Yoga for Deep Rest

rest during cancer

I think about my life right now – the pace of “should’s” and “could’s” and “to-do’s” filling up all the nooks and crannies in my schedule.  I use my calendar to give each of my to-do’s time in the day to make sure I do them and to make sure there is time.  And when there isn’t, I end up with a pile of calendar items all to do at the same time – what a mess of indecision and disappointment!  In the midst of this busy stream of my human life, my puppy sits there sleeping with his head under a bed or couch.  He reminds me of the need for naps and rest in between intense times of play or work.  How have we as humans lost the ability to pause and be still?  To listen when our bodies and minds need rest?  How do we even begin to regain that balance in our daily “grind”?

I’ve been studying yoga and contemplative practices with a group at the San Marcos School of Yoga.  At the end of each day we experience some sort of restorative practice or pose.  A few minutes in some of these poses or experiences can feel like hours of rest – and help you sleep better when you get to bed!  What a great tool for healing the mind and emotions.  What a deep need for caregivers and supporters.  And for this one, you don’t even need to have any knowledge of yoga!

I had heard of Yoga Nidra before, but had never done it.  In fact I didn’t know – is it something you “do” or “practice” or “see”?  I learned that Yoga Nidra is a yogic sleep – and you begin almost like you are in Savasana (resting pose) but with extra blankets and padding underneath you.  Once settled comfortably, someone leads you through a visualization in your body and spirit to guide you to deep, deep rest.  I practiced this and felt so calm and self-aware afterwards.  I have cravings for it now.  Better than a bedtime story, this will surely give your whole self a recharge in less than 15 minutes.

Since I can’t come read to you, you can download audio files to listen for your Nidra experience (Sample Script below).

Looking for more?  Check out some of the other restorative poses on Lacuna Loft.  Viparita Karani is a great choice if you have a wall and 10 minutes for quiet!

What do you do to recharge your batteries?  Making space to rest during cancer is so important.  How do you create this space?

 

Sample Script:

Allow your body to settle. Settling into the ground, into the earth for deep renewal… Now let your consciousness move through your body as you are guided.  Feel each body part then move on to the next when prompted.  Do not worry if you cannot feel every body part.

Feel your face, notice your jaw… Become aware of sensation in your mouth…  Without moving, feel the roof of your mouth… underneath the tongue… notice teeth… gums… tongue…root of the tongue… inside of right cheek… inside of left cheek… sense taste in your mouth… Now feel all of the parts of your mouth all together as a whole… the entire mouth as sensation.

Now feel your nose… the length of your nose… nostrils… right nostril… left nostril… both nostrils. Feel your breath passing through both nostrils… feel your nose.

Bring your awareness to your ears… feel the wrinkles and folds of the ears… backs of the ears…ear canals…inner ears.  Aware of your ears hearing, receiving sound.  Feel your ears as orbs of sensation, feel your ears.

Now feel your eyes… eyelids… eyelashes… surface of the eyes…centers of the eyes… backs of the eyes… behind the eyes. Feel your eyes as radiant orbs of light and wisdom.

Become aware of your forehead… crown… whole head… throat… neck… right shoulder… right arm… hand… right palm. Feeling right hand thumb… 1st finger… 2nd finger… 3rd finger… 4th finger… Feel now the whole right hand vibrant with energy… Aware of right wrist… forearm… elbow… upper arm… shoulder… Feel throat center… And notice left shoulder… arm… hand.  Notice left hand thumb… 1st finger… 2nd finger… 3rd finger… 4th finger… whole hand radiant with life… Become aware of left wrist… forearm… elbow… upper arm… shoulder… and throat center.

Feel your chest… heart space… heart center… stomach… navel center… shoulder blades… between shoulder blades… ribs on the back… low back… buttocks.  Become aware of your whole back… 

Feel the right hip… right thigh… knee… right lower leg… ankle… top of the foot… sole of the right foot… big right toe… all of the toes… Feel your whole right foot alive.

Become aware of sensation in the navel… left hip… thigh… knee… left lower leg… ankle… top of the foot… sole… big left toe… all of the toes… Feel the left foot vibrant with energy.

Become aware of right side of the body… Now feel the left side of the body…  Feel back body — side of the body facing the ground… back body… And now feel front body — side of the body facing the sky… front body… Now feel right arm and left leg together… right arm and left leg… Now feel left arm and right leg together…left arm and right leg.

Feel the whole body now, whole body… Entire global feeling of the body.

Become aware of your breath once again. Begin to deepen your breath, noticing increased sense of connection to your body and breath.  Slowly move your body to re-awaken.

A Day To Sit

relaxing with cancer

Today, our only advice is to take a moment to sit.  Sit with your emotions, your feelings, your breath.  Sit with your self love and self care and self doubt.  Hold yourself like you would hold a friend.  Relaxing with cancer is hard.  Sitting with all of the fears and doubts and emotions that you have can be very challenging.

As you sit, know that what you are feeling is normal.  What you are experiencing is so tragically demanding physically and mentally.  How would you take care of a friend in your situation?  Would you help them learn that relaxing with cancer is difficult but necessary?  Would you tell them that taking time to breathe and contemplate will aid in their emotional healing?  Treat yourself with that same degree of love and kindness.

You are enough.

P.S. be calm

A Mantra A Day…

mantra

I’ve always loved singing… when I was a kid I would sing along to songs on the radio, even if I didn’t know them.  I would listen to the words, and anticipate what was coming based on the line or even just the first sounds of the word.  Okay, often it was a jumbly mess, but I loved it!

When I was in school and going to church regularly, I loved the singing of the worship.  I loved to get lost in my voice.  I always loved musicals and would come home from school and sing and dance around the house (with no one home, of course)!

Voice has resonance for me.  I like to feel the vibration of sound in my throat, in my body.  I like music and have worked with the muscles of my voice for a long time without knowing that I was refining them.  Naturally, when I met mantras in my yoga training, we hit it off.

Well, actually, at first I thought the Sanskrit words were uncomfortable and strange and I didn’t know what I was saying.  Meaning is important to me.  But as I gained understanding, the unknown language with deep layers of meaning stuck with me.  As I would chant/sing with my words on paper or with my eyes closed and feeling through my 108 bead mala, I found peace.  Trust.  A prayer in another form.  One layer is the words and their meanings.  Another the melody repeating over and over.  Another in the vibration as it resonates in my body.  Another is the history of the mantra and that I’m connection to unknown amounts of others who have said this prayer before.   On great days, I feel unbelievably content and complete after reciting mantras (and who couldn’t use a little more of that?).

I’m working on practicing these types of formal Sanskrit mantras more in my life (check out this mantra for obstacles).  AND, I also have mantras that are informal (and don’t require singing!).  These are sayings or phrases that ring deeply true to me.  Mottos.  Inspiration.  Soul stuff.  I write them on my chalk board.  I breathe in and out thinking or saying them to myself.  I write them on cards to others and post them on my social media.  They come from ancient mystics, favorite books, comedians, friends, anything!  Here are a few that I’ve been chewing on lately.  If one rings true for you, grab it and keep it somewhere great – on a mirror, on your phone background, or just tucked into your heart.

We’ve talked a little about finding your own motivation and mantra before!  Have you seen our posts about beautiful message tucked in public places, inspirational quotes, a wonderfully uplifting song, motivational desktops, a great life manifesto, being darn tough, and picking your own mantra!  Let the mantra’s truth, the vibration of juicy awesome love-joy-compassion, fill you up.

“Do that which best stirs you to love.” -Teresa of Avilia

“I am doing well.”

“We cannot attain what we don’t pursue.” -Gioconda Parker, yogi

“Breathe in.  Breathe out.”

“Change is the only constant.”

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” -Buddha

…and, more ideas are online here!

Bonus: I find mantra paves the way into a meditation – try it out!

Look around online or in your life for your inspiring mantra.  We’d love to hear what you find on the blog or social media!

3 Days Practicing Pleasure

practicing pleasure

Far too often, recently, I’ve found myself down the rabbit hole of Facebook comparisons.  I look through pictures that people have posted of themselves as their profile pics (of course – we all post the BEST of the BEST here) and thought that I’m not nearly as attractive, accomplished, or popular as this person.  But when I dig through these negative thoughts what I simmer down to for me is that this person looks HAPPY.  And more than any other quality (resume, great skin, stylish clothes), I want me some more of that.  I want to have peace, and joy.  I want to be laughing and dancing more than I’m concerned, stressed, or do-ing through my list.  Happy might make me beautiful, beloved, and successful… or not.  But it may mean I care a lot less about any of those things because I’m too enthralled by enjoying my life.  (And, I deleted my FB app on my phone.  Yes, freedom from alerts and the temptation to instantly and everywhere have that self-comparison downer trip!)

So what does it mean to practice happiness, to find pleasure in being alive?  How do I learn to slow down and enjoy the sensations in life?  How do I remember the why of what I’m doing?  How can I bring luscious love into the process of all that I’m creating and learning in my life?

Part of a health program I’m going through to restore hormonal balance in my body set a challenge this week to spend 3 days practicing pleasure (outside of food!).  For a do-er like me, who, even without a full time job, finds herself exhausted, disappointed that she doesn’t do more.  Even with compromised health from stress, this is not only super key, but also super hard.  I want to rush through the check-list item of “take care of Kelsey”… and get on to the next awesome thing I want to achieve.

However, I’m slowly learning (with age?  with maturity?  with blaring signals from my body that it needs a break?) that finding joy and caring for myself is an important piece of living a long and full life that I design.

So, here’s what I’ve been doing over this 3 day experiment to experience the pleasure of being alive in my body and in my life:

Day 1:  Went to the library and rented a book that is JUST FOR FUN.  Not related to work, school, or anything I’m “getting better at”.  I started reading… and didn’t want to stop.  My analytical brain got a well deserved break.  Why don’t I do this more often?

Day 2:  SLEEP IN.  That’s it.  I didn’t set an alarm or make any plans before noon (or whatever time is a luxury for you).  My body got to dictate my speed for the morning.

Day 3:  Laid out my yoga mat, put on some fun music, and let my body be my guide.  No goals of poses, no need to sweat to a certain level or make myself sore… just authentic movement.  I practiced listening to my body and letting my toes wiggle, my legs bend and flow in the air, and then I gave myself a quick coconut oil massage (an Ayurvedic practice called Abhyanga) before an awesome hot shower.

Here is what I learned:

1.  Sometimes, I still need to think of practicing pleasure as a to-do… AND I can use that to my advantage  by putting my pleasure time into my calendar.  Maybe sometimes it will be scheduling a pedicure, but other times it may just be 15 minutes of self massage or putting on a temporary tattoo to remember how rad I am.

2.  As I practice remembering the joy in my body and breath and relationships in small ways (exercise, sleep, quality time, etc.), I found myself also remembering the pleasure in folding my laundry with care and love for me and my partner.  I remembered the pleasure in putting the dishes in the dishwasher because I don’t HAVE to wash them myself AND they will be so lovely clean when I get back home… the little things.  It’s always the little things…

Some other ways to practice experiencing the pleasure all around us:

– Call a friend

– Write a letter

– Doodle, Color, or Paint

– Light a candle

– Paint your nails

– Give yourself a luxurious shave – cream, new razor, moisturizer

– Put on soothing music

– Put on a great jam and dance around the house

– Take a walk outside

– Listen to a comedian you like or watch a funny show

– Make a collage from old magazines or of photos

– Make a playlist of feel happy jams

– Take a nap

– Enjoy a bath with essential oils and salts

– Put on your PJs, great socks, and grab a book or journal

What do you do to remember how great life can feel?  How do you go about practicing pleasure?

5 Tools to Enter Meditation

5 tips for meditation

Welcome to the third post in a series on meditation techniques and lessons.  You can read the first post here and the second post here.  Meditation can be a powerful tool to help calm your mind and anxieties.  We hope you enjoy!

I have found that often I need something to get my thoughts to begin slowing down to enter into meditation.  After my alarm goes off on my phone in the morning, I’ve probably already noticed some new emails to read, thought about what food I want to prep for the day and looked at my schedule.  Even if I aim to meditate first thing in the morning, sometimes there are a lot of buzzing thoughts already filling my mind.  Here are some entry points that I’ve played with to quiet my mind and help guide me to stillness:

1. Walking Meditation – This is exactly how it sounds.  Walk around (inside or outside) but very slowly.  Pay attention as your heel and then ball of your foot and then toes grab the ground.  Feel the back of your foot as it lifts off when you move forward.  See if you can notice each sensation in your body as you walk.  Where do you put your weight?  What pace do you want to be at?  Find yourself completely absorbed in your movement.

2.  “I Am Enough” Meditation – With each inhale breathed, “I am,”  and with each exhale, “Enough.”  As thoughts come to my head about what I want to do or be or things I wish I could change… I remind myself that as I am, I am enough.  And on the way, I learn all the areas of my life that I think need more.  My health, my physical appearance, my accomplishments, my relationships, my career… And I begin to remind each area that I am enough already.  Seeds of new stories…

3.  Follow your Ears – When you close your eyes, let your attention follow the sounds around you.  Focus on the loudest sound – the birds chirping, a train going by, the sound of the heater, anything.  It may change during your time sitting for meditation but let yourself completely go into that sound.  Notice that we attach meanings to sounds (birds, train, heater).  What can you notice beyond their meanings about the quality and feel of each sound?

4.  Levels of Awareness – As you sit down with your eyes closed, begin by hearing and feeling the room around you.  Notice the temperature, the sounds, the spaciousness.  Slowly draw your attention then to what is near you, what you can feel.  What is the surface you are sitting on like?  What do your clothes feel like on your skin?  Finally, bring your attention inward.  Notice your breath, your heart beat.  Can you feel your digestion at work or any muscles responding to how you are sitting?  After you’ve observed all these things fully, maybe you will enter into stillness to observe your mind.

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5.  Focused Gaze – Sit with your eyes open and an object in front of you.  You could sit very close to a wall (like Zen), light a candle, or look at an image of a mandala (or any drawing!).  With your eyes, discover the details of the object.  A wall might really challenge your sense of observation!  With a candle, see the edges of the flame move and the colors change within the flame.  With a mandala, let your attention trace the edges of the lines around the circle.

What tools have you played with to start meditation?  What have you learned from them?  Did these 5 tips for meditation help get you started?  Have you tried meditation as a young adult cancer survivor or caregiver?

So, hmmmm…. A Calm Mind

so hum meditation mantra

Welcome to the second post in a series on meditation techniques and lessons.  You can read the first post here.  Meditation can be a powerful tool to help calm your mind and anxieties.  We hope you enjoy!

“So, hmm…”

My first meditation teacher gave me this entry into meditation.  I still use it regularly now.  After finding a comfortable seat and taking some big, full breaths to feel my body, I’m ready to enter into my mind.  Sometimes this is the last place I want to be.  It can be full of noise, loud with instant daily replays and to-do lists.  Especially if there is anything I can be planning.  My mind likes to put on the hats of “planner”, “organizer”, and “perfecter”.  Dangerous trio.

So, as I enter my mind through my breath, I start with the mantra of “So, hmm”. (Sounds like so hum)

With each inhale, I think “so” and with each exhale, “hmm”.

Like in a conversation with someone (or yourself), when you need a pause to think, or just a pause of silence.  So, hmm… I wonder…  I can’t even say the phrase without offering my mind a moment to pause.  And that is exactly how to use this phrase as you sit with your eyes closed and pay attention to your breath.

Inhale.  (So…)

Exhale.  (Hmm…)

Space.

I like to set a timer and then just follow this so hum meditation mantra, this phrase, through the rise and fall of my breath for the whole time.  Sometimes the phrase will slip away.  Sometimes I find myself jumping down a rabbit hole of other thoughts.  Whoops!  I just realize I’ve taken a detour and get back to the So Hmm.  Other times I find that the rhythm of my breath and these words overcoming my thoughts bring me to the complete stillness of meditation.  The pause to wonder becomes large and empty and I can be with myself, just as myself (none of those roles listed above).  And there is this moment of peace, bliss, contentment.

And then I realize that I’m distracted by thinking “OH!  This is IT!” and I’ve lost it!  So I begin back with the So Hmm…

The words, our breath, this back and forth from thought to stillness – are all linked in a cycle.  We go forth, we come back.  Maybe a little different, maybe a little changed.  Maybe with clarity that will offer up rewards as we take it into our day or our night.

What roles does your mind like to play?  What have you used to help you meditate?  Have you tried the so hum meditation mantra?

P.S.  For the philosophical roots of this mantra, check out this article on Yoga Journal!

Mind Control

This is the first post of a series on meditation techniques and lessons.

“Can we turn within ourselves to study and understand, perhaps even control, the mind?”  – the Introduction to The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

I have had a meditation practice for the last year.  I’ve never quite been able to be the everyday type of discipline person in many areas of my life.  I can say that everyday I brush my teeth at least once… and sometimes that is about all that feels constant.  But even as I’m inconsistent on a daily basis, there is a steady relationship that has grown over the last year as I’ve created some time to be quiet with myself.  I have learned how my mind works – what I put effort into, how I avoid stillness, how much I daydream or replay life.  These insights have allowed me to see my mind doing what it does – all day long! – and learn to add space, breath, and choice to what I do, say, and be.

As I begin, I like to find a quiet place to sit.  I have to put my dog in another room.  I have to make sure no one is going to need any answers or favors from me for the set time.  I set my timer on my phone (for 5-20 minutes) and then my phone on airplane mode so I’m not constantly concerned I’m going to be late to whatever is next… and I won’t be tempted by buzzing texts.  Some people like having quiet spa-like music on in the background.

Finding a comfortable seat isn’t always easy, either.  I find that sitting is most comfortable after I’ve done some stretching or yoga to move my hips and seat muscles and maybe open up my back so I’m able to sit tall comfortably.  In yoga (and other traditions), we take care of the body for the ultimate purpose of getting into our mind and Self.  So I take care of my body in preparation to spend some time with myself.  And then I grab a blanket to sit on, a pillow or support under my sitz bones, and I settle in to a comfortable seat and close my eyes.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Long, deep, and full inhales and exhales through my nose.  I start with my breath.  The physical experience of sitting and breathing.  How do I feel today?  What am I able to observe about my body?  I start in this tangible layer of my experience.  Then, after I settle in there, I take a look inside.  What thoughts am I having?  Can I invite them to come back later and then exhale them out one at a time?

“The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga” – Yoga Sutra 1.2

This practice of letting the stuff of our mind go is hard work!  Some days the quiet comes easily, others it is quite an effort to keep slowing myself down.  We aim for having minds that are clear and calm, like a beautiful lake, that can reflect clearly what is going on in ourselves and in our lives all the time.  This is a powerful tool!

And… as I calm my mind lake, I learn a lot about myself right now.  I learn that I avoid stillness and quiet with myself by becoming a planner of my day.  Are there times when I am uncomfortable with the stillness needed in a conversation that I jump to planning instead of being present?  I learn that I replay what happened in my day again and shame myself for what I said wrong.  I learn that I wishfully daydream about how much I’ll get done once I’m done meditating!  Both of these experiences are like realizing that I’m watching a movie – that I made up!

Meditation for cancer survivors or caregivers is a powerful calming technique when so much feels out of our control.

What do you learn about how you respond to stillness and quiet?  What do you avoid about being with yourself?  Who are you being towards yourself?  And no judgment!

Next post: techniques to continue clearing our thoughts!

Inner Teacher, Outer Teacher

yoga

Some days I feel like I know what I want, what I need.  I can decide which tea to have, know I’m craving some sweet potatoes for lunch.  Other days I don’t know if I want to stay in my bed all day or be outside all day… call my friends or just sit around and do nothing.  It seems that decisiveness is a whimsical quality for me.

On the days that I don’t know what to do for my body – when I can’t even get myself out on a walk (or the weather is not cooperating), I do my best to get myself to a yoga class (or dance/barre/pilates).  I let another person decide what I need to do next.  I trust an external teacher to show me the way to a pose, a theme, or a skill.  And if I can’t find a yoga class in person, I pull out my computer or TV and find something to watch as I move on my mat.  I let go of control and of trying to know what I need and I can still be listening and learning in my body.  Does this pose feel okay for me right now?  Do I need to make any adjustments to the order of poses or the level?  Do I need to take a break and just be with my body and breath?

These questions are also good practice for the rest of my life.  When I’m in the business of a day – either on my schedule or one determined by my boss, family, etc., I can be asking these same questions.  Does this situation/conversation/task give me space to fully and freely self express with love?  What emotions or physical limits am I bringing to this situation (like poor sleep or emotions from other areas of my life)?  Do I need to communicate any of my needs?  Do I need to take a breath (or 100!) and step back to get some perspective?  All these questions can help me get back to being the person I want to be, the one I know I can be, in all situations.  A human full of compassion, acceptance, love, and cooperation.  This is my offering of self.  This is respecting, saluting, that great self in me.

Anjali mudra (hand posture) is for contemplating what you need in a day.  Bring your two hands together in front of your heart, a sign of a prayer, an offering, a salute.  The reminder that we have two types of teachers in our lives – the external (our friends and family, our lives, our yoga videos) and the internal (that still small voice, the call to live love, our best self).  And I am so grateful to learn from both.

Practice this mudra in a comfortable sitting position.  Breathe slow and deep through your nose.  Close your eyes.  Bring your hands together in front of your heart with your thumbs nestled to your chest.  Feel the rise and fall of your breath in your ribcage.  Send gratitude to all the teachers in your life, including yourself!

——-

On days when you need an external teacher to help you tune in to the inner teacher, here are some audio/video resources:

Lesley Fightmaster

Christina Sell Yoga

Chair Yoga Video

Guided Meditations

Yoga Journal article on Anjali Mudra

Retreat Day

self care

On Monday, February 23, I’m going to be enjoying a day of nurturing myself.  I made a resolution to grow in self care over the month of February – an “I love me” month, if you will.  This has included taking a luxurious bath, slowing down with a big cup of tea, lighting candles more, noticing the moments of sheer beauty around me (dizzily falling snowflakes with intricate patterns melting on my coat, pudgy grey-blue clouds hugging the horizon when I first walk outside)… and big plans for a retreat day!  I invite you to join me (on that day or another) to practice some self care and enjoy life.

First, I thought of the things that I wish I did more of… but don’t.  Because I have to go far away, because I need more time, because I have other things to do, etc.  I love having a long day with lots of yoga practice to be in my body and learn from it.  I love time to learn from someone else, an outside teacher, to push me to grow.  And, I love time to listen to the inner teacher in me, to see if I need more nurturing or if I have a lot of energy to dance out!   So, I have a video of one of my favorite yoga teachers that I’m planning to do and I’m making time for me to do a little of my own yoga.

I also love to spend time walking outside with my doggie.  Check.  I also love yummy food and eating slowly with calm music and a beautiful view.  So I’m making enough time for that to happen, too.  And, reading with some yummy tea.  And maybe painting my nails.

My schedule:
7-8a teach my weekly Community Flow yoga class

8-9a make breakfast, take my doggie on a walk

9-9:30a meditation

9:30-11a listen to a lecture from my online yoga teacher training

11-12:30p practice yoga with a video

12:30-2p lunchtime and doggie walk

2-3:30p another online lecture OR reading time

3:30-4:30p practice yoga on my own

4:30-5p meditate, paint my nails, or whatever else feels right!

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Where on your calendar can you save some time for yourself this month?  What do you want to do with it?  What are the obstacles you can plan around (like rearranging obligations or asking for help or buying your food ahead of time)?  Who can you tell in order to keep it real in your mind (and keep you honest about doing it)?  Below I added some resources that might inspire you to put together your own day.

Kripalu Restorative Yoga Class – I cannot say enough about how great this school is because the teachers I know who have trained here are superb and therapeutically trained.

Christina Sell Yoga on YouTube – Check out the 10 minute tune-ups or some of her longer classes.  “Give yourself credit for being a person who can roll out their mat… and practice being connected to themselves, even if for only 10 minutes a day!”

Treat your feet (or hands) – I wrote a little about massaging your feet.  Maybe add some nail polish for a spa day!

Lacuna Loft’s journal prompts could provide a good start for some introspective time

Meditation resources are everywhere – here is one helpful article.  There are a ton of guided recordings available too, see what connects with you!

Check your local library for some books that inspire you or make you laugh – I like books by Parker Palmer,  Amy Poehler’s new book, “Still” by Lauren Winner, poetry… what are your favorites?

What would a self care retreat day look like for you?  We can’t wait to hear about your self care time here or on Facebook!

It’s Not Personal (with a twist!)

There was a miscommunication.  I’m grateful we caught it in time.  I chose to ’emergency’ sub a class tonight that I had asked not to cover.  I had just a few minutes to think through what I might layer together into a coherent 90 minute class (yes – 90!!) while welcoming students, taking payments, and answering questions.  Phew.  I taught the class and felt like the night was a success (people smiled, moved in their bodies safely, etc.).  I was excited to clean up and go home to a long awaited dinner, unpacking the groceries still in my car, and playing with my puppy.  I felt like I had offered something, pushed my own boundaries of being prepared, and was of service to these students who otherwise would have encountered the news of no class.

After class a student I know came up to me and asked me, “Can you take some criticism?”

I still remember getting an F on a temperature quiz in third grade.  I still feel the scar of embarrassment from failing my driving test and the angry finger of blame I wanted to point at the car I was driving.  Criticism, failure, is not my strong-suit.

“Yes, of course,” I answered.  I took a deep breath and reminded myself that someone else’s perspective is just that, one perspective.  I listened to what he had to say and did my best to hear where he was coming from.  And to remind myself gracefully that I am new, I have a lot to learn, I am only one person and can’t be what everyone wants out of a teacher – nor would I want to aim to.  I did my best not to turn it around on him, not to give my justifications or defenses (ok, still working on that).  And I think he felt heard and that our relationship as fellow yoga practitioners is stronger.

And then I went home rehearsing the conversation over and over in my head, replaying all the parts of what he didn’t like about me.   So I put on some loud Taylor Swift (because I can’t think while pop music is on) and attempted to drown out the noise.  It didn’t work.  I sat myself down with some comfort food and made some tea and practiced letting it go.  This isn’t personal.  Exhale.  This is more about his expectations, his mind, his practice, than it is anything about me.  Exhale.  And I am sure there are other people who don’t like my classes (I could guess by faces sometimes).  Exhale.  And I have been a jerk in class scowling at a teacher in my head.  And it did me no good – I lost the chance to enjoy my class and left as a grouch.  Exhale, exhale, exhale.  And people have said good things to me and bad – and there will be more.  None of these things mean anything about me.  Big exhale.

What does matter is how I let them live inside of me.  So for the next few days, I’ll practice letting this go.  When the voices return in my head, I’ll take a deep breath and exhale them out.  It may take days, or weeks, for it to lose the emotional pull towards reaction… but it will release.  Like a knot in my muscles, with time and repeated handling, it will heal.

Enjoy the pose below and use it to take a few exhales of things that feel personal.  Remind yourself that they aren’t really about you.  Really, not much in our world really is about us… and there is so much freedom and peace in that.  As Elsa reminds me, “Let it go…”

 

Ingredients:

– one big pillow (or two normal sized)

– soft ground

Place your pillow (or stacked pillows) on the ground.  Bring the side of your hip up against the pillows.  Bend your knees and tuck your feet closer to your seat.  Twist and bring your chest and face down on the pillow.  Place your arms on either side and sink into the support of the earth and the pillow(s).  Breathe deep and exhale your junk.  Inhale love, compassion, and gentleness towards yourself.  Spend 5-10 minutes and switch sides.