3 Days Practicing Pleasure

practicing pleasure

Far too often, recently, I’ve found myself down the rabbit hole of Facebook comparisons.  I look through pictures that people have posted of themselves as their profile pics (of course – we all post the BEST of the BEST here) and thought that I’m not nearly as attractive, accomplished, or popular as this person.  But when I dig through these negative thoughts what I simmer down to for me is that this person looks HAPPY.  And more than any other quality (resume, great skin, stylish clothes), I want me some more of that.  I want to have peace, and joy.  I want to be laughing and dancing more than I’m concerned, stressed, or do-ing through my list.  Happy might make me beautiful, beloved, and successful… or not.  But it may mean I care a lot less about any of those things because I’m too enthralled by enjoying my life.  (And, I deleted my FB app on my phone.  Yes, freedom from alerts and the temptation to instantly and everywhere have that self-comparison downer trip!)

So what does it mean to practice happiness, to find pleasure in being alive?  How do I learn to slow down and enjoy the sensations in life?  How do I remember the why of what I’m doing?  How can I bring luscious love into the process of all that I’m creating and learning in my life?

Part of a health program I’m going through to restore hormonal balance in my body set a challenge this week to spend 3 days practicing pleasure (outside of food!).  For a do-er like me, who, even without a full time job, finds herself exhausted, disappointed that she doesn’t do more.  Even with compromised health from stress, this is not only super key, but also super hard.  I want to rush through the check-list item of “take care of Kelsey”… and get on to the next awesome thing I want to achieve.

However, I’m slowly learning (with age?  with maturity?  with blaring signals from my body that it needs a break?) that finding joy and caring for myself is an important piece of living a long and full life that I design.

So, here’s what I’ve been doing over this 3 day experiment to experience the pleasure of being alive in my body and in my life:

Day 1:  Went to the library and rented a book that is JUST FOR FUN.  Not related to work, school, or anything I’m “getting better at”.  I started reading… and didn’t want to stop.  My analytical brain got a well deserved break.  Why don’t I do this more often?

Day 2:  SLEEP IN.  That’s it.  I didn’t set an alarm or make any plans before noon (or whatever time is a luxury for you).  My body got to dictate my speed for the morning.

Day 3:  Laid out my yoga mat, put on some fun music, and let my body be my guide.  No goals of poses, no need to sweat to a certain level or make myself sore… just authentic movement.  I practiced listening to my body and letting my toes wiggle, my legs bend and flow in the air, and then I gave myself a quick coconut oil massage (an Ayurvedic practice called Abhyanga) before an awesome hot shower.

Here is what I learned:

1.  Sometimes, I still need to think of practicing pleasure as a to-do… AND I can use that to my advantage  by putting my pleasure time into my calendar.  Maybe sometimes it will be scheduling a pedicure, but other times it may just be 15 minutes of self massage or putting on a temporary tattoo to remember how rad I am.

2.  As I practice remembering the joy in my body and breath and relationships in small ways (exercise, sleep, quality time, etc.), I found myself also remembering the pleasure in folding my laundry with care and love for me and my partner.  I remembered the pleasure in putting the dishes in the dishwasher because I don’t HAVE to wash them myself AND they will be so lovely clean when I get back home… the little things.  It’s always the little things…

Some other ways to practice experiencing the pleasure all around us:

– Call a friend

– Write a letter

– Doodle, Color, or Paint

– Light a candle

– Paint your nails

– Give yourself a luxurious shave – cream, new razor, moisturizer

– Put on soothing music

– Put on a great jam and dance around the house

– Take a walk outside

– Listen to a comedian you like or watch a funny show

– Make a collage from old magazines or of photos

– Make a playlist of feel happy jams

– Take a nap

– Enjoy a bath with essential oils and salts

– Put on your PJs, great socks, and grab a book or journal

What do you do to remember how great life can feel?  How do you go about practicing pleasure?

5 Tools to Enter Meditation

5 tips for meditation

Welcome to the third post in a series on meditation techniques and lessons.  You can read the first post here and the second post here.  Meditation can be a powerful tool to help calm your mind and anxieties.  We hope you enjoy!

I have found that often I need something to get my thoughts to begin slowing down to enter into meditation.  After my alarm goes off on my phone in the morning, I’ve probably already noticed some new emails to read, thought about what food I want to prep for the day and looked at my schedule.  Even if I aim to meditate first thing in the morning, sometimes there are a lot of buzzing thoughts already filling my mind.  Here are some entry points that I’ve played with to quiet my mind and help guide me to stillness:

1. Walking Meditation – This is exactly how it sounds.  Walk around (inside or outside) but very slowly.  Pay attention as your heel and then ball of your foot and then toes grab the ground.  Feel the back of your foot as it lifts off when you move forward.  See if you can notice each sensation in your body as you walk.  Where do you put your weight?  What pace do you want to be at?  Find yourself completely absorbed in your movement.

2.  “I Am Enough” Meditation – With each inhale breathed, “I am,”  and with each exhale, “Enough.”  As thoughts come to my head about what I want to do or be or things I wish I could change… I remind myself that as I am, I am enough.  And on the way, I learn all the areas of my life that I think need more.  My health, my physical appearance, my accomplishments, my relationships, my career… And I begin to remind each area that I am enough already.  Seeds of new stories…

3.  Follow your Ears – When you close your eyes, let your attention follow the sounds around you.  Focus on the loudest sound – the birds chirping, a train going by, the sound of the heater, anything.  It may change during your time sitting for meditation but let yourself completely go into that sound.  Notice that we attach meanings to sounds (birds, train, heater).  What can you notice beyond their meanings about the quality and feel of each sound?

4.  Levels of Awareness – As you sit down with your eyes closed, begin by hearing and feeling the room around you.  Notice the temperature, the sounds, the spaciousness.  Slowly draw your attention then to what is near you, what you can feel.  What is the surface you are sitting on like?  What do your clothes feel like on your skin?  Finally, bring your attention inward.  Notice your breath, your heart beat.  Can you feel your digestion at work or any muscles responding to how you are sitting?  After you’ve observed all these things fully, maybe you will enter into stillness to observe your mind.

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5.  Focused Gaze – Sit with your eyes open and an object in front of you.  You could sit very close to a wall (like Zen), light a candle, or look at an image of a mandala (or any drawing!).  With your eyes, discover the details of the object.  A wall might really challenge your sense of observation!  With a candle, see the edges of the flame move and the colors change within the flame.  With a mandala, let your attention trace the edges of the lines around the circle.

What tools have you played with to start meditation?  What have you learned from them?  Did these 5 tips for meditation help get you started?  Have you tried meditation as a young adult cancer survivor or caregiver?

So, hmmmm…. A Calm Mind

so hum meditation mantra

Welcome to the second post in a series on meditation techniques and lessons.  You can read the first post here.  Meditation can be a powerful tool to help calm your mind and anxieties.  We hope you enjoy!

“So, hmm…”

My first meditation teacher gave me this entry into meditation.  I still use it regularly now.  After finding a comfortable seat and taking some big, full breaths to feel my body, I’m ready to enter into my mind.  Sometimes this is the last place I want to be.  It can be full of noise, loud with instant daily replays and to-do lists.  Especially if there is anything I can be planning.  My mind likes to put on the hats of “planner”, “organizer”, and “perfecter”.  Dangerous trio.

So, as I enter my mind through my breath, I start with the mantra of “So, hmm”. (Sounds like so hum)

With each inhale, I think “so” and with each exhale, “hmm”.

Like in a conversation with someone (or yourself), when you need a pause to think, or just a pause of silence.  So, hmm… I wonder…  I can’t even say the phrase without offering my mind a moment to pause.  And that is exactly how to use this phrase as you sit with your eyes closed and pay attention to your breath.

Inhale.  (So…)

Exhale.  (Hmm…)

Space.

I like to set a timer and then just follow this so hum meditation mantra, this phrase, through the rise and fall of my breath for the whole time.  Sometimes the phrase will slip away.  Sometimes I find myself jumping down a rabbit hole of other thoughts.  Whoops!  I just realize I’ve taken a detour and get back to the So Hmm.  Other times I find that the rhythm of my breath and these words overcoming my thoughts bring me to the complete stillness of meditation.  The pause to wonder becomes large and empty and I can be with myself, just as myself (none of those roles listed above).  And there is this moment of peace, bliss, contentment.

And then I realize that I’m distracted by thinking “OH!  This is IT!” and I’ve lost it!  So I begin back with the So Hmm…

The words, our breath, this back and forth from thought to stillness – are all linked in a cycle.  We go forth, we come back.  Maybe a little different, maybe a little changed.  Maybe with clarity that will offer up rewards as we take it into our day or our night.

What roles does your mind like to play?  What have you used to help you meditate?  Have you tried the so hum meditation mantra?

P.S.  For the philosophical roots of this mantra, check out this article on Yoga Journal!

Mind Control

This is the first post of a series on meditation techniques and lessons.

“Can we turn within ourselves to study and understand, perhaps even control, the mind?”  – the Introduction to The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

I have had a meditation practice for the last year.  I’ve never quite been able to be the everyday type of discipline person in many areas of my life.  I can say that everyday I brush my teeth at least once… and sometimes that is about all that feels constant.  But even as I’m inconsistent on a daily basis, there is a steady relationship that has grown over the last year as I’ve created some time to be quiet with myself.  I have learned how my mind works – what I put effort into, how I avoid stillness, how much I daydream or replay life.  These insights have allowed me to see my mind doing what it does – all day long! – and learn to add space, breath, and choice to what I do, say, and be.

As I begin, I like to find a quiet place to sit.  I have to put my dog in another room.  I have to make sure no one is going to need any answers or favors from me for the set time.  I set my timer on my phone (for 5-20 minutes) and then my phone on airplane mode so I’m not constantly concerned I’m going to be late to whatever is next… and I won’t be tempted by buzzing texts.  Some people like having quiet spa-like music on in the background.

Finding a comfortable seat isn’t always easy, either.  I find that sitting is most comfortable after I’ve done some stretching or yoga to move my hips and seat muscles and maybe open up my back so I’m able to sit tall comfortably.  In yoga (and other traditions), we take care of the body for the ultimate purpose of getting into our mind and Self.  So I take care of my body in preparation to spend some time with myself.  And then I grab a blanket to sit on, a pillow or support under my sitz bones, and I settle in to a comfortable seat and close my eyes.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Long, deep, and full inhales and exhales through my nose.  I start with my breath.  The physical experience of sitting and breathing.  How do I feel today?  What am I able to observe about my body?  I start in this tangible layer of my experience.  Then, after I settle in there, I take a look inside.  What thoughts am I having?  Can I invite them to come back later and then exhale them out one at a time?

“The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga” – Yoga Sutra 1.2

This practice of letting the stuff of our mind go is hard work!  Some days the quiet comes easily, others it is quite an effort to keep slowing myself down.  We aim for having minds that are clear and calm, like a beautiful lake, that can reflect clearly what is going on in ourselves and in our lives all the time.  This is a powerful tool!

And… as I calm my mind lake, I learn a lot about myself right now.  I learn that I avoid stillness and quiet with myself by becoming a planner of my day.  Are there times when I am uncomfortable with the stillness needed in a conversation that I jump to planning instead of being present?  I learn that I replay what happened in my day again and shame myself for what I said wrong.  I learn that I wishfully daydream about how much I’ll get done once I’m done meditating!  Both of these experiences are like realizing that I’m watching a movie – that I made up!

Meditation for cancer survivors or caregivers is a powerful calming technique when so much feels out of our control.

What do you learn about how you respond to stillness and quiet?  What do you avoid about being with yourself?  Who are you being towards yourself?  And no judgment!

Next post: techniques to continue clearing our thoughts!

Lean On Me Yoga

calm yoga

I have never been one for group work.  I’d rather do it myself – I can have high expectations and I know who to beat up when it doesn’t get done.  This has created a lot of independence and bullying of myself… and I’m often not good at really trusting others to come through for me.  I can be the caregiver but have a hard time letting someone else take care of me.  My parents, my partner, my friends… it all works better when I’m the one who is needed instead of needing.  I often find I don’t even know how to express my needs which only continues the cycle of not feeling supported.

Partner yoga poses can help me learn that others are there to lean on.  It means I have to learn communication – constant communication.  It means I have to learn to trust.  It means I have to put myself out there – parts of my body, areas of my strengths and weaknesses, my flexibility and inflexibility, to someone else.  And while I practice not judging myself there, I practice letting go of others’ judgments of me, too.

This calm yoga pose is called Lizard on a Rock and has elements of support and of openness to the world.  One partner is ‘covered’ and helped to stretch their back in child’s pose.  The other partner gets support to open up through the heart.

Here’s how it goes:

Partner 1: Sit in child’s pose on the ground (no props).  Settle your hips deep and stretch your arms long away from you.

Partner 2: Sit on your partner’s lower back facing away from them.  Check in with your partner – does this feel okay?  If so, slowly lower your back down along his/her back.  You will be doing a supported and gentle back bend here.  Let your arms open up overhead to either side.  If you feel comfortable, extend your legs long.

Rest here until either partner is ready to get up.  Communicate through the dismount, and always be gentle when getting up!   Switch roles and notice how it feels to be supported, covered, and stretched with the help of another.  Which role do you prefer?  What do you learn about yourself in each position?

Yoga for Cancer-Thrivers

yoga for cancer

Rochelle Poulson shared her cancer journey with the world in the edu-mentary, cancerpants.  Five years after her diagnosis of breast cancer at the age of 36, she shares about her journey inward through yoga and how it supports her being present both through cancer and all of her life, in this 30-minute interview that I just watched.  Hearing others’ stories and having a safe space to tell our own can be healing and maybe more importantly, freeing.  Check out her thoughts and more (below are some of my favorite moments) – go watch it!  You can also contact Rochelle on her website to hear more about what she is doing with yoga for cancer thrivers.

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“Everyone’s journey is different.”

Making time to care for our bodies can allow space for spiritual and emotional healing to take place, to see our strength come out of our healing.

“It’s important to tell our stories… but sometimes we don’t want to keep telling our stories over and over.  We want to experience what’s happening with us.”

What if we faced fear as a ‘trickster’ – robbing us of this moment where we could otherwise be present?

Breaking through stories that LIMIT us… for empowerment.  What stories are limiting you from being all that you are in this moment?

…

Share your thoughts on these ideas or others from the interview with us!  Have you tried yoga for cancer thriving?

Tree of Self Inquiry

yoga tree pose

I practice yoga and do a lot of the same poses over and over.  I spend time in them and get to know them.  As forms and shapes, as patterns and combinations.  Some days are boring and I struggle to get on my mat.  Other days I just lose track of time and enjoy the exploration of body and mind.  Like any commitment in our lives (family relationships, chores, studying, work, etc.), my yoga practice has its ups and its downs in the daily perspective.  Over the long haul though, I get to learn and grow so much by being persistent.

Each day, as I settle into each asan (pose), I get some time and space to get to know myself.  What kind of voice speaks to me when I can’t reach my forehead to my shins in a forward fold?  Is there a loud inner critic or a compassionate encourager?  And how does that seep out into the rest of my life and roles?  Who am I when I am still in an asan long enough to feel really challenged?  Am I able to breathe big and calm or do I get frustrated?  Do I aim criticism out around me to take my attention away from myself?  Can I really be with myself without judgment, no matter the ‘outcome’ I’m experiencing?  Can I keep my focus on my breath, my thoughts, and my body in the present instead of daydreaming of some unreal future or replaying some non-existent past?

This journey within offers me a big picture benefit – a pearl of infinite value.  As I know myself, I can love myself.  As I experience loving myself, I can extend that grace, compassion, and loving kindness to others.  As I get in tune with the value of my soul, I can recognize and celebrate the value of the other souls around me.  As I root into who I am (without all the stories I create about who I should be or what I’m not enough of), I can grow tall like the trunk of a tree.  My branches extend outward, strong enough to provide a home and shelter to those with need, shade to offer rest to the weary nearby.

Practice Vrikstasan, Tree Pose, this week and notice who you are.  What do you tell yourself when you wobble or fall?  How can you practice encouragement and optimism?  When you extend your arms, can you think about all the ways your arms physically offer support and love to those around you?  What do you carry for others?  How many people do you hug, high five, or touch with these hands and arms?  May this practice, and all your daily commitments, be practices that bring you deeper into the you that you long to always be.

Yoga Tree Pose

Stand firmly with both feet equally sharing your weight and your weight equal between the fronts, backs, and sides of your feet.  Slowly shift your weight into your right leg.  Bend your left knee slightly and turn your knee out to the side.  Lift your left heel up to the side of your right leg and balance here.  Take a few deep breaths and notice how you feel.  Are you comfortable in this position?  Are you frustrated with your dancing ankles?  Either is okay.

If you want to play with moving your left foot up the inside of your right leg, place your whole foot on your inner calf or inner thigh.  Keep your foot off your knee!  To balance, press your right foot down deep and keep your leg muscles strong.  Press your left foot against your right leg and your leg into your foot.  And, you can do this pose next to a wall or chair to help you with balance, too!

Bring your hands together in front of your heart in Anjali Mudra.  Keep breathing.  When you are ready, lift your arms up into the air as your tree branches.  Imagine all the ways your arms support others.  Recognize all the ways your arms support you – hands to connect to others in person or through typing on the computer, arms to hug those your love (or your cozy pillows or furry friends).  Breathe deep.  Bring your hands down and release your foot.  Stand tall again.  After a minute, give your best effort to the other side!

Inner Teacher, Outer Teacher

yoga

Some days I feel like I know what I want, what I need.  I can decide which tea to have, know I’m craving some sweet potatoes for lunch.  Other days I don’t know if I want to stay in my bed all day or be outside all day… call my friends or just sit around and do nothing.  It seems that decisiveness is a whimsical quality for me.

On the days that I don’t know what to do for my body – when I can’t even get myself out on a walk (or the weather is not cooperating), I do my best to get myself to a yoga class (or dance/barre/pilates).  I let another person decide what I need to do next.  I trust an external teacher to show me the way to a pose, a theme, or a skill.  And if I can’t find a yoga class in person, I pull out my computer or TV and find something to watch as I move on my mat.  I let go of control and of trying to know what I need and I can still be listening and learning in my body.  Does this pose feel okay for me right now?  Do I need to make any adjustments to the order of poses or the level?  Do I need to take a break and just be with my body and breath?

These questions are also good practice for the rest of my life.  When I’m in the business of a day – either on my schedule or one determined by my boss, family, etc., I can be asking these same questions.  Does this situation/conversation/task give me space to fully and freely self express with love?  What emotions or physical limits am I bringing to this situation (like poor sleep or emotions from other areas of my life)?  Do I need to communicate any of my needs?  Do I need to take a breath (or 100!) and step back to get some perspective?  All these questions can help me get back to being the person I want to be, the one I know I can be, in all situations.  A human full of compassion, acceptance, love, and cooperation.  This is my offering of self.  This is respecting, saluting, that great self in me.

Anjali mudra (hand posture) is for contemplating what you need in a day.  Bring your two hands together in front of your heart, a sign of a prayer, an offering, a salute.  The reminder that we have two types of teachers in our lives – the external (our friends and family, our lives, our yoga videos) and the internal (that still small voice, the call to live love, our best self).  And I am so grateful to learn from both.

Practice this mudra in a comfortable sitting position.  Breathe slow and deep through your nose.  Close your eyes.  Bring your hands together in front of your heart with your thumbs nestled to your chest.  Feel the rise and fall of your breath in your ribcage.  Send gratitude to all the teachers in your life, including yourself!

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On days when you need an external teacher to help you tune in to the inner teacher, here are some audio/video resources:

Lesley Fightmaster

Christina Sell Yoga

Chair Yoga Video

Guided Meditations

Yoga Journal article on Anjali Mudra

Retreat Day

self care

On Monday, February 23, I’m going to be enjoying a day of nurturing myself.  I made a resolution to grow in self care over the month of February – an “I love me” month, if you will.  This has included taking a luxurious bath, slowing down with a big cup of tea, lighting candles more, noticing the moments of sheer beauty around me (dizzily falling snowflakes with intricate patterns melting on my coat, pudgy grey-blue clouds hugging the horizon when I first walk outside)… and big plans for a retreat day!  I invite you to join me (on that day or another) to practice some self care and enjoy life.

First, I thought of the things that I wish I did more of… but don’t.  Because I have to go far away, because I need more time, because I have other things to do, etc.  I love having a long day with lots of yoga practice to be in my body and learn from it.  I love time to learn from someone else, an outside teacher, to push me to grow.  And, I love time to listen to the inner teacher in me, to see if I need more nurturing or if I have a lot of energy to dance out!   So, I have a video of one of my favorite yoga teachers that I’m planning to do and I’m making time for me to do a little of my own yoga.

I also love to spend time walking outside with my doggie.  Check.  I also love yummy food and eating slowly with calm music and a beautiful view.  So I’m making enough time for that to happen, too.  And, reading with some yummy tea.  And maybe painting my nails.

My schedule:
7-8a teach my weekly Community Flow yoga class

8-9a make breakfast, take my doggie on a walk

9-9:30a meditation

9:30-11a listen to a lecture from my online yoga teacher training

11-12:30p practice yoga with a video

12:30-2p lunchtime and doggie walk

2-3:30p another online lecture OR reading time

3:30-4:30p practice yoga on my own

4:30-5p meditate, paint my nails, or whatever else feels right!

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Where on your calendar can you save some time for yourself this month?  What do you want to do with it?  What are the obstacles you can plan around (like rearranging obligations or asking for help or buying your food ahead of time)?  Who can you tell in order to keep it real in your mind (and keep you honest about doing it)?  Below I added some resources that might inspire you to put together your own day.

Kripalu Restorative Yoga Class – I cannot say enough about how great this school is because the teachers I know who have trained here are superb and therapeutically trained.

Christina Sell Yoga on YouTube – Check out the 10 minute tune-ups or some of her longer classes.  “Give yourself credit for being a person who can roll out their mat… and practice being connected to themselves, even if for only 10 minutes a day!”

Treat your feet (or hands) – I wrote a little about massaging your feet.  Maybe add some nail polish for a spa day!

Lacuna Loft’s journal prompts could provide a good start for some introspective time

Meditation resources are everywhere – here is one helpful article.  There are a ton of guided recordings available too, see what connects with you!

Check your local library for some books that inspire you or make you laugh – I like books by Parker Palmer,  Amy Poehler’s new book, “Still” by Lauren Winner, poetry… what are your favorites?

What would a self care retreat day look like for you?  We can’t wait to hear about your self care time here or on Facebook!

Yoga For Your Hands!

yoga

At Kenston Middle School I remember my art teacher guiding us to draw each and every line we saw on our hands.  Every wrinkle in our fingerprint.  The small white crescents at the base of our finger nails.  Studying them intently, we came up with 6th grade masterpieces.  And truly they were beautiful pictures – and a beautiful self-study of these so often used and so often taken for granted parts of our bodies.

Our hands hold and hug, high five and wave hello… These are our expressions of love and compassion.  Our physical connection to so much of the world.  And we have some yoga just for them, called mudras.

A mudra can be practiced sitting (like in Virasana), standing, or lying down.  Use this mudra to really get to know your fingers.  Feel the texture of your skin.  Maybe even give yourself a little hand massage with coconut oil.  Feel the heat of your body where your fingers touch.  Notice as much as you can about your hands as you set up the gesture.  We practice mindfulness by becoming intimately aware of our body’s details.  Connecting these pressure points in our fingers will invite energy to circulate in our bodies – this one is to pump up our life force and encourage healing!

Prana Mudra

Find a quiet space to comfortably sit/stand/lie down.  Get settled in here with candles or soft music or just a cozy space.  One hand at a time, bring the tips of your ring and pinky fingers to touch your thumb.  Bring your first two fingers together and keep them straight.  Do the same with the second hand.  Rest your arms at your sides or on your legs and feel free to close your eyes.  Practice your form of meditation or practice deep even breathing through your nose.  Give yourself 5-25 minutes to soak up the energy moving in your body.  Give thanks for this time to care for yourself today!