moments of comfort and clarity that wash over us from time-to-time. I believe the author writes with faith, that though questioning and analytical, is still intact. There’s still a lot about this book that I don’t like, or more precisely, don’t agree with but in this second, and honestly third, (I went back and re-read this chapter before writing this tonight) I find myself raging less of God, the author, the circumstances that brought us all to this book, and something closer to maybe acknowledgment that there are no answers in the universe and I suppose we are just going to have to be okay with that for now.

Commentary by Leasha T.:

Join in next Monday for the final step of this round of the young adult cancer book club!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 9: Ordinary Time of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler! Join in next Monday for the final step of this round of the young adult cancer book club!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, and Chapter 7.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 8: Restoration

Commentary by Sarah H.:

I feel that I have had so many moments in the book where I have related to what Kate was saying. One that really stood out was in chapter 8 when she is talking to her mother in law and says “I think aging is a fucking privilege.” I find myself saying and thinking this a lot more since diagnosis. I cringe when I hear people complaining about new grey hairs or comparing what anti aging new thing they are trying. I feel we live in a society that is so afraid to get old, but none of them take a step back to look at the alternative. I find myself often telling people “getting old is my big goal in life and I am working really hard to achieve it.” I have had friends tell me that this perspective has made them take a step back and really think. A friend decided to grow her hair out and see what it looks like naturally. She has a clump of white right near the front that looks beautiful. She tells people “it is my badge of honor to show people what I have been through and what others don’t get to experience.” It sucks that it takes a serious diagnosis like cancer to get people to step back and think, but I will use my diagnosis to change others views.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 9: Ordinary Time!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 8: Restoration of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, and Chapter 6.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 7: Certainty

Commentary by Mary Clare B.:

“The horror of cancer has made everything seem like it is painted in bright colors. I think the same thoughts again and again: Life is so beautiful. Life is so hard.”

The chapter Certainty is overflowing with moments of joy meeting the madness of rationalizing death and dying. Kate is in treatment and is spending her time writing about her experience and on a whim submits a piece to the NY Times and is published. Her work is seen and reacted to my many readers with divergent perspectives on her role as a cancer patient. Those that write to her are often sharp with their words and come with a message. She neatly places them in three camps: The Teachers, The Minimize-rs and the Solutions People. The Teachers are looking for a lesson in her suffering, the Minimizers are comparing her suffering to those in far worse circumstance, and lastly, the Solutions People are prescribing positively at shrill volumes. But there are the scant few letters she receives which don’t fall neatly into a box– often people sharing their own experiences with cancer or life-changing events. These people simply wish her well and bring the comfort that our struggle is universal.

At this point in the book, I was hungry for reflection and to have the narrative slow down. I struggled with this book because I am not particularly interested in the prosperity gospel. The writing style is lacking something I cannot easily put my finger on but it comes down to rushed prose and a lack of depth. To be completely honest, I am also wildly jealous of her large family and seemingly never-ending supply of friends and colleagues at her side. This chapter changed some of that for me and I was fascinated by her depictions of the letter writers and her feelings of floating on gratitude and joy. I remember so well those days of feeling so cared for, loved and if this was the end, then okay.

Commentary by Jessica B.:

This chapter focused on Kate’s life as she started going through treatment. This is when first writes about her cancer experience for the New York Times and faces a flurry of responses from the public, some seemingly helpful, but others, not so much. It doesn’t really benefit anyone to hear how someone else’s life went so much better than their own. From these responses, Kate finds 3 life lessons that people seem to be trying to teach her.

The first lesson comes from a group of people she dubs the “Minimizers”. These people seem to want to teach the lesson that she shouldn’t be upset about her diagnosis because the significance of death is relative. They think she shouldn’t worry so much about the end of her life because there is a larger picture that is more important. I can’t say I ever personally encountered anyone who tried to react in this manner, but I also didn’t write an article about my cancer that was published in the New York Times.

The second lesson comes from a group of people dubbed the “Teachers” who want to teach the lesson that this experience is supposed to be an education in mind, body, and spirit. They think, somehow, she’s supposed to end up learning from this experience, when really all she wants is a straightforward response about how much this all sucks. I also didn’t really encounter anyone who expected me to learn any great life lessons from having cancer or to have any great revelations from the experience.

The last group of people is dubbed the “Solutions People”. These people seem disappointed that Kate isn’t saving herself. They talk about how attitude is all she needs to make it all better. While I don’t necessarily agree with this 100%, I do think it helps to have a positive attitude. If you just give up, then even if your time is limited, you won’t be able to make the most of it.

It certainly makes sense that none of these “life lessons” are particularly helpful, but even while she was being flooded with unhelpful letters from strangers, Kate felt like she was floating on all of the love and prayers of the people around her. All of the advice she was receiving was nowhere near as helpful as just having the people she cared about around her as she went through treatment. I think that’s probably true for a lot of people. A cancer diagnosis has the ability to either bring out the best or the worst in people. Sometimes support comes from unexpected places. I received messages of support from high school classmates that I hadn’t seen in almost 15 years. My coworkers at a job I had only had for 2 months when I got my diagnosis were quick to jump in with offers of rides to treatment and grocery shopping trips when I needed them. They even organized a meal train when I wasn’t expecting it. All of the different types of people may think they know best, but really, when it comes down to it, sometimes just being there to show support makes all the difference.

Commentary by Krista L.:

I think after a cancer diagnosis everyone experiences the well-meaning neighbor, friend, or even health provider who makes some sort of statement close to, “everything happens for a reason.” Even if it’s something I believe, I don’t think it’s something others should tell me. Even if they don’t know what else to say. Kate’s husband answers this head on with the great line of, “I’d love to hear it…the reason my wife is dying…” And for that, I loved Chapter 7.

I think it also hits the nail on the head about a few things, but even generally speaking, once I was diagnosed with cancer, I started getting lots of different comments like these. Not to the extent Kate does, but I think she talks very well about the things that people said and wrote that helped her and the things that did not. Also, it sheds some light on something that I have had a hard time putting a finger one. Once I was diagnosed and started telling people, I felt like I was thrust onto this stage where people were giving me lots of advice and stories to make me feel better, and then watching my every move to see what I did with it. It’s a strange feeling and I think Kate does a good job of explaining why these advisors and stories didn’t necessarily help her personally. “My problems can’t be solved by those formulas-those cliches-when my life was never generic to begin with. God may be universal, but I am not.”

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 8: Restoration!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 7: Certainty of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and Chapter 5.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 6: Christmas Cheer

Commentary by Yolanda M.:

This chapter opens up with Kate talking about how much her family loves Christmas which. She discussed how this Christmas she was looking for a miracle in regards to her colon cancer. As they were setting a course for her treatment, waiting for test results to see what kind of cancer cells they were dealing with, she finds out she has “Magic Cancer” and qualifies for a clinical trial. She starts everything in motion but soon finds out that her insurance wont cover the clinical trial and the cost is far more than she can afford. It is here she is faced with a tough decision, does she take money from her parents which is their savings and retirement? She doesn’t want to bankrupt her family all to save her life.

Kate remembers back to her Christmas services back in Canada and she fondly remembers her old Sunday School teacher Carol who shares that she has cancer. Carol’s faith spoke of knowing God better through her battle with cancer. Once Kate set up her own home with the trimmings of Christmas, its then she realizes that she doesn’t just want to know God better, but she she also wants to save her family.

In a desperate attempt to get into the clinical trial Kate contacts 2 professors she knows connected to the hospital, telling them she has been turned down by insurance and she is grasping for straws. Within 24 hours, Kate receives emails from far and wide stating that she will no longer have any issues with insurance coverage, her family is spared and her life may be saved!

With her insurance issues out of the way, Kate moves forward with seeing if she qualifies for the clinical trial. After she completes the initial tests, she starts to think about the phrase she shouted to her father out of frustration “I am not a normal person!” She questions if who she portrays to be on social media is who she really is – the person who thinks she can save herself. As she goes through chemo she despises her body and hair yet she posts on Facebook pretty selfies and nicknames her chemo pack “Jimmy” all in hopes to hide the ugliness of chemo. She didn’t want to be seen as just another cancer patient.

Commentary by Sharon L.:

Christmas is coming and Kate is awaiting some Christmas cheer. Here she is, having spoken with the palliative care doctor and received the news that she can either maybe live, die almost immediately, or have a magic cancer. The magic cancer means that she may qualify for a clinical trial. So now the Christmas cheer that Kate awaits is the news of which type of cancer cells she has.

Fortunately, she has the magic cancer, but then she receives the bad news that her insurance does not cover it and it will cost $100,000 to begin the trial. Her father, who will do anything for his daughter, tells her that they have the money. In all honesty, her family has agreed to liquidate their assets, which would leave them in a bind. Kate, not able to live with herself if they did that, turns to her colleagues, who, with their connections are able to get her in the trial.

So, Kate and her father drive down to Atlanta for the initial testing to see if she qualifies for the clinical trial. The chapter ends with Kate having her father take a picture of her at the sign for the cancer clinic as they leave, so that when she gets in the trial people can see her in the moment. It was a good thing that he did take that photo because she does qualify for the clinical trial.

This chapter was very difficult for me to read because the second time I was diagnosed it was November and I had to wait two weeks for the hospital to decide what type of cancer I had and what kind of treatment I would need. Since this was the second time I had cancer, I already felt guilty because my family had spent so much money on me and we couldn’t take vacations and I couldn’t do anything about it. But, my father was always there for me, taking me back and forth to appointments and treatments, trying to make me laugh.
I really think that there is some truth to that sign in the cancer clinic at Emory that said Laughter is the Best Medicine.

Commentary by Juliette K.:

In this chapter, Kate is praying for a Christmas miracle. She’s hoping for a diagnosis that she has a 3% chance of, that will allow her into clinical trials. She gets the “magic cancer” diagnosis she hoped for, then she can’t cover the cost of the trials. Her insurance won’t cover it and she doesn’t want to bankrupt her family so she calls some friends at the university and they pull some strings to get her treatment funded.

She talks humorously about her unending false positivity and she is beginning to realize that it’s not serving her.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 7: Certainty!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 6: Christmas Cheer of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and Chapter 4.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 5: Surrender

Commentary by Michal N.:

Chapter 5 picks up where chapter 1 left off, when Kate is about to have surgery for colon cancer (“the second-least sexy cancer…At least it’s not rectal cancer.”). After the surgery, she is relieved to find out that she won’t need a colostomy bag. The bad news is that her stage IV diagnosis makes her, in her words, “a spaghetti bowl of cancer.” She observes that bad news in the hospital is delivered by a “green” doctor (the most anxious type) at 4 AM, when they start rounds – not ideal circumstances for discussing how long you have left to live. Yet she has a surprising reaction to all of this – feelings of love towards everybody around her. “Drugged Kate” is very vocal about her feelings and full of life advice. She enjoys having visitors and especially appreciates “the power of touch” (as opposed to people’s words) – something she has in common with the prosperity gospel believers she has studied for her doctoral dissertation. But she feels lonely between visitors, and misses her Mennonite community in Canada, particularly “how wonderful they are at suffering together.” She is especially traumatized by the idea that her young child will grow up without her.

The title of this chapter is “Surrender”, which she notes is a positive quality for many Christians but a negative one for prosperity gospel believers. To them, “surrendering” means giving up, and they believe they have the power to will things into existence through sheer faith. As a young person with a serious cancer diagnosis, she seems to acknowledge that much of what they believe in is absurd, yet something about their message of hope speaks to her. Likewise, though she understandably seems wary of the food and herbal supplement “cures” her friends try to force upon her, she admits that she is (perhaps against her better judgment) drawn to the idea of being, or feeling, in control. As a child, she admired Sisyphus, even though his persistence is not usually thought of as something to be admired. She says about the prosperity gospel believers, “They are addicted to self-rule, and so am I.” I think this is something probably all cancer patients, and anyone who has experienced any kind of trauma, struggles with. It is very easy to blame oneself for things one has no control over, even while knowing that bad things happen to good people all the time. It is also easy to be tempted by any promise of a cure, even if its effectiveness is dubious. Kate is clearly very self-aware and has a good sense of humor about the reality she’s faced with. Sometimes the humor is very dark: “I am preparing for death and everyone else is on Instagram.” Yet it is comforting to read her thoughts, which I am sure many of us can relate to.

Commentary by Betsy B.:

There’s a lot to cover in this chapter (I could go on for awhile about all the goofy things I’ve said under anesthesia too), but I’ll focus on the theme of grieving I noticed, while Kate struggles to come to terms with her diagnosis.

Throughout the chapter Kate seems to be going thru the five stages of grief. In the opening paragraph, she writes about bargaining, asking her god to be the “god of yes.” To make her better so she can live the life she’s planned with her family.

There are many depressing instances too. When she talks to her friends and family about not having enough time, that she hoped her “life and my love will not undo each other.” One of the most impactful moments comes when she is describing how she is sinking faster than everyone else and someday she will drown. “I am preparing for death and everyone else is on Instagram.” Thankfully I went thru my cancer treatment before most social media existed, but I still experienced that sad and surreal feeling of watching my friends go to college and live their lives, while I was isolated in a hospital room for two months.

As cancer survivors, we can all relate to the denial stage. “If I hide the reality, then maybe I’m not sick,” she writes near the end of the chapter. I powered thru my treatments with a very unhealthy amount of denial and avoidance, so this really hit home. Most people deny what’s happening because we do not want to let go of our control—it’s part of what makes cancer so terrifying. “Control is a drug, and we are all hooked,” she writes. Because of Kate’s ties to the prosperity gospel, she has been taught to never surrender. If something bad happens or if she fails, it is because she did something wrong. Like those people on Instagram proclaim: You have to keep believing, think positive, eat the magical kale, hashtag blessed. Kate grapples with reconciling this thought process with her cancer. How can she possibly surrender?

Eventually, Kate begins to grudgingly accept that her faith may have misled her when she realizes that there might not be a rainbow at the end of this storm, no lesson to be learned. “When will I learn that surrender is not weakness?” she writes. Surrender does not have to mean dying or giving up. Surrender is not weakness and sometimes it is necessary.

Commentary by Chelsea P.:

In this chapter, Surrender, Kate explores the topic of what it’s like to count up your time, to bargain with God for more time, and the idea of surrender. It was also in this chapter that I found it strangely hard to relate to Kate although many of our experiences have been similar. Finally, it is in chapter 5 that I really noticed that Bowler’s writing style can be rather poetic at times.

For obvious reasons, it seems to be common for mankind to reach out to God in times of need. Kate Bowler has been no exception to that rule. Upon being diagnosed, she realized that she was not done living. Her time left “…will not be sufficient to raise a little baby to adulthood. It will not be the life [she had] promised to [her] husband” (p.53). So her first reaction is to pray to God to ask him for more time, to be cancer-free.

More than anything, it seemed to me that she is more concerned about how her death will affect those around her, specifically her husband and her son. She does not appear to feel sorry for herself nor does she explore the idea of a bucket list. Bowler grapples instead with the need to surrender and explains that, in the Christian meaning of the word, Surrender is akin to “letting go and sinking into the arms of God, whereas Presbyterians would see her as a “passive vehicle of God’s grace” and to the believers in the prosperity gospel, “surrender sounds like defeat” (p. 82-83). Is surrender giving up, or is it placing one’s trust in God?

I mentioned earlier that I was able to draw many parallels between my own experiences. Similarily, I have a young son (who was 4 months old when I was diagnosed), a cold, clinical oncologist similar to the one she described and a huge support system of friends, family and community members who mean the best but have difficulties understanding. That being said, I am an atheist at heart and therefore find it very difficult to fully relate to her fully.

Finally, I just wanted to point out some of the more poetic quotes from this chapter that I enjoyed reading (and re-reading!). Some of these spoke to me for varying reasons; others I simply found interesting as metaphors for our cancer diagnoses.

“Live unburdened. Live free. Live without forevers that don’t always come. These are my best hopes for you, that you press forward at last. I don’t know how to die, but I know how to press this crushing grief into hope, hope for them” (p. 60).

“I am on a boat caught in the storm and I say to the crew in a bright voice, Don’t worry about me. I was already going to die” (p. 66).

“Life is a series of losses…with age we slowly lose our sense and even our pleasures, our parents and then our friends, preparing us for our own absence” (p.68-69).

“The water is rising and the leaves may break and it will sweep us all away. But until then, I am here. I will not let go” (p. 71).

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 6: Christmas Cheer!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 5: Surrender of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and Chapter 3.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 4: Seasons

Commentary by Christy R.:

Kate sees her life as a series of many ups and downs, with there being seasons of disappointments intertwined with moments of extreme happiness. She describes how she and Toban were struggling to make ends meet at the beginning of their marriage and had to postpone starting a family. They spent 10 years trying not to get pregnant while she was in school and money was tight. Now they finally decided it was time, Kate was dealt the unfortunate hand of having to undergo multiple fertility treatments.

A takeaway for me here is that waiting for your breakthrough can be exhausting!

I think back to all the moments I needed to catch a break myself during my own treatments. It can seem to pile up and add to the exhaustion you already are feeling. Asking the question of, “Why me?”

It was during her season of waiting, she notices that waiting is a major theme for prosperity in the church. It encourages believers to sow seeds of faith and wait for the rain and harvest. Scripture had said, “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” But one Sunday the First Lady of the church grew tired of waiting and proclaimed everyone to stand up and claim their blessings. This lead Kate to ask for a baby.

Kate found herself in a place of having to pretend to be happy for other women who seem to live this blessed life. But she believed through prayer and a little bit of luck, she was finally able to get pregnant.

This set off on what would be a path to an amazing year for Kate. The release of her first book on the prosperity gospel, birth of her son Zach, and a reset she felt on life. A new found happiness.

Commentary by Hillary W.:

Chapter 4, with the birth of Kate’s son, was difficult to read. When Kate talks of her “outrageous happiness” I felt helpless knowing what was about to follow. Young adult cancer is particularly insidious because it hits us at a time in our lives when we’re often experiencing these amazing highs – in Kate’s case, she has a baby and her first book has just been published. My son was a similar age to Kate’s when I was first diagnosed so I felt a personal connection and a genuine sense of dread and foreboding as the chapter ended with the word “blessed.” Cancer decimates the ability to be blissfully unaware.

Commentary by Marie-Elyse B.:

My initial reaction after reading chapter four of everything happens for a reason was that, up to now, this was the chapter that least represented me or anything i’ve been through before, during, or after my cancer diagnosis. Whereas chapter three called to me on multiple levels, chapter four was mostly about Kate’s dream of motherhood, which is something that has never been on my mind. Even if the treatment I had could have caused infertility, and the chances were slim, I never wanted children and that was the least of my worries when I was diagnosed (and still is).

On the other hand, after re-reading the chapter, there is something Kate and I had in common: an impossible dream. Before my diagnosis, I was always traveling, auditioning for orchestras, in order to, one day, land the perfect job. As an orchestra musician, this can be a painful, long, and depressing process. After multiple auditions and still no job, I found myself also trying to find answers to all those refusals: new teachers, therapy, etc. Without much success at first and also making “trading” prayers to whoever could be listening up there. Then the impossible: a few months before I started having health issues, I did it. I won the perfect job, far from my family, but in my home country. And same as Kate, that answered wish seemed like it came with a great price when a few months living my dream. I was told that my shoulder problems were not instrument-related, but a lymphoma to which I would have to stop working in order to get chemotherapy treatments. I also felt the same thing as Kate about waiting. I had waited all those years before having my own place, before getting a pet, getting into a serious relationship, etc. All these things in hold to reach my dream, just to see it crumble as soon as it became real. Maybe I shouldn’t have waited? Maybe it was better this way? Even now that I’m in remission and doing way better, even now that I’m back to my dream job I wonder, should I have waited this long to pursue those other paths in my life?

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 5: Surrender!

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Thanks for joining us for Chapter 4: Seasons of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!