Not Broken. Not Mending.

sewing a scar closed tattoo

What if we started from the premise:
we are not broken.
we are not mending.

We are living through one day that just so happens to be nothing like the last.  We are crying tears few our age understand and grieving losses too old for our young years.

What if we started from the understanding:
we are not broken.
we are not fighting.

We are seeing glimpses into a world more complicated than might be.  Nursing wounds both inside and out.  We are learning to love and live in a way both profound and terrifying.

What if we start from the knowledge:
we are not broken.

There is nothing to fix, everything to lose, and everything to gain.  Just like before.

What if we start to tell ourselves:
we are not broken.

We are in process.  We are changing.  We are living in and through great hurt and compassion.

How would you respond to the writing prompt, a tattoo of a needle and thread sewing up a scar?

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants met for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks during our Winter 2018 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  If you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org or sign up on our interest form.

Next Writing Workshop Starts Next Week!

online writing workshop

Update:  The Writing Workshop is now full.  Please sign up on the interest form below to be notified when the next session is forming.

Our online, Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Workshop is designed to take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer patient/survivor peers. Each 8-week Writing Workshop consists of a weekly writing night attended via online video chat. We will get to know one another in an intimate, 18 person setting and address issues that transport us from initial diagnosis into the new normal and survivorship.

The next session will start on Thursday, April 25th, meeting each Thursday at 3:30 pm PT / 5:30 pm CT / 6:30 pm ET for 2 hours via video chat through Thursday, June 13th. (please note our earlier start time!)

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: Young adult cancer patients/survivors and young adult cancer caregivers.

(Lacuna Loft considers anyone diagnosed with cancer, at any stage of the experience, to be a survivor!)

When: The writing group meets for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks. A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time 🙂

How does it work:

  • This workshop uses the Amherst Writing and Artists (AWA) Method.  The facilitator provides a writing prompt and you can use that prompt in any way you’d like to create a story over a set amount of time. Once we’ve finished our writing (yes, the facilitator writes too!), everyone is given the opportunity to read their writing out loud. Though sharing is optional, hearing your own story and hearing someone else’s, teaches us about our experiences and our stories. Once the piece is read, we reflect on the writing – what did we like, what stood out, what did we remember. Everything is considered fiction so we do not respond to the writer as a support group may, but keep the focus on the writing.
  • Sometimes the prompts are about cancer, sometimes indirectly related to cancer, and sometimes not about cancer at all. Above all, the writing program emphasizes that we are more than a diagnosis.
  • Following each weekly session, you may decide to submit your writing to Mallory (mallory@lacunaloft.org) for publication on LacunaLoft.org in their Young Adult Voices program section. This is not mandatory!

Sponsored in part by a grant from Shire and an anonymous donor.

Join A One Night Writing Workshop!

young adult cancer creative writing group

Interested in checking out what it’s like to join the online Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Workshop before committing to 8 weeks of the group?  You’re in luck!  On April 3rd from 5-7 pm PT / 7-9 pm CT / 8-10 pm ET we’ll be hosting an Open Write Night (aka Unorthodox Ink)! You can spend an evening with other young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers and do some guided creative writing while you’re at it.

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam (either one that’s external or built into your computer/tablet/smartphone).

Who: Young adult cancer patients/survivors and young adult cancer caregivers.

When: April 3rd, 5-7 pm PT / 7-9 pm CT / 8-10 pm ET.

Join The Next Online Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Workshop!

writing desk

The next Writing Workshop is now forming!  Sign up on the form below!

The next session will start on Wednesday, January 9th, meeting each Wednesday at 3 pm PT / 5 pm CT / 6 pm ET for 2 hours via video chat until Wednesday, February 27th. (please note our earlier start time!)

Our online, Unspoken Ink: Creative Writing Workshop is designed to take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer survivor peers. Each 8-week Writing Workshop consists of a weekly writing night attended via online video chat. We will get to know one another in an intimate, 18 person setting and address issues that transport us from initial diagnosis into the new normal and survivorship.  To learn more about the method we use, go here!

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: Young adult cancer survivors and caregivers.

When: The writing group meets for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks. A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time 🙂

 

Sign Up For An Open Write Night!

online writing workshop

Interested in checking out what it’s like to join the online Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Workshop before committing to 8 weeks of the group?  You’re in luck!  On November 19th from 5-7 pm PT / 7-9 pm CT / 8-10 pm ET we’ll be hosting an Open Write Night (aka Unorthodox Ink)!  You can spend an evening with other young adult cancer survivors and caregivers and do some creative writing while you’re at it.

Sign up today!

Where: *Online* video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: Young adult cancer survivors and young adult cancer caregivers.

When: November 19th, 5-7 pm PT / 7-9 pm CT / 8-10 pm ET.

Sign up here!

—

How does it work:

  • This workshop uses the Amherst Writing and Artists (AWA) Method.  The facilitator provides a writing prompt and you can use that prompt in any way you’d like to create a story over a set amount of time. Once we’ve finished our writing (yes, the facilitator writes too!), everyone is given the opportunity to read their writing out loud. Though sharing is optional, hearing your own story and hearing someone else’s, teaches us about our experiences and our stories. Once the piece is read, we reflect on the writing – what did we like, what stood out, what did we remember. Everything is considered fiction so we do not respond to the writer as a support group may, but keep the focus on the writing.
  • Sometimes the prompts are about cancer, sometimes indirectly related to cancer, and sometimes not about cancer at all. Above all, the writing program emphasizes that we are more than a diagnosis.
  • Following each weekly session, you may decide to submit your writing to Mallory (mallory@lacunaloft.org) for publication on LacunaLoft.org in their Young Adult Voices program section. This is not mandatory!

Join A Holiday Self Care Writing Program! It’s A Wonderful Life!

holiday banner

Young Survival Coalition and Lacuna Loft are excited to present a brand new program:

It’s a Wonderful Life: Taking Care during the Holidays

A 3-part journaling workshop for young adult cancer survivors

“It’s beginning to look a lot like” an even busier time of year! The holiday season brings nostalgia (like a favorite song), connection to family and friends and an undercurrent of expectation. There can be an added layer of managing expectations to be positive and happy – even in the middle of treatment or when everyone appears to look “fine” when, inside, they are not.

Finding peace between the wrapping paper and the stuffing is within reach! Join us for a 3 part holiday journal writing workshop to design a plan for low stress, create or reconnect with meaningful traditions, and decorate your soul with a little TLC.

Jean Rowe, LCSW, OSW-C, Certified Journal Therapist, is the Associate Director of Support Services at the Young Survival Coalition. Lacuna Loft and YSC are excited to offer this journal workshop online to young adult cancer survivors of any diagnosis.

Sundays, 4-6 pm PT / 7-9 pm ET: December 2nd, December 9th, December 16th.  Sign up below!

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: Young adult cancer survivors.

When: The writing group meets on Sundays at 4 pm PT / 6 pm CT / 7 pm ET for 2 hours each week, for 3 parts, meeting on December 2nd, December 9th, and December 16th.  A commitment to attend each part is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time 🙂

What Is It Like To Carry A Child?

ovary supression

Lately, the song by Peter Gabriel “I grieve” from the movie “City of Angels” plays on repeat when I see babies, baby clothes, little kids, blasted strollers and families in general while at the store, the mall, freaking Cracker Barrel.

I have to almost step outside of myself in order to NOT have a breakdown. Though some days are better than others, I can’t seem to fully accept this permanent loss.

What hurts the most is I will never have anyone who looks like me or inherits the way I tilt my head when I’m pondering or laughs like me.

As an only child, I have always enjoyed my own company. My imagination is huge. Now I wish I didn’t have such a huge imagination because I keep imagining what a son or daughter might’ve looked like.

I tend to focus my grief of being medically induced into menopause on not having anyone to look like me because I grew up just knowing my mother’s side of the family. Thanks to divorce when I was two, I never met anyone on my father’s side until I was 35 years old.

I look nothing like my mother. I look nothing like her side of the family. I have struggled with that.

There is no one to carry on my name. It literally stops with me.

What is it like to actually carry a child? Thanks to cancer, I will never know.

by Megan-Claire Chase

How would you respond to the writing prompt, ‘Ovary Suppression’?

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants met for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks during our Summer 2018 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  If you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org or sign up on our interest form.

Join A Brand New Writing Program! Lost and Found!

woman on bed

Update:  The initial session is now full.  Please fill out the interest form below to be notified when the next session is forming!

Sex, intimacy, and relationships after cancer can be scary, unchartered territory. It is normal (yes! normal) for young adult cancer survivors to not feel particularly sexual or physically attractive after treatment. It’s a real thing that’s been studied! Check that out here. Think about it. Your body’s changed. Your life has changed. Your feelings about your body and life have likely changed. That reduced or complete lack of interest in sex could be physiological* or it could be psychological. Or both.

Some young adult cancer survivors have expressed feeling like their bodies have betrayed them. Young adults ages 18 to 39 may still be coming into their own about sexuality when a cancer diagnosis shows up like a party crasher. Oncologists are not equipped to have conversations about how to sustain intimacy during or after cancer when a patient has an existing partner much less addressing this subject with single young adults. The realization that intimacy has skipped town may not show up until after treatment has finished. This can feel out of place and confusing and cause further isolation and fear.

Changes to body image can greatly impact sex and intimacy, particularly if there were pre-existing struggles with it. Bodily changes during cancer can deepen these struggles or new ones can surface for the first time. Young adults are fighting life-threatening illnesses, and, on top that, their self-esteem is impacted by changes, sometimes dramatic ones, which are outside of their control.

Questions like, “When do I tell someone about cancer?” often arise. The answer is simple: when you’re ready. I am not suggesting this is a simple conversation, and you have no obligation to tell potential partners about your cancer journey until and unless you’re ready. Hear me add this gentle caveat: If your clothes are coming off, you might want to stop and have a conversation.

Now what? Well, what if you decided to try something different? What if, with a generous helping of compassion, you decided to be a pioneer for what might be possible with your body and life as it is now, today? Knowing that the frontier will include some moments of feeling awkward and weirdness? Also opportunity and creativity?

Lacuna Loft and YSC invite you to explore that frontier by participating in Lost and Found: Re-Establishing Intimacy after Cancer, a six week online video journal workshop for young adult cancer survivors (women only). We hope to “see” you there!  Join other young cancer survivors (women only) who understand what you’ve gone through while learning how to reconnect, welcoming a compassionate understanding of your body now, and creating ways to open your heart to intimate opportunities after cancer.  Sign up below!  (P.S.  Check out our Awkward Auntie program to get all of your questions answered anonymously about sex and relationships after young adult cancer!)

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: 15 young adult cancer survivors (women only).

When: The writing group meets on Sundays at 4 pm PT / 6 pm CT / 7 pm ET for 2 hours each week, for 6 weeks starting on Sunday, August 12th and going until September 23rd (we will skip Labor Day weekend).  A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space.

*(ask your healthcare team if medicine you’re taking impacts libido and/or if there’s a tweak or addition in medication that might help)

The Next Unspoken Ink Writing Workshop Is Now Forming!

young adult cancer creative writing group

Update: The next Writing Workshop is now full!  We’ll start on Monday, August 13th, meeting each Monday at 5 pm PT / 7 pm CT / 8 pm ET for 2 hours via video chat until Monday, October 8th (we’ll skip Labor Day).  Sign up below to join the 8-week Unspoken Ink: Young Adult Cancer Creative Writing Workshop!

Our online, Unspoken Ink: Creative Writing Workshop is designed to take you on a journey through your cancer diagnosis and into your survivorship with a small group of your young adult cancer survivor peers. Each 8-week Writing Workshop consists of a weekly writing night attended via online video chat. We will get to know one another in an intimate, 18 person setting and address issues that transport us from initial diagnosis into the new normal and survivorship.

Where: Online video chat. We’ll send you more information about joining after you register. Please have a microphone headset and a webcam.

Who: Young adult cancer survivors and caregivers.

When: The writing group meets for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks. A commitment to attend each week is important to group continuity and in creating a safe space. Please be on time 🙂

How does it work:

  • This workshop uses the Amherst Writing and Artists (AWA) Method.  The facilitator provides a writing prompt and you can use that prompt in any way you’d like to create a story over a set amount of time. Once we’ve finished our writing (yes, the facilitator writes too!), everyone is given the opportunity to read their writing out loud. Though sharing is optional, hearing your own story and hearing someone else’s, teaches us about our experiences and our stories. Once the piece is read, we reflect on the writing – what did we like, what stood out, what did we remember. Everything is considered fiction so we do not respond to the writer as a support group may, but keep the focus on the writing.
  • Sometimes the prompts are about cancer, sometimes indirectly related to cancer, and sometimes not about cancer at all. Above all, the writing program emphasizes that we are more than a diagnosis.
  • Following each weekly session, you may decide to submit your writing to Mallory (mallory@lacunaloft.org) for publication on LacunaLoft.org in their Young Adult Voices program section. This is not mandatory!

The Last Seven Days

poem the moment

Late in the spring, we shared a piece by Carol Anne responding to this same prompt…  Now read another submission by a writer in the Unspoken Ink summer session…

The nights had felt endless and so had the days.  The longest 8-minute phone call 18 months before was culminating in the longest, last 7 days.

Seven days of middle of the night meds.

Seven days of a constant stream of visitors.

Seven days of catch up phone calls.

Seven days of a beautiful, snowy world.

Seven days of ignoring the inevitable.

Seven days of silence.

Pills became syringes of liquids and creams.  People became so far away, emotional expanses opening up the already pronounced physical distances between us.  The world continued on outside in a ruthless veil of normalcy.  Nods and blinks turned into silence.

The topic we’d ignored crashed through the house.  It sloshed at our ankles and slowly rose up our legs, torsos, up to our noses.

I wanted to shout.  Hit the rewind button.  Ask all the questions I never knew I had and make space for the ones I hadn’t yet formed.

But then, all of a sudden, the seven days were over.

You were gone.

How would you respond to the writing prompt, ‘a moment’? “Everybody has a moment when you know nothing is going to be the same ever again, when one part of your life ends and another begins.  This is when you know that the changes, for better or worse are going to be coming hard and fast.  You’re on a roller coaster and all you can do is hope that your safety belt stays fastened and that you’ll come out in one piece.  These moments are what make us who we are, and I know I wouldn’t be quite me without mine.” 

—

This writing comes directly from one of our participants in our Unspoken Ink Creative Writing Group for young adult cancer survivors.  The participants are meeting for 2 hours each week, for 8 weeks during our Summer 2018 session.  This writing has not been edited since its original creation, showing the wonderfully raw and powerful prose coming from the courageous writing group participants each week.  If you’d like to sign up for future sessions, please email info@lacunaloft.org or sign up on our interest form.